God is the only one who would send His son to die for me.
Jesus, who is perfect, is the only man who will die a crucifixed death for me.
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Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
I feel glad because
I said I would practise one round of bass, mark 8 scripts and pack. I thought I was ambitious! BUT>.....
I did the first two tasks. Now I am onto packing. Woohoo!
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I did the first two tasks. Now I am onto packing. Woohoo!
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Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Rambling (I should be marking)
one thing I really dislike about driving is losing the thought that comes to mind. Usually, it gets more frustrating because that thought will continue to grow to the point where I wish I could stop the car there and then and start writing. But I don't. So I lose the inspiration to write after. duh.
Was listening to the song by Chris Tomlin Awakening and there was this sentence that spoke to me "And you and only you alone, awakes my soul, awakes my soul". Actually the original lyrics are " and you and only you alone, awake my soul, awake my soul". Amazing how the absence of an "s" changes the meaning of the sentence. Anywayz, while singing the song (my way) in the car, I thought about how truly, it's only God who can awake my soul the way He does. And that is the reason why I find Him amazing. He provides something for me that no human is able to. And of course there are more things God provides that no humans can provide. He's amaaaaazzing.
It also led me to realise why intellectuals have more difficulty figuring out the concept of God, I think they are normally high achievers who believe in solving problems by themselves. Until they reach a point where they truly need God, they won't want to lower their pride and ego to admit they do. Is it any wonder why God allows us to go through trials and tribulations? I am self-sufficient but not that intellectual, so maybe that's why I can accept the abstract concept of God better. hehe.
And now, I am so looking forward to Perth. In exactly 48 hours, I will be flying across the Indian ocean. Yoohoo!!! Though it has only been erhm.. 6 months since I last went to Perth, it's different this time because it's an easy trip with an easy travel companion. Am anticipating lots of fun and laughter. Plus... the weather is ABSOLUTELY fabulous, 14-24 degrees celsius. Just my kind of weather. Oh... the aussie air... FABULOUS!!
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Was listening to the song by Chris Tomlin Awakening and there was this sentence that spoke to me "And you and only you alone, awakes my soul, awakes my soul". Actually the original lyrics are " and you and only you alone, awake my soul, awake my soul". Amazing how the absence of an "s" changes the meaning of the sentence. Anywayz, while singing the song (my way) in the car, I thought about how truly, it's only God who can awake my soul the way He does. And that is the reason why I find Him amazing. He provides something for me that no human is able to. And of course there are more things God provides that no humans can provide. He's amaaaaazzing.
It also led me to realise why intellectuals have more difficulty figuring out the concept of God, I think they are normally high achievers who believe in solving problems by themselves. Until they reach a point where they truly need God, they won't want to lower their pride and ego to admit they do. Is it any wonder why God allows us to go through trials and tribulations? I am self-sufficient but not that intellectual, so maybe that's why I can accept the abstract concept of God better. hehe.
And now, I am so looking forward to Perth. In exactly 48 hours, I will be flying across the Indian ocean. Yoohoo!!! Though it has only been erhm.. 6 months since I last went to Perth, it's different this time because it's an easy trip with an easy travel companion. Am anticipating lots of fun and laughter. Plus... the weather is ABSOLUTELY fabulous, 14-24 degrees celsius. Just my kind of weather. Oh... the aussie air... FABULOUS!!
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Tuesday, April 26, 2011
good news and not so good news
well.. the good news is that I am accepted to do the part-time Masters programme at NIE so I give thanks for that. I am exceedingly thankful because I would be more certain of being successful in my application if I were doing something related to what I am doing at work (Masters of Science - Exercise Science).
It was a step of faith to apply to study Developmental Psychology. Aside from some Sports Psychology courses I had taken before, what I used to study has no relation to Psychology at all. Those who have followed me on the journey of considering through and eventually applying for the course would have seen God moving in this situation.
The not so good news is that since lessons are once a week on a Monday and quite a few full days during the school holidays, I got to miss Monday badminton sessions and take shorter holidays. Essentially, because I am doing this part-time, my priorities got to change. I would have less time to work and play around with. I am a bit down thinking about that because my non-working hours are truly precious. It won't be an easy 2-3 years but I guess it's all part of God's plan. Will surely track this faith journey on this blog.
That's all the update for now. There are so many forms to fill in I get a lil anxious just looking at them. Anyhowz, thank you God for this opportunity to be able to do something outside of teaching if it is meant to be. I actually am a little excited about what I will be studying. Ganbatte!
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It was a step of faith to apply to study Developmental Psychology. Aside from some Sports Psychology courses I had taken before, what I used to study has no relation to Psychology at all. Those who have followed me on the journey of considering through and eventually applying for the course would have seen God moving in this situation.
The not so good news is that since lessons are once a week on a Monday and quite a few full days during the school holidays, I got to miss Monday badminton sessions and take shorter holidays. Essentially, because I am doing this part-time, my priorities got to change. I would have less time to work and play around with. I am a bit down thinking about that because my non-working hours are truly precious. It won't be an easy 2-3 years but I guess it's all part of God's plan. Will surely track this faith journey on this blog.
