Sunday, January 29, 2012

2012: A year of reconciliation

I shouldn't be blogging at this time because I have more work to do. BUt I feel compelled to.

I decided that 2012 will be a year of reconciliation. With the exes.

Ex no 1: just married. (5 years together)
She was angry with me because the reason why we left each other was because we thought that being together was wrong. After a failed relationship of sorts with a guy from church, I decided that I am definitely attracted to women. So when I got together with my second, the first was very upset with me and we rarely kept in contact after that. I guess she said she felt betrayed.

Now she's happily married with a kid. I should make contact and catch up one on one. (we regularly caught up over group outings so talking about US was a no no).

Ex no 2: Got attached to another gf in the past year (15 months of exclusive dating)

SHe was angry with me because I ran away from her and broke up with her over a text message. THat was the best I could do at that time. Because I knew I still had a lot of feelings for her, and meeting up to do a proper closure would end up with us being together again. It was becoming an unhealthy relationship and I was certain that it would be better if we were not a couple. I was ready to meet up with her after some time. But she didn't want to any more.

Breakthrough: She came back to FCC after she got attached. It was hi and bye for a long time. But I finally said hi during the christmas gathering and asked her one or two questions but I thought she was uncomfortable so I quitted. Last Sunday, while I was packing up my bass, she stood around and we chatted a bit and she even introduced her current gf to be after I asked. So that's good.

The two in between:
I have been very horrible to disregard 2 very special people who had come into my life in between my relationships. I guess I was feeling guilty about not making these encounters last even though it was an understood agreement that we weren't a couple. But they were really special. And I did have feelings for them, not enough to be in love, not enough to want to be a couple, but they are very special and I appreciated time spent with them, and their friendship. But because the encounters didn't end well, the friendship was ruined. Still in contact with one, though the friendship's different now. The other one refused to talk to me. I can understand why.


Ex no. 3:Still single and I think still recovering. ( 22 months of tried couplehood)

She is still upset with me I think because she thought I moved on too quickly. I still felt that there is a potential to be emotional for either of us when we meet up to talk. Still quite raw. So I shall wait till either of us gets attached/are surely and totally healed before trying.

Why do I want to try?

Because I think as exes, we have gone through so much together, and we had great friendships. It would be a pity to give up on all that we have shared just because we didn't work out as a couple. Of course, that's on my side. Wanting to reconcile and work on a friendship. I will just commit all these to the Lord and see how it unfolds.
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