Surreal

I feel strange that I neither have to lead worship for cg tonight nor play the guitar for someone for worship tonight nor lead bible study nor practise for church this Sunday! Oh dear! I think this is a problemo!
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Leveraging

Today is the annual Sports Carnival event for school. I am in charge of a station which has 4 stalls. I had to brief 8 teachers who tends the 4 stalls. 

The reason why I am able to blog while sports carnival is happening is because the teachers had been trained/briefed accordingly. All I need to do at this moment is to oversee the whole station. It's like that for the Jakarta trip as well. Ground work - checked. Administrative work- checked. Teachers' duties- checked. When I go over to Jakarta, I am merely the overseer and the photographer. Each of the 3 teachers will be taking a group of 10 students. In the classroom, it is also like that. When  a lesson is planned properly, you don't need to fret and be flustered. And the kids learn.

I guess that is the concept of MLMs too. The leaders train their downlines in the knowledge and skills they need to sell the products and they get their commision from their downlines without having to do as much to earn the same amount.

That's why I think follow up with new believers is important. One person can only take care of one new believer at a time. The most ideal situation is to teach the basics to facilitate their growth then when they are more mature in their faith, they can do the follow up with other new believers too.

Heh. Just random muttering just cuz I can afford the time to do so. Better take a walk now. Ciao for now.
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Those "downtimes"

As I grow older as a Christian, whAt matters more to me is hearing what God is speaking to me more than the sermon itself. In church, That can Happen during the time of corporate worship, that can hAppen during prayer and more often than not, God speaks to me during the sermon. The sermon itself and the message carried across matters less than the moments in between sentences, during the time when there are pauses and the random insights that come. I think God needs those pockets of time to speak to us. Or else, He will have to give us a shove to get our attention.

To me, listening to the sermon and gathering more biblical knowledge would just mean that church is just a school where learning takes place intellectually. What is more important are those moments when I am inspired to change my life in a better way. And these changes are going to be more permanent because they are induced by the Holy Spirit who changes us from within.
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Thor (and I enjoyed the movie!)

" A wise king never seeks out war but he is always prepared for one."

that saying reminds me very much of this verse in the bible:

" Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect" -1 Peter 3:15

Love is a very big part of the christian faith. I guess the reminder in this for me is know the reason for my faith and be able to give a defence for what I believe when the situation arises. But more so, it's the act in preparation that is important.

I remember a very sweet friend (one of the sweetest ever) telling me a few times before "I am a very simple person, i believe very simple things about God". I think simple faith is precious, a gem, it helps one get through life with more peace, with more ease and contentment. But we are not alone in this world. We are brought out to be a light for others. Therefore, even though we believe our faith in God is simple, we must also be aware of issues that not so simple people face, and know how to respond to the questions they ask. Simple belief but think deep.
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Dear friend,

I just like you to know that people look at the way you talk and behave more than the number of times you share and preach about God.

I also like you to know that your credibility as a person and more importantly as a christian needs to be build over time with trust and integrity intact.

Also know that people are not stupid. And despite all that you do to prevent them from talking, they do talk and compare notes, so for your own sake, do be consistent with what you say to the people involved in the same situation.

For God's sake and your own, I pray that you get your issues sorted out so your standing amongst the community doesn't drop any more.

When I hear what has been going on, my heart cringed and my heart feels heavy heavy. I am not sure why that is so. I only know that the best thing I can do is to pray.

I don't know if I should feel thankful that I am not involved in this situation and the previous one. Not that I asked to be in the know either. Certain things just happened. But I believe there is a reason why.

I care enough to be concerned, but not enough to want to be involved. I don't have very good experiences being involved in situations like such. I think it is wiser to stay out of this, especially if my service is not required. I will pray that you will handle it well with God's strength and wisdom.

You are a victim of a situation as far as you allow yourself to be. Remember that.
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The inebriated moment

Alcohol dulls the senses so you focus on just what is in front of you. No distractions. You are able to enjoy the moment before you. Alcohol permits the ability only to focus on one thing- the present moment.

Maybe that's why people drink when they are depressed. They stop focusing on what they cannot see and focus only on the present moment; the drinking, the people in front of them.

I think this is also the reason why people fall in love over wine. You focus only on what the person seems to be, what they say and you are inebriated to the point you don't question more than you usually would.