That's all the update for now. There are so many forms to fill in I get a lil anxious just looking at them. Anyhowz, thank you God for this opportunity to be able to do something outside of teaching if it is meant to be. I actually am a little excited about what I will be studying. Ganbatte!
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CWC stands for..
I have been ferrying a badminton friend to CCK Mrt so she could take a train back to Yishun (which takes 20 minutes from CCK). SHe could travel straight home from Farrer Park and take the same amount of time but I figured she values our time in catching up.
Our sharing sessions are nice and intimate. I like that sort of catch up, where we touch on the things important in life. Of course, being the random person I am, I enjoy laughing at silly things. But there's a time and season for everything. Tonight, we shared our faith journeys. She asked questions, I answered. I asked questions, she answered. It was heartwarming for me to be able to share about what's most important in my life.
Another friend also provided a listening ear to another badminton gal she ferries home. We chatted a little after that and coined an acronym: CWC: Christians with Cars. I think this is a newfound ministry, at least for both of us.
On a more serious note, I think people need to to be engaged more in conversations about God's wonderful love and work in our lives. We are primarily spiritual beings estranged from God until we allow Him to find us again. I am humbled whenever He uses me as a vehicle to ferry people to where they should be. All praise and glory to Him.
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Our sharing sessions are nice and intimate. I like that sort of catch up, where we touch on the things important in life. Of course, being the random person I am, I enjoy laughing at silly things. But there's a time and season for everything. Tonight, we shared our faith journeys. She asked questions, I answered. I asked questions, she answered. It was heartwarming for me to be able to share about what's most important in my life.
Another friend also provided a listening ear to another badminton gal she ferries home. We chatted a little after that and coined an acronym: CWC: Christians with Cars. I think this is a newfound ministry, at least for both of us.
On a more serious note, I think people need to to be engaged more in conversations about God's wonderful love and work in our lives. We are primarily spiritual beings estranged from God until we allow Him to find us again. I am humbled whenever He uses me as a vehicle to ferry people to where they should be. All praise and glory to Him.
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Monday, April 25, 2011
and so
I think the Friday service was contemplative enough to get me into the mode of contemplation at the Lord's feet on Sunday. There isn't a place that I would rather be than to be that close to Him. The feeling's awesome. I feel refreshed and renewed.
He died so that I would be alive.
He died so that I am set free.
He died so that I can have life, and life eternal.
I am thankful and grateful.
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He died so that I would be alive.
He died so that I am set free.
He died so that I can have life, and life eternal.
I am thankful and grateful.
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Wednesday, April 20, 2011
posting some frivolous stuff
just because I feel like it. :)
And so my right leg is injured because I wasn't aware that the foot reflexologist in HK was going to do what she did to my leg. It was so painful then but I didn't think very much of it since it didn't bother me during the rest of my HK trip.
On MOnday, during badminton, there weren't enough courts for the first hour so we went for a quick jog around the area, the jog included a trip up and down the overhead bridge. The next thing I knew, I was limping at work. Bleah. I managed to find some time to go by the pool for some water therapy, both for my sanity and my knee. It felt better at the end of the day. I felt awesome by the end of the day too.
I got a slight toothache since yesterday which gets quite irritating. I think it should be okay by tomorrow.
I was on a liquid diet for part of the day: Bubble tea from KOI, strawberry smoothie and black coffee. Lots of liquids. Goody. Not because of my toothache but it coincidentally helped. so goody.
I realised buying a bar of chocolate tastes more delicious at Cold Storage than eating the dessert in restaurants which cost 10 times more.
I shall do better to call and select my foot reflexologist the next time even though most of them are very good. My foot reflexologist today reminded me of some of my students. When I told him what I prefer, he only remembers it for the next minute. GrRRRRRR... a teachable moment to bring to the kids tomorrow.
my brother knows more about alcohol about me now that he's starting his studies at SHATEC. It's pretty cool studying all about service, food and beverages. He's also studying Italian and French. How cool is that!
I am feeling super sleepy because of the Italian beer. I didn't exercise today so it must be the beer. And the marking. OMG. I nearly stood up on my chair and screamed. Sometimes marking just get too dreary. But I managed go get through a lot of it today. More this weekend!
I got some pretty sound-reducing headphones from HK airport. White Sennheiser. Cool bits! Using it right now. :)
I am beginning to feel more for the very challenging kids I am teaching currently. They really need me. So sad when I hear some of their stories.. :(
Now, I am actually in a jolly good mood because tomorrow is the last day of the week!
I need to go now because I gotto practise the 3 songs for this weekend. Not too taxing this time around. Yoohoo! God is good, all the time!
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And so my right leg is injured because I wasn't aware that the foot reflexologist in HK was going to do what she did to my leg. It was so painful then but I didn't think very much of it since it didn't bother me during the rest of my HK trip.
