We would encourage and inspire one another to grow through our talk, our actions and our walk with God.
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Friday, September 30, 2011
Thursday, September 29, 2011
One heart part 1
I like to be able to lead songs like "Lord I give you my heart, I give you my soul, I live for you alone.." kinda songs without considering if it was too intimate or too much for people.
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Good news
I think I get the most thoughts while driving. So I was being a teeny weeny unproductive at work. While I intended to do some marking during my free period, I surfed sgcarmart for a bit. There were a few interesting cars but none caught my eye. I texted one dealer to ask about the milege for one car but didn't follow up from there.
So while I was driving to meet this overzealous gal from fridae to play badminton with her and her friend (that is another story), a few cars on the road mildly caught my eye but I didn't have the desire to own them. I wondered if it was because I am currently driving my friend's car.
That also got me thinking of a parallel in relationships. The urge to want to get attached is more when one is single. I really admire people who have been single for a long time and not feel the urge to be in another relationship.
On another note, i heard from a tiny bird that the ex is ready to start to date (other people). I think that is about the best news I heard yesterday! I don't know why I feel better if she gets attached before I do. I doubt she will get attached soon but well, a least she's ready to date, so that means I can too. Someone asked if there was a rule that I can't date before she does. Maybe it's guilt from our initial talk about setting aside a year to just concentrate on building ourselves before we consider any other relationships.. Anyhooz, that's good news. *beams*
One more day to Friday! Yay! Erhm by the way, if you are reading this and you know the ex, please do not ask her anything about being ready to date. Maybe she's not ready to let anyone know (other than the bird).
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So while I was driving to meet this overzealous gal from fridae to play badminton with her and her friend (that is another story), a few cars on the road mildly caught my eye but I didn't have the desire to own them. I wondered if it was because I am currently driving my friend's car.
That also got me thinking of a parallel in relationships. The urge to want to get attached is more when one is single. I really admire people who have been single for a long time and not feel the urge to be in another relationship.
On another note, i heard from a tiny bird that the ex is ready to start to date (other people). I think that is about the best news I heard yesterday! I don't know why I feel better if she gets attached before I do. I doubt she will get attached soon but well, a least she's ready to date, so that means I can too. Someone asked if there was a rule that I can't date before she does. Maybe it's guilt from our initial talk about setting aside a year to just concentrate on building ourselves before we consider any other relationships.. Anyhooz, that's good news. *beams*
One more day to Friday! Yay! Erhm by the way, if you are reading this and you know the ex, please do not ask her anything about being ready to date. Maybe she's not ready to let anyone know (other than the bird).
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Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday's Sermon
Jorg preached that the early disciples have different views of Jesus. Some see Jesus as the Saviour, the Messiah, some see Jesus as a healer, some see Jesus as God. Are any of them wrong ? No. Jesus is all of that and more. Just because we see and experience a part of Jesus doesn't mean all of Jesus is that.
I think that perhaps is one of the most important reason of fellowship for me; to know the different sides of Jesus. That is why speaking to young believers is always so refreshing for me. And that's why christian fellowship is so important and this committment of christian fellowship comes from being in a cell group.We all see different sides of Jesus and when we come together to share our thanksgiving and our journeys, we can help one another catch a glimpse of the many wondrous roles of God.
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I think that perhaps is one of the most important reason of fellowship for me; to know the different sides of Jesus. That is why speaking to young believers is always so refreshing for me. And that's why christian fellowship is so important and this committment of christian fellowship comes from being in a cell group.We all see different sides of Jesus and when we come together to share our thanksgiving and our journeys, we can help one another catch a glimpse of the many wondrous roles of God.
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About letting go easily
I learnt something about myself today. Today was a superbly busy day, how I managed to squeeze such a thought in, I don't know.