For me, I tend to talk a lot more, explain more in depth, laugh more and repeat stuff that I had said before. If I am sober enough, I prolly will be able to talk about the same point in a different way.
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One of my random thoughts

I see many ang moh guys with Asian wives. Over time, I realize that ang moh's wives have a certain type of look, especially the younger ones. I wonder if angmoh's are attracted to the same type of women (that look) or whether the women make themselves look a certain wAy so they attract ang mohs or whether there's a dressing and hair consultant for ang moh wives wanna be.

I have a friend dating an ang moh. She used to look quite butch but she has feminised a lil after dating the ang moh. I wonder if she will eventually have THAT kind of look. Mmmmm..
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Today

Now.. This is what happens when you go for leisurely walks twice a week, play badminton on social intentions and gym with gym buddies who are more into catching up than sweating profusely; your back is sore and your ankles feel like cramping when you exert pressure on them. Playing competitive anything needs training and conditioning. The rewards are good though. A gold medal for the school and heaps of fun with peers. I am glad my hod gave me the task of leading this team out.

Now, aside from the training sessions for the kids tomorrow and heaps of practise for this Sunday's songs ( I have not really gotten the songs!!), I think I am doing just fine.

Thanksgiving 1: hod and P wrote a very good report in my nomination form for the outstanding PE teacher award which my hod nominated me for.

Thanksgiving 2: my sis, my surety, finally made it down with me to sign the letter of undertaking, lifting a load off my mind. Today's the official last day to sign the letter.

Thanksgiving 3: we got first. We trashed the other schools 16-3, 24-6, 22-11 and 19-9. Sweet. The last time our school sent a team, I heard they got 4th. Out of 4 schools. I hope we get a day off on Monday. Gave realtime updates to my P over email, with photos, thanks to the IPhone. :)

God is good, all the time.
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And so..

The car couldn't start at Dempsey on Saturday because I forgot to turn off the hazard lights. By the time I was done with ice-creAm 2 hours later. I called the insurance compAny and thankfully, they sent a guy within half an hour. He didn't come in the form of a tow truck, which is fine by me. He wore T-shirt and berms and drove an old Honda Accord. He opened up my bonnet and opened up his boot and in it I see many boxes of batteries. He jump started my car, tested the battery level and told me I could change the battery if I like but it was still okay. I took his "still okay" evaluation seriously since my bAttery was still okay when I checked a few months ago.

This afternoon, as if I didn't have enough to do, the car trembled in a threatening way when I started it to go off to meet a friend for tea. I brought the car to the Shell petrol kiosk beside my friend's place to get it checked and yep the battery needed to be replaced. Since I was going to be around that area for lunch, I asked about servicing as well. Turned out I had to change the air filter, air con filter and brake fluid. All in all, everything cost $347. Bleah. Guess what? I felt so confident driving the car after. Better to get it evaluated and maintain it now than to have it in a worse condition and incur a bigger cost in future.

It's a bit like our relationship with God, isn't it? Well, He's the one constantly prodding me to let me know which area of my life and character I need to work on. Better to maintain the soul from time to time than to reach a point when one is so "damaged" they have to spend a long time mending the pieces.

Zzzzzzz.
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ever since I am single...

I didn't think very much about what happened in the past few months, but of late, some people have been increasingly affectionate with me. Then I recalled the previous few times that had happened before, and I wondered why.

I have a friend stroking above my knee while talking to me (I was wearing shorts), someone held my arm and stroked my arm a little while saying goodbye (I had only had one long decent conversation with her the night before). I got kissed on the lips during a "hello how are you greeting?" after she asked if I was single or not. I have a quite femme friend coming up to me, looking at me in a more than a friend kinda way, stroking my hair, commenting on how nice and lovely it is, and how I have nice legs. I have another femme friend I just met for the first time, also looking funnily at me, telling me that I am hotter in person than on fridae.

I cringed from these situations. I realised I have to be attracted to someone before they can do all of the above to me. If not, a bit yeeky lah. I am that affectionate with friends though (but I don't give that sort of look when I am complimenting them, I don't kiss anyone on the lips and I don't stroke someone's bare legs lah!!)
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womanly routines.. oh no! They are auntie routines!!!