On MOnday, during badminton, there weren't enough courts for the first hour so we went for a quick jog around the area, the jog included a trip up and down the overhead bridge. The next thing I knew, I was limping at work. Bleah. I managed to find some time to go by the pool for some water therapy, both for my sanity and my knee. It felt better at the end of the day. I felt awesome by the end of the day too.
I got a slight toothache since yesterday which gets quite irritating. I think it should be okay by tomorrow.
I was on a liquid diet for part of the day: Bubble tea from KOI, strawberry smoothie and black coffee. Lots of liquids. Goody. Not because of my toothache but it coincidentally helped. so goody.
I realised buying a bar of chocolate tastes more delicious at Cold Storage than eating the dessert in restaurants which cost 10 times more.
I shall do better to call and select my foot reflexologist the next time even though most of them are very good. My foot reflexologist today reminded me of some of my students. When I told him what I prefer, he only remembers it for the next minute. GrRRRRRR... a teachable moment to bring to the kids tomorrow.
my brother knows more about alcohol about me now that he's starting his studies at SHATEC. It's pretty cool studying all about service, food and beverages. He's also studying Italian and French. How cool is that!
I am feeling super sleepy because of the Italian beer. I didn't exercise today so it must be the beer. And the marking. OMG. I nearly stood up on my chair and screamed. Sometimes marking just get too dreary. But I managed go get through a lot of it today. More this weekend!
I got some pretty sound-reducing headphones from HK airport. White Sennheiser. Cool bits! Using it right now. :)
I am beginning to feel more for the very challenging kids I am teaching currently. They really need me. So sad when I hear some of their stories.. :(
Now, I am actually in a jolly good mood because tomorrow is the last day of the week!
I need to go now because I gotto practise the 3 songs for this weekend. Not too taxing this time around. Yoohoo! God is good, all the time!
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Tuesday, April 19, 2011
It's all about Jesus
It's so easy to just be swept away by the tune of a song and not pay attention to the lyrics. I remember a friend of mine telling me she felt suicidal when she was listening to Jars of Clay, a Christian rock band. HeAring that baffled me at that time as a young teenager and a non - Christian. Jars of Clay brand of music is akin to mellow and melancholic rock. Without paying attention to the lyrics which speaks about the love and grace of God (which will minister to us), it is no wonder people will feel suicidal when when they are already feeling melancholic.
Lately, I caught myself paying more attention to how the different instruments in a song sound. My ears are more in tune with the way the bass guitar. Being so busy at work cause my mind to constantly think about stuff when i am not occupied. It was yesterday when I realized how a change in focus to deliberately put all distractors and thoughts aside that I could focus on worshipping God and letting the holy spirit minister, build, edify and heal.
I pray that I will never be sidetracked from the reason why I join the worship ministry and start learning the bass.
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Lately, I caught myself paying more attention to how the different instruments in a song sound. My ears are more in tune with the way the bass guitar. Being so busy at work cause my mind to constantly think about stuff when i am not occupied. It was yesterday when I realized how a change in focus to deliberately put all distractors and thoughts aside that I could focus on worshipping God and letting the holy spirit minister, build, edify and heal.
I pray that I will never be sidetracked from the reason why I join the worship ministry and start learning the bass.
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Monday, April 18, 2011
Are butches better in bed?
My new favourite travel partner and I were surrounded by 5 butches and 3 femmes on the plane. She asked if I think butches are better in bed. Interesting question. I have no answer to that except to ask her to try since there are a few we know who are interested in her. Hiak hiak.
For me, the "butchiest" partner I had was my second gf. She would be what I consider an andro butch, not just in looks but in her mindset of roles played in a relationship. She wants to be the one who provides for me if I need. She is a preferred active in bed, her love languages are words of affirmation and acts of services, love languages typical of most butches/actives in the relationship. (I interveiwed more than a few lesbians on their love languages).
She feels most loved when her partner prepares her stuff for her before she gets to work etc. Well, in my opinion, it's nice to be spoilt but I heard that most butches do not like to be touched and they do not like to receive. I would be very miserable if I am not able to touch my partner and make my partner happy by giving to her because I am a tactile person and a natural giver. Giving makes me feel happy. Giving makes me feel more for my partner.
All things aside, if butches gets pleasure from being touched, I feel they can be good lovers in bed especially if they like to be the ones doing all the work. Hiak hiak. I believe sex is not the most important thing between 2 partners but I believe very strongly that both partners should be sufficiently satisfied, sexually. In any relationship, I feel what makes a good lover is lots of patience ( so there can be extended foreplay), lots of passion ( so both will feel desired), and more importantly, lots of love. I do think that sensitive, observant, perceptive and intuitive people make better lovers because they pick up cues quickly, follow them efficiently and hence execute actions effectively. If I have the time, I will love to do research on lesbian relationships and the dynamics in relationships. So much more fun than marking!
