and so...

just as I was writing about how almost perfect my first r/s was for all of the 5 years then I get a comment (harmless one, nevertheless disturbing) that some people (me) are maybe just not meant to be in long term relationships.

This friend of mine doesn't read my blog. She has known me since my second ex. So she saw me (and my 2 exes) through the process of breaking and healing. I was dating my 2nd for about 16 months and my 3rd for about 22 months. Well.. correct observation that the length of the relatinoships were short but wrong conclusion that I am not meant for long term relationships, I guess. I didn't bother to correct her because I was a tad too irritated.

from what I could see, for both relationships, I could see one month into the relationship that perhaps we weren't too compatible. But I chose to continue to try because of several reasons, i.e, I wanted to be a good role model, I wanted to be a good christian and not treat relationships frivously, I wanted to be "responsible" since there was already some form of intimacy, I wanted not to give up but make things work, I wanted not my judgement to be led by emotions but rather by my mind, they said one month/6 months/12 months was too early to tell if we can make things work,.. in other words, I was working hard to make the relationships work, which ain't too easy I guess because I ended up feeling bitter at times, I ended up being mean with my words when I get upset and emotional, I ended up being tired giving and giving despite running low on my emotional bank. So it happened one day that I decided that was it. That was enough and nothing we could do would make things better. If only I had made a decision in the first month, I thought! Then there wont be as much pain and tears1 But of course, God made every experience count, and boy! Did I learn and grow in the course of the relationship and after.

I am not saying that my exes were horrible people. They have qualities that I respect very much, they have something special about them that made me decide I want to give this a shot and work at it.. but perhaps some people are better meant to be friends than lovers.

I feel misunderstood I guess. I am suited for lifelong relationships. I want to be in a lifelong relationship and I desire to live the rest of my life with someone i love and who loves me back. but I have learnt, really, relationships shouldn't be too difficult, at least at the beginning, I have learnt that some decisions will have to be made based on how the heart feels. I have learnt to take note of red flags (including the advice of close friends who are wiser and more experienced) and go with the flow.

I have learnt and learnt very well. Time to zzzz.
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