The things I do as I grow older. My shower and post shower routine drives me crazy, simply because I am the kind of gal who doesn't really care about how I look. Let's start from the shower:

1) Shampoo
2) Conditioner
3) Body gel
4) Scrub
5) Shave
6) Cleanser
7) Brush teeth
8) Take out contact lens
9) Powder
10) Epilate
11) Pluck brows
12) Toner
13) Moisturiser
14) body lotion
15) Comb hair
16) Clean ears
17) Floss
18) Trim my nails

See? So Auntie.. and so time consuming lah!!!!!

oops. I forgot to add:
19) Put on some clothes/climb into bed
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I realised..

I tend to pray more whenever worship music is played. It's nice. I ought to have the habit of plugging in more.
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I struggled..

while waiting for the treasurer at church to settle the direct transfer of tithing from bank to church account, I felt a little guilty that I didn't tithe last month.

I was walking back after tuition and thought about the money in my bag from selling the iphone. It was so painful to think about giving up half of that into the offering bag for last month's tithe. I struggled and rationalised and fought inside of me. This is actually the first time I struggled with tithing. And I wondered why. I thought I had overcome this 5 years ago when I had the conviction to start tithing monthly.

I put on some worship music and talked to God and felt more at peace. God sees my heart. He knows I want to tithe. Maybe I am so fixed in my mindset of having to tithe that certain amount within a month of my pay date that my equilibrium felt shifted.

I foresee money is going to be an area that would potentially be a bigger matter compared to before. I have been praying on and off for a place where I am able to open it up for people to come by to be ministered. I look at some of the nice cars and nice houses I see and wondered why some people are so much richer than others. Today, I was tempted to stop by the TOTO outlet while walking past it. but I reject my feelings of envy in Jesus name. Praying to keep focused on the things that truly matters and focus on the things that are above and not the things that are on earth.
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belated post from 29th April

from my lost iphone, which is now found. I love my 3GS so much more than the iphone 4 white. Anyhowz, I made a neat profit from selling the iphone 4 today to a guy from China who wanted to get it as a gift for his girlfriend. And I was thinking, even if my current 3GS spoils, I will still get a second hand 3GS. I love curves. :)

My views on the Elections on 29th April 2011



The facebook updates of my friends about the recent hot topic, the Elections, obviously has got me thinking as well, not a great deal but enough to want to know more and read up more.

I read the speeches given by the different leaders of the differen parties and whilst I am amazed by the way they campaigned for their party, my heart is not at peace with any of them taking over Singapore. Since a bi-partisan system doesn't And wouldn't work very well in Singapore, it's challenging because it's either we allow our country to be led by the present ruling party, or not.

I think PAP has brought us thus far and even though I might not agree with every policy and system they had come up with, I don't feel Singspore is ready to be ruled by an entirely new party. I believe very much in handholding. That's why i don't feel at peace at PAP losing control because afterall, they had done so much for Singapore.

The ideal situation for me is for PAP to maintain its reign but increase the level of involvement of the opposition parties in decision making i.e more stake in SMC and GRC hence more representation in the Parliament. In 5 years, perhaps instead of overhauling the current parliament and it's existing policies, they can learn the ropes in stabilizing the situation in Singapore whilst enhancing present policies.

But well, it's only for a period of 5 years and I don't think things will be very much worse than how it is currently. It might even be better. My mind says: give it a shot. My heart seeks the stability of the situation. Wisdom calls for a balance. And what's with Teo Ser Luck with his new moustache look. Yeeky,
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the kind of person I would like to be

over the 5 hours I spent at the salon last week, the lady boss of the salon, together with one of her staff, was having an interesting exchange about his bad habit of taking medical leave on Saturdays (the busiest day for hairdressers). She was chiding him, he defended himself, she insisted that she was right about him being lazy and he continued to defend himself.. I marvel at how she could tell him off directly but yet able to keep laughing while she was doing that.

It's something I want to work towards? I am conflict avoidant, it helps that I generally have a high tolerance level to almost everything. The way I deal with conflicts is this: If things can be overlooked, then let it pass. If it is important enough, I will be as kind with my words as possible so I don't offend or hurt the other person. After all, the idea is to get the point across right? Usually, it takes a lot to get me that upset and irritated to the level that I tell the person exactly how I feel in the raw form. It is not good because I usually get emotional at that point. Moreover, I need to feel detached in order to tell the person honestly how I feel. And feeling detached is not a good thing.

I like to be that sort of person to be able to bring the point across directly to a person and yet not make them feel like they are despised. Some people have done it to me before. It cuts, it hurts but the point gets across and I become a better person after that. I always remember a kind sincere smile, jokes and laughter after the conversation that still makes me feel like accepted and special. Maybe even more special because I am made to improve yet I am still accepted and loved as I am.