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For me, the "butchiest" partner I had was my second gf. She would be what I consider an andro butch, not just in looks but in her mindset of roles played in a relationship. She wants to be the one who provides for me if I need. She is a preferred active in bed, her love languages are words of affirmation and acts of services, love languages typical of most butches/actives in the relationship. (I interveiwed more than a few lesbians on their love languages).
She feels most loved when her partner prepares her stuff for her before she gets to work etc. Well, in my opinion, it's nice to be spoilt but I heard that most butches do not like to be touched and they do not like to receive. I would be very miserable if I am not able to touch my partner and make my partner happy by giving to her because I am a tactile person and a natural giver. Giving makes me feel happy. Giving makes me feel more for my partner.
All things aside, if butches gets pleasure from being touched, I feel they can be good lovers in bed especially if they like to be the ones doing all the work. Hiak hiak. I believe sex is not the most important thing between 2 partners but I believe very strongly that both partners should be sufficiently satisfied, sexually. In any relationship, I feel what makes a good lover is lots of patience ( so there can be extended foreplay), lots of passion ( so both will feel desired), and more importantly, lots of love. I do think that sensitive, observant, perceptive and intuitive people make better lovers because they pick up cues quickly, follow them efficiently and hence execute actions effectively. If I have the time, I will love to do research on lesbian relationships and the dynamics in relationships. So much more fun than marking!
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While the plane is delayed...
I am currently listening to Chris Tomlin's songs and reading the book "developing an effective worship ministry". This random thought came quite suddenly and I realize that I have changed quite significantly since last year.
This year, though I am still as essygoing as before (I hope), I find that I am able to be more assertive. I am able to ask for things more easily. I speak up more readily. I do not have to speak when I have nothing to say. I am able to have the courage to be honest with some of my friends when I feel it's appropriate to do so and when the timing is right. I am more rested, less frivolous. I generally feel I am in a more stable state much more than a year ago.
Yeh. I feel like I hold a greater amount of authority. It could be that I have grown older. It could be because of a more deeply seated security in who I am as a child of God. I dunno. Signing off now.
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This year, though I am still as essygoing as before (I hope), I find that I am able to be more assertive. I am able to ask for things more easily. I speak up more readily. I do not have to speak when I have nothing to say. I am able to have the courage to be honest with some of my friends when I feel it's appropriate to do so and when the timing is right. I am more rested, less frivolous. I generally feel I am in a more stable state much more than a year ago.
Yeh. I feel like I hold a greater amount of authority. It could be that I have grown older. It could be because of a more deeply seated security in who I am as a child of God. I dunno. Signing off now.
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Friday, April 15, 2011
Argh
Holiday mood since yesterday. Marking's productively level is crap.. I was also distracted by this new iPhone Application called EL which is basically lesbians' version of Grindr. Someone initiated chat with me and over time, I realized that she's from hk, and I told her I was going to hk today and after learning that I am a Christian, she asked if I wanted to attend BMCF! Wow! It's divine. I told her flight timings didn't allow me to do that. She said she had attended it once with her gf and she liked it. She stopped going because her gf wasn't comfortable.
That is the reason why I would like a partner who's a Christian, Because God is so important in my life, I like my partner to be able to understand and share that same heart I have for the things of God. So not just a Sunday Christian, but a Christian who believes in the God I believe in, who sees the importance of certain things in life. It is not because the bible says not to be unequally yorked with unbelievers. I always believe God gives certain advice for a reason. I have never been able to figure out why I am intuitively attracted to fellow believers. I think there's something about them that I desire and yearn to hAve and that is their love for God and His people.
Time to go back to my marking. Ciao.
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That is the reason why I would like a partner who's a Christian, Because God is so important in my life, I like my partner to be able to understand and share that same heart I have for the things of God. So not just a Sunday Christian, but a Christian who believes in the God I believe in, who sees the importance of certain things in life. It is not because the bible says not to be unequally yorked with unbelievers. I always believe God gives certain advice for a reason. I have never been able to figure out why I am intuitively attracted to fellow believers. I think there's something about them that I desire and yearn to hAve and that is their love for God and His people.
Time to go back to my marking. Ciao.
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Thursday, April 14, 2011
why....
are the people who send me hearts/write to me so young? Do I look young? Or do I look like a sugar mummy?
Grrrrrr.
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Grrrrrr.
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Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Feels like I am going a lil crazy
This week is so busy it's not even funny anymore.
What's sustaining me?
1) anticipation of the short weekend break
2) bass shopping and catch up with a dear friend
3) a productive week at work
4) healthier homemade brekkie and lunches
5) lotsa thoughtfulness
6) some sort of warped entertainment from the sidelines
and grace and strength from above. Praying for God to continue to sustain me. 2 more days to the weekend! I want and need to exercise too!!! Grrrrrrrr!!
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What's sustaining me?
1) anticipation of the short weekend break
2) bass shopping and catch up with a dear friend
3) a productive week at work
4) healthier homemade brekkie and lunches
5) lotsa thoughtfulness
6) some sort of warped entertainment from the sidelines
and grace and strength from above. Praying for God to continue to sustain me. 2 more days to the weekend! I want and need to exercise too!!! Grrrrrrrr!!