I was thinking or maybe praying (I can't remember) about the cell group issue. And I realised that I felt a tremendous amount of peace on my tentative decision. It's kinda strange because I still feel attached to the cg, and the gals remain quite dear to me. Like I mentioned in the previous post, my need to step forward is stronger than all of that. What surprised me was how easily I could let go once I have made the decision to.
Then I thought about my previous relationships. I realised my ability to let go easily is consistent. What a scary thought. When I was in the relationship, I gave my best, and it's not a mind thing, it's a heart thing. I felt so much for each and every one of them. Yet I had no difficulty letting go when I had to. It scares me sometimes, and I am sure it scares any potential partner. Maybe that's why I know I am not ready for the next relationship. Or perhaps the love I thought I had for my previous partners was not really the sort of love that could last. What a bitter revelation. I guess I still do not know myself as well as I thought I did. I better get myself figured out before I make another mistake. Not that I think my previous relationsships are mistakes, I think they are learning journeys for both parties. Just not a very pleasant aftertaste I guess.
Today was the 20% group presentation. While consolidating everything that my group members had done, I suddenly thought about binding up the assignment to make it more presentable. I wondered why none of my group members thought about it. Maybe they thought it wasn't necessary. 2 of my group members are final year students and they should know better. That caused me a further 2 hours of work! What a relief it's over. I didn't think the presentation went all that well though the tutor said it's a good project. It's tough having to summarise 4 hours worth of lesson planning plus the theories behind them in just 20 minutes. The hard copy is more substantial though, that I am sure. Ah well.. Will just commit that to God.
For now, it's a bit of rest before starting on the 60% individual assignment. I realised I prefer to work alone too. Learning, learning and still learning..
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I was thinking or maybe praying (I can't remember) about the cell group issue. And I realised that I felt a tremendous amount of peace on my tentative decision. It's kinda strange because I still feel attached to the cg, and the gals remain quite dear to me. Like I mentioned in the previous post, my need to step forward is stronger than all of that. What surprised me was how easily I could let go once I have made the decision to.
Then I thought about my previous relationships. I realised my ability to let go easily is consistent. What a scary thought. When I was in the relationship, I gave my best, and it's not a mind thing, it's a heart thing. I felt so much for each and every one of them. Yet I had no difficulty letting go when I had to. It scares me sometimes, and I am sure it scares any potential partner. Maybe that's why I know I am not ready for the next relationship. Or perhaps the love I thought I had for my previous partners was not really the sort of love that could last. What a bitter revelation. I guess I still do not know myself as well as I thought I did. I better get myself figured out before I make another mistake. Not that I think my previous relationsships are mistakes, I think they are learning journeys for both parties. Just not a very pleasant aftertaste I guess.
Today was the 20% group presentation. While consolidating everything that my group members had done, I suddenly thought about binding up the assignment to make it more presentable. I wondered why none of my group members thought about it. Maybe they thought it wasn't necessary. 2 of my group members are final year students and they should know better. That caused me a further 2 hours of work! What a relief it's over. I didn't think the presentation went all that well though the tutor said it's a good project. It's tough having to summarise 4 hours worth of lesson planning plus the theories behind them in just 20 minutes. The hard copy is more substantial though, that I am sure. Ah well.. Will just commit that to God.
For now, it's a bit of rest before starting on the 60% individual assignment. I realised I prefer to work alone too. Learning, learning and still learning..
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Low self-esteem
When I was jogging, I thought about a conversation I had with an ex. In the midst of our messy dating relationship, I asked her this: When one is insecure, wouldn't they want to give their best to their only partner? Afterall, they might not be able to find another one who would stay with them. Why would they stray?
To that question, she replied," It's the other way around. Because they feel insecure, they relish in the attention they get from another person other than their partner. "
a warp sort of insight though I kinda got the point.
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To that question, she replied," It's the other way around. Because they feel insecure, they relish in the attention they get from another person other than their partner. "
a warp sort of insight though I kinda got the point.
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Pre=shower post
upon the request of a crazy fan, I shall post a random one before I shower.