Yep. Maybe I just need to lighten up a lil.
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rambling

I have been totally exhausted at work. I can't wait for this weekend to come. What's up? First, there's cell group, then there's briefing for parents regarding the Jakarta trip, then a break, then some Rabbits' birthday partay, then Thor, then rehearsal, then church! Then lunch with the gals, then then some marking..

Can't wait for the 31st May to come. Jakarta via SQ! My favourite airline!
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quite funny

while I was at the salon colouring my hair, I read 1 and 2 Peter on my Iphone ESV (Love the ESV version!!) bible. These verses caught my eye:


"Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."

1 Peter 3:3-4

God is so cute. okayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
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And so...

I always dread this part of the year. Twice a year, I put myself through this torture and drag my feet to my dentist; just that it wasn't my dentist today. My gums have been painful since 2 weeks ago but I hadn't found the time to see him. I finally called the dental clinic yesterday but learnt that his next free slot is next Thursday. I had no choice but to use the other dentist since she's free.

During the treatment, I wondered why I didn't go to her before. She's much gentle than my other dentist. So motherly and patient. I think I will probably go back to her the next time. I saw the dentist's x-ray machine for the first time in my life! It's cool because the x-ray came out in a matter of minutes. She wanted to check for cavities but thankfully, it was just a gum infection. I should start flossing religiously. Lazy lazy me. The X ray cost 20 bucks, the injection 10, the standard cleaning, scaling, polishing 60, 5 for the mouthwash ( which I never use but I didn't dare to tell the receptionist because the last time I did, I got nagged).

Anywayz, MOE only subsidies 80 bucks per year for dental. My average dental fee is $60 x 2= $120. I have to top up another $40. Quite sad Hor. Why a long post about my dental visit? Because my gums are still swollen from the injection and treatment and I am quite bored sitting at the salon recolouring my hair. I also hate this part of the year especially when I do both coloring and rebonding together. 5 hours in the salon!! That's another story I shall tell another time. Gonna read the papers Now.
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About Bibles and more

I always have a spare bible in the car because I never know when I have the chance to bless someone with it. In the last three years, I had the privilege of giving away 5 bibles to friends who did not own one but who were interested in knowing more about God/Christianity/new believers.

A dear friend, knowing that I needed a spare new bible having just given one away about a few months ago, got  me one brand new one and insisted that I do not pay her. That's kind. Not that I am complaining, but it did get expensive especially last year when I was on half pay. 

While I was repacking the car today, I saw another second hand bible King James version. I exchanged a brand new NIV version with this new believer about a year ago. It was given to her by the security guard at her workplace. kJVs are not easily understood especially to new believers who do not have a strong command of the language. But the language is beautiful. So shakespearish.

Now that my friend has blessed me with the brand new bible, I decided to take the kjV bible out to the beach and after spending some time reading it, left it at a bench at the park. Praying that someone will pick it up and be blessed by it. I don't like to give second hand goods as gifts though my ex domestic helper was extremely estastic when I gave her my bible before she left us. I didn't have a brand new bible then but had felt a strong prompting to give my bible to her. She said that was her first bible. My heart broke then and I was upset with myself for not doing more in the two years she was with us.

While reading 1 and 2 Peters this morning (after learning from another dear friend that these were the letters that he wrote when he was in prison), several passages spoke to me.

1 Peter 2.

9 But ye [are] a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light:

18 Servants, [be] subject to [your] masters with all fear; not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward.

19 For this [is] thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.

20 For what glory [is it], if, when ye be buffeted for your faults, ye shall take it patiently? but if, when ye do well, and suffer [for it], ye take it patiently, this [is] acceptable with God.

21 For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

22 Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth:

23 Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed [himself] to him that judgeth righteously:
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Weekend thoughts

Lots of angsty posts in the past few days. PMS posts I call them. Now I am better.

I liken our relationship with God like our romantic relationships with our partners. It starts off strong, on fire, then the fire starts to simmer but when both parties still work on keeping the relationship alive by being attentive to each other, the relationship will continue to grow. The relationship matures and becomes richer. 

It's like that with God too. When we engage God, He will reciprocate and respond. When we continue to serve, we grow in maturity, faith and dependence on Him. Over time, the relationship with God is richer. Very nice feeling.
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Friendship and jealousy

I learnt long ago that envy is feeling unhappy of someone because he/she has something that you don't have. Jealousy is being unhappy of someone who has more than you do.