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Friday, April 8, 2011
wow!
I am soooooooo thankful the week has come to an end. It was such a crazy week at work that I forgot I was leading worship at CG tonight! Wow! Thank God for a friend who reminded me. THANKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS....
Next week is just as busy but now is the time to let go and enjoy the weekend. Looking forward to fellowshipping with the gals! There is work to be completed though. Will take things in my stride. Meanwhile, have a great weekend, everyone! :)
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Next week is just as busy but now is the time to let go and enjoy the weekend. Looking forward to fellowshipping with the gals! There is work to be completed though. Will take things in my stride. Meanwhile, have a great weekend, everyone! :)
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Tuesday, April 5, 2011
My new book?
Oh.. I really enjoy writing, sometimes at the expense of my marking. Can I write full time please? I can be the first Singaporean lesbian christian writer? No? The title of my book will be " The second mouse gets the cheese"
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Today's Tuesday
and Tuesday is my toughest day. Thankful that it is over. As if things can't get any worse, I have to be sniffing and coughing away and suffer first day cramps. I took a record breaking 5 Synflexes today and the only reason why it didn't go up to 6 was because I read on the label "Eat 2 tab/twice a day" Oops.
My kids got semi-trashed in their netball game today and it was because of their silly mistakes. All on this wonderful Tuesday which is wonderful now that it's ending.
I am thankful for a job that pays me reasonably well for the amount of work I have to do. And so I should give my best in what I am supposed to do.
DO MY BEST DO MY BEST DO MY BEST.
I realised my posts have been more serious in tone this year. Is that good or bad? I get bored with myself sometimes. hehe.
I thought of something to blog before I start blogging but I forgot now what I want to blog so I shall just rant.
I have not gone out with anyone from Fridae. Just communicating over email with a few. And there is this standard question: How do you reconcile your faith and sexuality? Hmmm.. I am sure I have my response somewhere. I answered that question quite a few times and am tired of typing it out. I just got to look for it. Maybe it's in my blog too.. hmmm..
Okay! Time to shower and then deenar!! Time to make an appointment with my dentist too!
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My kids got semi-trashed in their netball game today and it was because of their silly mistakes. All on this wonderful Tuesday which is wonderful now that it's ending.
I am thankful for a job that pays me reasonably well for the amount of work I have to do. And so I should give my best in what I am supposed to do.
DO MY BEST DO MY BEST DO MY BEST.
I realised my posts have been more serious in tone this year. Is that good or bad? I get bored with myself sometimes. hehe.
I thought of something to blog before I start blogging but I forgot now what I want to blog so I shall just rant.
I have not gone out with anyone from Fridae. Just communicating over email with a few. And there is this standard question: How do you reconcile your faith and sexuality? Hmmm.. I am sure I have my response somewhere. I answered that question quite a few times and am tired of typing it out. I just got to look for it. Maybe it's in my blog too.. hmmm..
Okay! Time to shower and then deenar!! Time to make an appointment with my dentist too!
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Monday, April 4, 2011
25 randoms in 2011
1) My mind's pretty congested lately.
2) I feel very pleased with myself and thankful to God for the prompting because there won't be a birthday cake for that birthday party if I had not followed the prompting.
3) I do not feel pleased that I am not appreciated for that.
4) I know I shouldn't feel that way.
5) I gave myself a break today and marked only a few scripts of corrections.
6) Clean sheets make me happy.
7) I chew straws when I am deep in thought.
8) I think my third highest love language is gifts.
9) The most important thing on my bed is a blanket.
10) My partner would come a close second. Very very very close.
11) I have been eating MaLing for the past 7 meals in 4 days.
12) Last weekend was the first time I bought 2 birthday cakes for 1 person.
13) I love sleeping naked under the sheets.
14) I try not to wear undies unless really necessary.
15) My ex-partner said I am a closeted nudist.
16) My closest Australian ang moh friend is coming back next weekend.
17) I am more lesbian than I thought.
18) I buy a lot of alcohol from the airport but I only drink 1% of what I buy.
19) I am currently using 3 types of fragrances.
20) I think sweating after exercise is sexy.
21) I think the world is ending soon.
22) There is one person I like to walk hand in hand with in heaven.
23) I can survive without MSN. Lately, I log on to communicate only twice a week.
24) I am thankful for simple little things in life.
25) I am praying to God to give me a steadfast heart and ready me for a relationship.
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2) I feel very pleased with myself and thankful to God for the prompting because there won't be a birthday cake for that birthday party if I had not followed the prompting.
3) I do not feel pleased that I am not appreciated for that.
4) I know I shouldn't feel that way.
5) I gave myself a break today and marked only a few scripts of corrections.
6) Clean sheets make me happy.
7) I chew straws when I am deep in thought.
8) I think my third highest love language is gifts.