Just got back from a 40 minute jog with my bro. It was good bonding time though both of us ran with our ears 3/4 plugged in. The bonding took place intangibly; the energy between 2 persons. Well, without our music, we might just be jogging for 10 minutes. At least there was a little conversation between us.
Conversation 1:
Me: eh wait. slow down a bit
Bro: ooi. you call yourself a PE teacher?
Me: I dont' make my kids run so much. At primary school, they only run 1.6km.
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Conversation 2:
Me: wah. We have jogged for 20 minutes.
Bro: That's because you jogged so slow wat.. -_-
Conversation 3:(At the end of the jog)
Me: Wah! 40 minutes! Not bad.
Bro: So slow lah you.
Good bonding!!! :) We had 3 conversations!
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Just got back from a 40 minute jog with my bro. It was good bonding time though both of us ran with our ears 3/4 plugged in. The bonding took place intangibly; the energy between 2 persons. Well, without our music, we might just be jogging for 10 minutes. At least there was a little conversation between us.
Conversation 1:
Me: eh wait. slow down a bit
Bro: ooi. you call yourself a PE teacher?
Me: I dont' make my kids run so much. At primary school, they only run 1.6km.
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Conversation 2:
Me: wah. We have jogged for 20 minutes.
Bro: That's because you jogged so slow wat.. -_-
Conversation 3:(At the end of the jog)
Me: Wah! 40 minutes! Not bad.
Bro: So slow lah you.
Good bonding!!! :) We had 3 conversations!
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Thursday, September 22, 2011
Amidst all the marking ( which is Starting to bore me now)
My heart warms and I am immediately drawn to the person whose blog I just read. No fanciful words. Just honest, heartfelt feelings about her walk with God and the desires of her heart in fulfilling God's calling for her- to the simple task of loving others; so basic but so difficult. It's too easy for me to be drawn to someone. Fortunately, there are not many like that in this community. :p
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Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Quiet service or vibrant service?
My colleague went to church with his partner again the previous Sunday. He told me today that he loved the service! But his partner found it boring and nearly fell asleep. His partner prefers the usual FCC style of worship. Like that how ah? Attend different services? I prefer the usual FCC style of worship. I would hope my future partner prefers the same style of worship because the implications are far beyond what type of service we attend on Sundays! :)
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Thoughts on Sunday
This is such a powerful prayer packed in 1 sentence: Lord place your spirit on all your people.
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Sex vs Lovemaking
Sometimes sex is not just sex. It means so much more. A lover's thoughtfulness can be seen in the way she loves your body. I guess that is what they call lovemaking.
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Stagnancy
2012 is a year of growth!
Of late, I have been feeling that I am in a state of stagnancy. This feeling is accentuated after the busyness faded with the start of this new term.
Though still busy with much marking and masters related assignments, I don't feel that I have grown much lately. Maybe I have been in this state since a long time ago but it's only recently that the accumulation of stagnancy has finally spoken to my spirit.
At work, I am starting to be present a bit more and build less superficial relationships with my colleagues especially with the teachers teaching in the same level. That's good.
I can distinctly name a few areas: my spiritual growth - it is easy to be complacent when I am attending FCC. It's a comfortable state of being and I feel kinda protected. Regarding ministry, it encompasses 2 parts: I sense that it's time to move out of the comfort zone of belonging to a cosy group to perhaps meeting up with like-minded people with a common desire to grow in the Lord. The group is much stable now and I have laid off facilitating for a while i.e others are able to do it well. More people have the experience of facilitating the group so the group is in safe hands.
Moving to somewhere new may mean some level of discomfort but I think my current restlessness supercedes the feeling of discomfort. I also felt that my bass playing has stagnanted. I have not taken lessons since the beginning of the year. It's time to start again.
Concrete goals:
1) start attending Sat or Sunday afternoon services
2) sign up for the next session of LUSH
3) start taking bass lessons again
4) be active in being present at gatherings
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Of late, I have been feeling that I am in a state of stagnancy. This feeling is accentuated after the busyness faded with the start of this new term.
