Poetry in the midst of marking

I was talking to the SH about something when she said what I said reminded her of a poem. She dug it out in a matter of minutes. After I read the poem, I thought it represented everything that I feel. It felt like I had written this! I should read more poetry because whenever I read poetry, I am inspired to write. But I can't now. I am marking. Bleah. Soonnnnnn.

If You Forget Me

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Pablo Neruda
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about worship and the acoustic guitar

Somebody commented that she can't really hear the sound of the acoustic guitar when I am playing. And if every instrument has a role to play in the worship team, wouldn't that mean that that instrument was redundant? It was a harmless comment but I can't remember why I was bothered by that remark. Perhaps it made me feel inadequate and worthless in the worship team. Afterall, I want to have a part to play when I am with the team.

It isn't a bad thing actually because I don't want to be heard. I have never wanted to be on stage because I don't feel comfortable being seen and heard on stage. I decided to join the worship team merely because I was led into it.. plus I always had a heart for the worship ministry. It felt right when I finally took that step of faith to be involved. So I should be more than happy that people cannot hear the acoustic guitar when I am playing it especially when being able to hear it sometimes means a wrong chord is played. But I guess hearing that remark made me doubt my worth not just as a musician but a musician in service of God's people through the ministry. I guess I was affected because I felt useless to some degree. And I doubt my worth in the worship team. It wasn't a nice feeling at all but I am thankful for the reminder that worship is really not about me but about God. And He uses every part of my service to Him. It didn't really matter because I don't have to be heard to show that God is using me. Also, my guitar teacher did tell me that the acoustic guitar in a band is a support for the drums in setting the rhythm for the songs.

It's an honour to be serving with the rest of god-loving musicians, with hearts fervant for God. I am so appreciative of the gifts and talents that God has bestowed upon them and I am thankful to be playing alongside with them. I pray that I will always remember that worship is primarily about God, not about me, and God will use me as He deems fit.
.

While waiting for the SH to pick me up, outside Cheers supermarket

I know I have put on weight when I don't need to put on a belt.

I need to go to sky fitness soon to read the latest copy of Men's health for free.

I am looking forward to the SATC movie date this weekend!

I met with 35 parents today!

To save money, I try not to step into Cheers supermarket unless really necessary *

The anticipation of seeing the SH gets rid of Monday blues.

*severely pmssing
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Evening Primrose

About 15 years ago, I have heard of the wonders of the EVENING PRIMROSE. It reduces the premenstrual symptoms, it seems. Another lady said she feels more womanly and shapely after she started taking the evening primrose. I think I tried once but the pill was too big for me. So I gave up.

THe SH bought me a bottle as our monthiversary gift because she wanted to maintain my hormonal balance so my PMS doesn't act out on her and thus the relationship. hehe.. after hearing that I don't do BIG Evening Primrose pills, she brought me shopping for smaller ones and kept the big ones for herself. So we should be hormonally balanced soon. :p

But I am womanly and shapely enough already what.haha..
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Favourite food

I talk about food a lot. That's because I love food. I ate all my favourite food today. Herbal chicken for lunch, Jurong East's Wantan noodle for tea, and BBQ chicken wings, stingray, sotong and kangkong for dinner. So yummy.

The SH started me on another evil yesterday. SHe gave me dark chocolate maltase. It's so addictive! She loves me. Hee.
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Sunday

This is my 4th time playing for worship. Compared to the previous 3 times, I tried to practise less so my fingers won't give way during the actual service. It helped a bit.

2 acoustic guitars next week. I wonder if it will be possible to learn basic electric guitar for a different sound. Asked the coach. He has not responded.

Thank God for FCC! :) It's home!
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Saturday

we celebrated our 14th month on Saturday. :) It was sweet. Went for brunch @ Spruce. New place for me, so that's cool. THen I had worship rehearsal and she picked me up after that and we had Nandos for dinner. The queue was long even at 5p.m.! We had a good meal. The chicken and periperi sauce was good as usual. And the sparkling apple juice had aloe vera bits in them! Yummy! :)
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SH and my blog

the SH asked me why I didn't update my blog. I said no inspiration. Then I remembered I do blog random stuff. So here I am.

Moreover, before we got together, she has told me that my randomness is adorable. I better continue to work at being adorable. heehee.
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From Sky Fitness

While cycling, I saw an advertisement on how nutritious Nutella is for the kids when applied on bread. Such a thick spread. So yummy. I think I must be pmssing. Body craves sweet stuff.

This gym is really great and the view from the treadmills is awesome. In my hour and a half here, i will also have finished that month's issue of Men's Health (articles are very informative!), the newspapers or some other magazines.

While on the treadmill today, I thought about how necessary it is to seek God for the sole purpose of desiring to be in His presence and not have any other agenda on hand. It is usually our own human's folly to tAke things into our own hands and mess things up big time. I also thought about how necessary it is to go to church or attend cell groups for the sake of building oneself up either through giving or taking or seeking to build our fellow peers up. This is opposed to going to church or cg because the someone else we want to see is there. Then when the object of interest gets attached or is not able to attend church or cell group, they will follow suit.

I guess it is really fixing our eyes on Jesus and seeking Him for who He really is and we will walk in the right paths.

I have been attending cell groups for a while now, and have seen people come and go for different reasons. It is sad sometimes, but I can't question another's motive, can I? My take is always to pray that God is worth knowing for that one sole reason that He has redeemed us from damnation. And I pray that the God of love and patience will one day dwell wholly in the hearts of His people.

The gym is awfully quiet on a Saturday evening. It is good that the gym is so exclusive at the price which I am paying. I just need to get a place around this area :)
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Good night World!

Some say I speak in circles
Some say I speak in riddles
Some say I just don't say
Some say I say too much

Who shall I please
Where shall I go from here
What is the best thing to say
When do I say and when do I not say
Why do I have to ask all these questions
.

Do differences complement?

I write in prose, you in poetry
I like badminton, you like tennis
I like funny, you like serious
I drink little, you drink much
I drink much water, you drink little
I think little, you think much
I give gifts, you write cards
I like not crying, you like crying
I like dessert, you like soup
I like medium well, you like medium rare
I sleep in on weekends, you sleep in on weekdays
I like apartments, you like houses
I like surfing online, you like surfing on water
I like cinemas, you like dvds
I like exercise, you like sleeping
I like air con, you like fans
I caress, you scratch
I scratch, you eek
I like dogs, you like cats
I like many friends, you like few friends
I do with my heart, you with your mind
I manage with my mind, you with your heart
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Literacy of the Soul drafted

The literacy of a soul
Expressed in angst
Expressed in elation
Never defeated
Never exiled
Always victorious
.

The Literacy of the Soul

Oh how the soul reads
and how the soul writes

meek strokes, bold strokes
depth, superficiality
blindness, discretion
unweighed decisions, weighted choices

Desire baths the restless soul
unconsumed, unwanted

The mystery of the soul
No one can fathom
who will ever master the soul
Still no one knows
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The new white thing

One good thing is that I can update my thoughts on the go! I like!
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late night song to the Lord

let me rest in Your presence
bow before You at Your feet
Holy Father, pour Your anointing
on my life, on my hands

I lift my voice up to you
I lift my hands up to you
I lift my heart up to you

In the silence, fill me
In your presence, fill me
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romans 5

Loads of comparisons.
Good reminders.
Ministering.
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love note

I love how you love me
softly
gently
tenderly
You sweep me off my feet with your relentless pursuit
You impress me with the depth of your thoughts
You amaze me with your perceptiveness
I thank God that you are in my life
hugs and kisses
me
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