9) The most important thing on my bed is a blanket.
10) My partner would come a close second. Very very very close.
11) I have been eating MaLing for the past 7 meals in 4 days.
12) Last weekend was the first time I bought 2 birthday cakes for 1 person.
13) I love sleeping naked under the sheets.
14) I try not to wear undies unless really necessary.
15) My ex-partner said I am a closeted nudist.
16) My closest Australian ang moh friend is coming back next weekend.
17) I am more lesbian than I thought.
18) I buy a lot of alcohol from the airport but I only drink 1% of what I buy.
19) I am currently using 3 types of fragrances.
20) I think sweating after exercise is sexy.
21) I think the world is ending soon.
22) There is one person I like to walk hand in hand with in heaven.
23) I can survive without MSN. Lately, I log on to communicate only twice a week.
24) I am thankful for simple little things in life.
25) I am praying to God to give me a steadfast heart and ready me for a relationship.
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and so I have been thinking..
thinking about attraction and what causes people to fall in and out of love.
Attraction is the stage where you want to spend more time getting to know someone better.
When both persons are attracted to each other, they would start to spend large amounts of time together. They would start to do special things for each other. i think this is the point when the falling in love starts. The more one feels special, the more in love they will be.
Okay. There should be more development but I got sidetracked and distracted and lost my train of thoughts. Laterzz. Duh...
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Attraction is the stage where you want to spend more time getting to know someone better.
When both persons are attracted to each other, they would start to spend large amounts of time together. They would start to do special things for each other. i think this is the point when the falling in love starts. The more one feels special, the more in love they will be.
Okay. There should be more development but I got sidetracked and distracted and lost my train of thoughts. Laterzz. Duh...
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a random thought
Someone quoted:
" If a girl really wants you, nothing can keep her away... if she doesn't want you, nothing can make her stay."
Ordinarily, I wouldn't even take notice of quotes like that, but I guess today was an extraordinary day. :)
The above is really easy to understand yet difficult to piece together. What if 2 persons are placed in this exact position? Person B really wants Person C but person C doesn't want Person B.
lol. Random I know. I don't really understand the point of this post as well. hehe.
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" If a girl really wants you, nothing can keep her away... if she doesn't want you, nothing can make her stay."
Ordinarily, I wouldn't even take notice of quotes like that, but I guess today was an extraordinary day. :)
The above is really easy to understand yet difficult to piece together. What if 2 persons are placed in this exact position? Person B really wants Person C but person C doesn't want Person B.
lol. Random I know. I don't really understand the point of this post as well. hehe.
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thanksgiving
Someone I am writing to on fridae actually led to this thanksgiving. She made me realised that NO. 10 of my randoms I wrote about 3 years ago is fulfilled! ;0
2009-02-10 12:52
25 Randoms
1) I travelled around Tasmania on my own for 9 days when I was 20.
2) I have been using the same fragrance since I was 18.
3) I used to skip tutorials in JC to go for physiotherapy @ the National Stadium to see the local footballers, and that Irish physiotherapist.
4) I had a crush on that Irish physiotherapist and even wrote her a letter before she left for Ireland. She was married.
5) My parents named me Priscilla and I just had trouble spelling that. I don\'t use that at all becuase it\'s not in my birth certificate and I don\'t like the name.
6) My skin is very prone to breakouts.
7) I am a short term project kind of person.
8) I don\'t believe in paying for a pedigree. I would pay for a mongrel anytime.
9) Aside from heavy metal, I am open to listening to any other kinds of music.
10) I will learn how to play the bass guitar in my lifetime, God willing.
11) There is very little space in my room that people have to walk in a single file when they come in.
12) I have been to every state capital in Australia, including Tassie and NZ.
13) I backpacked 9 countries *UK and Western Europe* in 26 days when I was 20, and spent only $2500 inclusive of airfare.
14) I have 1 secret blog, dedicated to just one person but not read by that person. 15) My bedroom is custom made. I chose the colours of my room, Orange and Blue.
16) My first dog is called Bruno and he was put to sleep because he had mouth cancer.
17) Someone just asked me out for V-day.
18) I am an idealist when it comes to lifelong relationships.
19) I am not a flower and stuff toy kind of person but I love receiving these from the person I love.
20) I have a lump on my lower lip which can only be felt by touching or biting. ;) 21) My secondary friends used to call me Bao Gong.
22) I can laugh and be entertained by Mr Bean\'s kind of humour.
23) the 2 years in Australia were the best years of my life so far.
24) I am open to falling in love at this moment in time.
25) I will never be tired of spending everyday of my life with the person I love.
.
2009-02-10 12:52
25 Randoms
1) I travelled around Tasmania on my own for 9 days when I was 20.
2) I have been using the same fragrance since I was 18.
3) I used to skip tutorials in JC to go for physiotherapy @ the National Stadium to see the local footballers, and that Irish physiotherapist.
4) I had a crush on that Irish physiotherapist and even wrote her a letter before she left for Ireland. She was married.