Though still busy with much marking and masters related assignments, I don't feel that I have grown much lately. Maybe I have been in this state since a long time ago but it's only recently that the accumulation of stagnancy has finally spoken to my spirit.
At work, I am starting to be present a bit more and build less superficial relationships with my colleagues especially with the teachers teaching in the same level. That's good.
I can distinctly name a few areas: my spiritual growth - it is easy to be complacent when I am attending FCC. It's a comfortable state of being and I feel kinda protected. Regarding ministry, it encompasses 2 parts: I sense that it's time to move out of the comfort zone of belonging to a cosy group to perhaps meeting up with like-minded people with a common desire to grow in the Lord. The group is much stable now and I have laid off facilitating for a while i.e others are able to do it well. More people have the experience of facilitating the group so the group is in safe hands.
Moving to somewhere new may mean some level of discomfort but I think my current restlessness supercedes the feeling of discomfort. I also felt that my bass playing has stagnanted. I have not taken lessons since the beginning of the year. It's time to start again.
Concrete goals:
1) start attending Sat or Sunday afternoon services
2) sign up for the next session of LUSH
3) start taking bass lessons again
4) be active in being present at gatherings
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Monday, September 19, 2011
hmm.. such a random thought
I know of someone who thinks very highly of herself. Well, I guess I can understand where she is coming from. She thinks she has kept herself all 33 years of her life for the special someone. That is special in itself.. And I admire that. But that level of admiration kinda diminished when she knows that she's THAT special and it comes out in her speech and thoughts. Ah.. not so attractive anymore. Example of a statement said: You don't need a present! I am the present!
I can't remember what sparked off that thought. But it leaves a little bit of a bad aftertaste.. :(
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I can't remember what sparked off that thought. But it leaves a little bit of a bad aftertaste.. :(
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new car, no cd
and so I have been listening to music from radio because I keep forgetting to bring CDs into the car.
And so, as I listen to the songs on radio, the thought that went through my head was this: Why in the world would people want to listen to music like that when there are so many nice christian songs around. Alright, jazz is fine because it's a different brand of music altogether and a certain kind of jazz puts me in a certain romantic kind of mood. I guess rock is fine too because of the colourful way the instruments are played.
But I guess once you have experienced the presence of God in christian music, many many songs pale in comparison. The musicians are anointed by a heavenly being! And such wholesome lyrics somemore.. :)
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And so, as I listen to the songs on radio, the thought that went through my head was this: Why in the world would people want to listen to music like that when there are so many nice christian songs around. Alright, jazz is fine because it's a different brand of music altogether and a certain kind of jazz puts me in a certain romantic kind of mood. I guess rock is fine too because of the colourful way the instruments are played.
But I guess once you have experienced the presence of God in christian music, many many songs pale in comparison. The musicians are anointed by a heavenly being! And such wholesome lyrics somemore.. :)
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Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Confession
I can't help but to put this on public space. I have not met anyone quite as amazing as her. So precious.
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Monday, September 12, 2011
4 random thoughts
The thing about having so much is this; u never know if u are liked for who you really are..
Good foot reflexology is like a very good foreplay
Maybe shouldn't buy such good headphones. I end up listening to the different instruments rather than the lyrics of the songs...
Malacca is fun but not good for me. The food is so good that I ended putting on the pounds. The quality of the bed is so good that I ended up spraining my knee. Kauz.
I really really enjoy playing bridge!
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Good foot reflexology is like a very good foreplay
Maybe shouldn't buy such good headphones. I end up listening to the different instruments rather than the lyrics of the songs...
Malacca is fun but not good for me. The food is so good that I ended putting on the pounds. The quality of the bed is so good that I ended up spraining my knee. Kauz.
I really really enjoy playing bridge!