I received an email sometime ago with a friend telling me she's jealous of the friendship I have with another friend. My question is: What can I do about it? She has not responded.

Why do some people have that expectation that everything needs to given in fair amounts? Don't people have preferences? In life, there are some people that you get along better than others. I get along with most people very well. But there are only a few I share my heart with. I am generally quite open in sharing but things that are close to my heart are not as easily shared.

How do I know who I should share certain matters to? Firstly, I need to be able to feel comfortable with them. Secondly, they are mature enough to deal with information; that they can keep information to themselves, that they won't get angry and take offence on my behalf, that they are able to emphatise yet help me see a clearer picture of the situation. Most importantly, they need to be around to show that they have time to hear me out, not because they are interested in me as more than a friend, but because they value who I am as a person and that they value my friendship. Usually, when that happens, I naturally feel drawn to them. It's also like that in my romantic relationship with my exes. The more I get to share my heart, the deeper I feel for them. Maybe I give people the idea that I am a very strong person and that I don't need anyone.

There are not many friends I can share deeply with. Most of the time, when people want to meet up with me, they are either interested in me or that they have something they need from me. And for some it's pretty obvious because once I expressed that I prefer to be just friends, they don't even say hi that readily anymore, it further confirms that they are not someone I like as a partner. I believe that a good friend will make a good partner. I believe that someone naturally affectionate and someone who has love for others especially strangers will make good partners. Why? Because in the later part of the relationship, when the sexual and physical attraction may not be as strong as before, how they treat friends and strangers would be how they would treat the partner.

Anyhowz.

Even God is unfair; He chooses how much He wants to give to whoever He wants to give to but He's definitely just. We don't question His judgement because his ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are definitely higher than our thoughts. We just pray that in time to come, we learn to know the wisdom of His plans.

So.. I need to go. More laterz.
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these are a few of my favourite things.. la la la

colours * ice limau * veins * pink * almonds * strawberry smoothie *caramel chocolates * ham&cheese bagette * red&gold ribbons * thick comforter * cuddling * body against body * skin against skin * a perfect fit * soft hair * hatchback cars * bubble milk tea 70% sugar, fewer pearls * mocha * polo * VS * white watch * silver watch * heart aches * evergreen * black opal * gym * laughter * cranberry&sprite * hugs * kisses * gmail chat * pretty pedicured feet * haviaanas * surprises * lavender massage oil * sensual massages * americano *
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I don't feel very wise and smart nowadays..

I need to take more effort to spend time with God and read the bible. I actually feel the smartest and wisest and blah blah blah after a session of getting connected with God.

Jesus powerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................
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More about relationships and partners

One new thing that I realised is very important in a relationship is the maturity of the partner. I am not talking about maturity in age nor spiritual maturity (though I think that could help in adding on to wisdom and emotional maturity).

Resilience is much needed. Not so strong that it takes the place of affection and warmth, but strong enough so emotional blackmail and childish-ness do not take place.

My take on this: If you are not strong enough to manage your own emotions (which is totally normal and okay if you manage to work things out between yourself and God and not implicate others), it is quite likely you will act childish/ do childish things (which is okay too because being childish sometimes is cute too, sometimes), but not for me because I flee from emotional blackmail and childish-ness that comes from attention-seeking (which is okay too if my emotional bank is full). I love to give you know.

A person who is also younger also has some licence to be childish (and it's cute too, once again). But imagine someone older (say their mid-thirties onwards); How can you say you are ready for a relationship when you need a younger potential partner to be (not even a partner yet) to take care of your emotions?? I find that a turn off actually. I would still be a friend and see if I can help to make them feel better in any way possible, but to still see them as a potential partner? No way. I feel like I am writing this in a very harsh tone and it may come across as being condescending but it's pure honesty on my part. Maybe it's also because I am PMSsing, and also because I am irritated by something recent that has happened.

Sigh. Maybe that's why I think older women are attractive because I like that resilience in them, so my emotions get taken care of too. Hiak hiak. Of course, if I date someone younger, that will also mean I will feel a greater sense of responsiblity taking care of their emotions lor........

But no younger women for me unless Cupid strikes. Even then, I will be thinking twice, maybe thrice. Thanks you very much. Let me get through ALL my marking before I write more.

Ciaoz.
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