5) My parents named me Priscilla and I just had trouble spelling that. I don\'t use that at all becuase it\'s not in my birth certificate and I don\'t like the name.
6) My skin is very prone to breakouts.
7) I am a short term project kind of person.
8) I don\'t believe in paying for a pedigree. I would pay for a mongrel anytime.
9) Aside from heavy metal, I am open to listening to any other kinds of music.
10) I will learn how to play the bass guitar in my lifetime, God willing.
11) There is very little space in my room that people have to walk in a single file when they come in.
12) I have been to every state capital in Australia, including Tassie and NZ.
13) I backpacked 9 countries *UK and Western Europe* in 26 days when I was 20, and spent only $2500 inclusive of airfare.
14) I have 1 secret blog, dedicated to just one person but not read by that person. 15) My bedroom is custom made. I chose the colours of my room, Orange and Blue.
16) My first dog is called Bruno and he was put to sleep because he had mouth cancer.
17) Someone just asked me out for V-day.
18) I am an idealist when it comes to lifelong relationships.
19) I am not a flower and stuff toy kind of person but I love receiving these from the person I love.
20) I have a lump on my lower lip which can only be felt by touching or biting. ;) 21) My secondary friends used to call me Bao Gong.
22) I can laugh and be entertained by Mr Bean\'s kind of humour.
23) the 2 years in Australia were the best years of my life so far.
24) I am open to falling in love at this moment in time.
25) I will never be tired of spending everyday of my life with the person I love.
.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
this morning
I thought about the sick, the down-trodden, the unlovable, the despondent. How easily are they forgotten.
So many times, we want to do big things; to change the world, to make a difference. We want to go for mission trips, we want to serve God in our own ways. But God's heart is for the sick, his heart is for the down-trodden, the unlovable, the people who really needs Him. It's so easy to love those who do not tread on our toes, who are not rude and abrasive, who are not difficult and hurtful with their words..
How easy it is for us to go with the popular, the well, the fun, the well-adjusted, the good-looking. but WWJD.. who will He spend time with.. who will He eat with.. who will He hang out with..
I am reminded to avail myself again, starting from the inside out, starting with the people whom I know personally. Praying for more strength, patience and love.
.
So many times, we want to do big things; to change the world, to make a difference. We want to go for mission trips, we want to serve God in our own ways. But God's heart is for the sick, his heart is for the down-trodden, the unlovable, the people who really needs Him. It's so easy to love those who do not tread on our toes, who are not rude and abrasive, who are not difficult and hurtful with their words..
How easy it is for us to go with the popular, the well, the fun, the well-adjusted, the good-looking. but WWJD.. who will He spend time with.. who will He eat with.. who will He hang out with..
I am reminded to avail myself again, starting from the inside out, starting with the people whom I know personally. Praying for more strength, patience and love.
.
and so again...
I am suffering from Insomnia. Gone is the plan to wake up early to get a workout before church. Logged onto Fridae and had someone complimented me on what I had written on the blog eons ago. I decided to copy and paste over here since it's relevant to what I had just written in the previous entry.
written in 2007. I pray to God that He has made me wiser since then!!
Why most r.s do not end on a good note..
2007-09-08 02:14
Why do most relationships not end on good terms? I think the reason is that some people are not mature enough to end relationships that are dysfunctional. They either do not want to be alone, or they need a pull factor i.e another person to come along, in order for them to end a dysfunctional relationship. It is difficult because not many people prefer to be alone.
Another reason is that the couple gets too attached to each other to break off their relationship. Even though they know they are better off not being with each other, they are not able to take that step to be apart. So day after day, week after week and month after month, they continue to be together in the dysfunctional relationship which tears each other down more than it builds them up. They become more worn out, their baggages become bigger, they develop fears and insecurities, bad habits and irrationality in the way they think. Over time, their feelings for each other fade away gradually as they began to draw apart. They stop talking because talking will only lead to arguments and arguments are draining and tiring. They rather stay away from each other and talk to others to maintain their sanity. Finally, one day, one party or the other ends up having no more feelings for the other and that party finally finds the appeal of leaving the relationship which has led her too distressed and broken. Much time is needed for healing before she grows to love again. More often than not, another person quickly comes into her life and if she is blessed, the relationship turns out well, if not, troubles and problems in the new relationship cause her baggages to surface and the burdens from before are brought forward to this next relationship. Therefore, these relationships that end cannot have the couple become friends for some time.
The more dysfunctional the relationship, the greater time it takes to heal.
.
written in 2007. I pray to God that He has made me wiser since then!!
Why most r.s do not end on a good note..
2007-09-08 02:14
Why do most relationships not end on good terms? I think the reason is that some people are not mature enough to end relationships that are dysfunctional. They either do not want to be alone, or they need a pull factor i.e another person to come along, in order for them to end a dysfunctional relationship. It is difficult because not many people prefer to be alone.