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Saturday, September 10, 2011
While in the toilet at Jusco
So nice to have a sitting toilet. One reason why I don't imagine being a missionary in a third world country.. but that is where all the upgs are. Ah well, people will say that God will heal my knees if I am willing... But I know my role in His kingdom is not in being an overseas missionary. Not for now anyway.
My injured finger is still painful but I can feel it slowly healing. Thank God for that.
It is a great trip so far. Got to know some people better. It's relaxing and I got to play bridge. Yay! We played bridge till 3a.m! I foresee it would be another night of bridging tonight. Nice. My nose is slightly runny because of the combination effects of the cigarette smoke as well as the haze. I don't foresee being attached to a smoker. My nose is sensitive like hell.
The yamaha sale was exciting. I get super excited shopping for musical instruments. Irene and Karen asked me to look out for guitars for them. In the end, the guitar I recommended Irene, an APX 900, was at a 70% discount (1200 to 400)! Display set, a few non-noticable dents at the back, other than that, it looks gorgeous and sounds lovely. So why not? Was happy when she decided to get it. At least I can still see and play with it I want to. I would have gotten that too if I hadn't got a APX 700 2 years ago when I started playig the acoustic guitar. Now that my specialisation is in the bass, i shouldn't spend that amount of money. Karen wanted a acoustic guitar which cost less than 200. The one I saw was a semi acoustic classical. Was 277, now 155. Such a good deal. Gary also called me the night before to see if I was going shopping. He asked me if I could get something to replace the church guitar. I told him I could but I didn't think that irene's car could fit 3 guitars all the way to malacca and back. Pity.. Would have loved to shop for the church guitar.
Summary for now. Gotto get out of the toilet and be sociable.
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My injured finger is still painful but I can feel it slowly healing. Thank God for that.
It is a great trip so far. Got to know some people better. It's relaxing and I got to play bridge. Yay! We played bridge till 3a.m! I foresee it would be another night of bridging tonight. Nice. My nose is slightly runny because of the combination effects of the cigarette smoke as well as the haze. I don't foresee being attached to a smoker. My nose is sensitive like hell.
The yamaha sale was exciting. I get super excited shopping for musical instruments. Irene and Karen asked me to look out for guitars for them. In the end, the guitar I recommended Irene, an APX 900, was at a 70% discount (1200 to 400)! Display set, a few non-noticable dents at the back, other than that, it looks gorgeous and sounds lovely. So why not? Was happy when she decided to get it. At least I can still see and play with it I want to. I would have gotten that too if I hadn't got a APX 700 2 years ago when I started playig the acoustic guitar. Now that my specialisation is in the bass, i shouldn't spend that amount of money. Karen wanted a acoustic guitar which cost less than 200. The one I saw was a semi acoustic classical. Was 277, now 155. Such a good deal. Gary also called me the night before to see if I was going shopping. He asked me if I could get something to replace the church guitar. I told him I could but I didn't think that irene's car could fit 3 guitars all the way to malacca and back. Pity.. Would have loved to shop for the church guitar.
Summary for now. Gotto get out of the toilet and be sociable.
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Thursday, September 8, 2011
what is the source?
While kaypohing on facebook, I saw photos of BMCF's services. Almost all the instrumentalists are women. I see photos of them huddling together with the vocalist and worship leader to pray before the service. The congregation worship with wild abandon, raising their hands, on their knees.. Why isn't FCC like that?
Where are the godly women who have the heart to serve and worship God? Sigh. A bit depressing. The best way is to pray for a revival in the heart of FCC. WE need to be less selfish, less prideful, less self-centred, more god-focused and more people -centred. We need life.
I am embarrassed to say that majority of the women who serves at FCC is not from Plush. And Plush is the one of the older all girls' CG. What is wrong?
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Where are the godly women who have the heart to serve and worship God? Sigh. A bit depressing. The best way is to pray for a revival in the heart of FCC. WE need to be less selfish, less prideful, less self-centred, more god-focused and more people -centred. We need life.
I am embarrassed to say that majority of the women who serves at FCC is not from Plush. And Plush is the one of the older all girls' CG. What is wrong?
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Time alone
I have been spending a lot of time alone these 3 days just doing my own stuff, planning for the cell group retreat, exercising, kaypohing on people's fb page, reading, praying, reflecting. And I am starting to feel a little bored. Timely that the Malacca trip is tomorrow. Maybe I am more of an extrovert than I think. Will be a good time of catching up with good pals, and a good time for physical self maintenance. :)
looking forward.
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looking forward.
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Wednesday, September 7, 2011
about being outwardly progressive and inwardly conservative
Not so long ago, I posted a status update about me being outwardly progressive and inwardly conservative. My colleague who's gay and knows about FCC and me was surprised. He thought it was the other way. I can see how he, along with some other people who do not know me very well, would see me that way.
The context which they see me is more on the surface I guess; I am a teacher, hence closeted which forms the conservative outward part of me. But I am okay with being attracted to women and don't think God condemns same sex relationship. So that forms the inwardly progressive part of me. I guess he's not wrong. But I guess that is just the surface.
I am outwardly progressive in the way that I am very open to a wide range of values, beliefs and theology about people in general, about christianity, about faith and even about christian living. I am inwardly conservative because while I can accept what I hear, I have my set of values and principals that I follow. I guess that is what makes me me. The outwardly progressive part helps me to accept people more readily and judge people less quickly, hence I get along with people easily. The inwardly conservative me helps stabilize my randomness and seemingly frivolous nature.
This is the random part of me writing now.
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The context which they see me is more on the surface I guess; I am a teacher, hence closeted which forms the conservative outward part of me. But I am okay with being attracted to women and don't think God condemns same sex relationship. So that forms the inwardly progressive part of me. I guess he's not wrong. But I guess that is just the surface.
I am outwardly progressive in the way that I am very open to a wide range of values, beliefs and theology about people in general, about christianity, about faith and even about christian living. I am inwardly conservative because while I can accept what I hear, I have my set of values and principals that I follow. I guess that is what makes me me. The outwardly progressive part helps me to accept people more readily and judge people less quickly, hence I get along with people easily. The inwardly conservative me helps stabilize my randomness and seemingly frivolous nature.
This is the random part of me writing now.
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Monday, September 5, 2011
Firmed up my SOP
It's so true that a friend only tells you off in your face when they care for you. For me, I rather someone whom I call a friend tells me off rather than talk behind my back. Pui. If I know a friend for a while and she or he has been caring, what could stop me from receiving harsh remarks from them? I reckon it's only my pride. Through yesterday's sermon, I have firmed up my protocol on receiving harsh feedback. I shall humbly receive the feedback and only defend myself if I deem it untrue. And a true friend will hear me out. But if it's true, I shall also swallow my pride and tell him/her that the feedback need not be given in such a harsh manner. Iron sharpens iron. Only with feedback can we start to be better people.
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On judgements
I learnt about a month ago to look at the child holistically. Do not limit him/her. There is no need to compare with another. It's the same as evaluating people. Look at them as a whole person and how they treat people in general to really know their character and their heart. Do not let one or two incidents form your judgement of them. Even God looks at your entire book of life as you meet Him in heaven face to face.
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Random thought from ouyang's sermon
It's the process that cleanses, purifies and sharpens us. Believe in the creator who has created you and do what you can do right now. Don't focus on what we do not have, focus on the little we have and use them well.
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The power of the cross
We may question if many things in the bible are true. But history has recorded for us what is real. Jesus is born of virgin Mary, fully man but without sin, died for us to cleanse us of our sins, crucified on the cross and rose on the third day, ascended to the right hand of God and appeared to his disciples fully flesh. Even if we do not believe that Jesus is God, it's hard to believe that Jesus died for us. Will any of our friends, our family members or even our partners die for us? Thank you for the cross, Jesus.
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