Another reason is that the couple gets too attached to each other to break off their relationship. Even though they know they are better off not being with each other, they are not able to take that step to be apart. So day after day, week after week and month after month, they continue to be together in the dysfunctional relationship which tears each other down more than it builds them up. They become more worn out, their baggages become bigger, they develop fears and insecurities, bad habits and irrationality in the way they think. Over time, their feelings for each other fade away gradually as they began to draw apart. They stop talking because talking will only lead to arguments and arguments are draining and tiring. They rather stay away from each other and talk to others to maintain their sanity. Finally, one day, one party or the other ends up having no more feelings for the other and that party finally finds the appeal of leaving the relationship which has led her too distressed and broken. Much time is needed for healing before she grows to love again. More often than not, another person quickly comes into her life and if she is blessed, the relationship turns out well, if not, troubles and problems in the new relationship cause her baggages to surface and the burdens from before are brought forward to this next relationship. Therefore, these relationships that end cannot have the couple become friends for some time.
The more dysfunctional the relationship, the greater time it takes to heal.
.
and so...
just as I was writing about how almost perfect my first r/s was for all of the 5 years then I get a comment (harmless one, nevertheless disturbing) that some people (me) are maybe just not meant to be in long term relationships.
This friend of mine doesn't read my blog. She has known me since my second ex. So she saw me (and my 2 exes) through the process of breaking and healing. I was dating my 2nd for about 16 months and my 3rd for about 22 months. Well.. correct observation that the length of the relatinoships were short but wrong conclusion that I am not meant for long term relationships, I guess. I didn't bother to correct her because I was a tad too irritated.
from what I could see, for both relationships, I could see one month into the relationship that perhaps we weren't too compatible. But I chose to continue to try because of several reasons, i.e, I wanted to be a good role model, I wanted to be a good christian and not treat relationships frivously, I wanted to be "responsible" since there was already some form of intimacy, I wanted not to give up but make things work, I wanted not my judgement to be led by emotions but rather by my mind, they said one month/6 months/12 months was too early to tell if we can make things work,.. in other words, I was working hard to make the relationships work, which ain't too easy I guess because I ended up feeling bitter at times, I ended up being mean with my words when I get upset and emotional, I ended up being tired giving and giving despite running low on my emotional bank. So it happened one day that I decided that was it. That was enough and nothing we could do would make things better. If only I had made a decision in the first month, I thought! Then there wont be as much pain and tears1 But of course, God made every experience count, and boy! Did I learn and grow in the course of the relationship and after.
I am not saying that my exes were horrible people. They have qualities that I respect very much, they have something special about them that made me decide I want to give this a shot and work at it.. but perhaps some people are better meant to be friends than lovers.
I feel misunderstood I guess. I am suited for lifelong relationships. I want to be in a lifelong relationship and I desire to live the rest of my life with someone i love and who loves me back. but I have learnt, really, relationships shouldn't be too difficult, at least at the beginning, I have learnt that some decisions will have to be made based on how the heart feels. I have learnt to take note of red flags (including the advice of close friends who are wiser and more experienced) and go with the flow.
I have learnt and learnt very well. Time to zzzz.
.
This friend of mine doesn't read my blog. She has known me since my second ex. So she saw me (and my 2 exes) through the process of breaking and healing. I was dating my 2nd for about 16 months and my 3rd for about 22 months. Well.. correct observation that the length of the relatinoships were short but wrong conclusion that I am not meant for long term relationships, I guess. I didn't bother to correct her because I was a tad too irritated.
from what I could see, for both relationships, I could see one month into the relationship that perhaps we weren't too compatible. But I chose to continue to try because of several reasons, i.e, I wanted to be a good role model, I wanted to be a good christian and not treat relationships frivously, I wanted to be "responsible" since there was already some form of intimacy, I wanted not to give up but make things work, I wanted not my judgement to be led by emotions but rather by my mind, they said one month/6 months/12 months was too early to tell if we can make things work,.. in other words, I was working hard to make the relationships work, which ain't too easy I guess because I ended up feeling bitter at times, I ended up being mean with my words when I get upset and emotional, I ended up being tired giving and giving despite running low on my emotional bank. So it happened one day that I decided that was it. That was enough and nothing we could do would make things better. If only I had made a decision in the first month, I thought! Then there wont be as much pain and tears1 But of course, God made every experience count, and boy! Did I learn and grow in the course of the relationship and after.
I am not saying that my exes were horrible people. They have qualities that I respect very much, they have something special about them that made me decide I want to give this a shot and work at it.. but perhaps some people are better meant to be friends than lovers.
I feel misunderstood I guess. I am suited for lifelong relationships. I want to be in a lifelong relationship and I desire to live the rest of my life with someone i love and who loves me back. but I have learnt, really, relationships shouldn't be too difficult, at least at the beginning, I have learnt that some decisions will have to be made based on how the heart feels. I have learnt to take note of red flags (including the advice of close friends who are wiser and more experienced) and go with the flow.
I have learnt and learnt very well. Time to zzzz.
.
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