one more.

dinner @ Crystal Jade last night was good. Was with the SH and a few badminton gals. We had dinner and then watched Hurt Locker together. By the time I reached home, it was midnight. Thank God I could wake up at 8 this morning or I would be really grouchy.

I managed to squeeze in some time for shopping. So that was good. Got some food from marks and spencer and 2 magazines from Borders, one for the SH and one for myself.

Now to find the time to read.. looking forward to this weekend..
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More..

I started on Romans two days ago! Yay! I have been craving to read the bible since a week ago. It was great to get started! I was pretty certain I was suffering withdrawal symptoms from not reading the bible daily. My daily source of foodddddddd..

this week has been pretty eventful. I found myself more focused though and I do think taking time to pray helps focus what is important and necessary. Found myself taking some active steps to do what I was meant to. I reckon it's after the weekly swim and pray session. I am starting to pray more as well.. I am starting to pray in tongues too when I am listening to worship music while I am driving. Those moments of intimacy with the Lord felt good.

My DG met up for dinner @ M hotel on Saturday. One of the gals had a free hotel room voucher and we ended up dapao-ing to eat in the room. When we were sitting around the bed sharing, I thought I felt safe to come out to the other 3. My DGL and the other girl already knew about me.. Why do I feel like coming out to them? Well, one is that I feel that I am not able to be honest with them totally about my life and it makes me feel miserable. I am not able to share about how I am serving @ FCC and how I have grown in my walk with God through the past two years, much more than I did for the rest of my life as a christian. I cannot share about PDA opportunities I have. Secondly, I felt the other 3 would be open enough to at least not try to counsel me on the sin of being gay/homosexual acts etc..Time did not permit for me to share because I had to rush off for L's party.

K booked the suite for the party at Ascott @ Raffles Place. The parking was $15 because there was no parking @ Ascott and parking next door @ Hong Leong Finance cost $12 after 11p.m.! The SH and I arrived @ about 945p.m. Wouldn't be nice to leave by 11..

I will prolly send the 3 an email as soon as I am able to ..

I have to stop writing because I have to start marking.. Such is the life of a teacherrrrrrr...
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blabber blabber

Teaching P6s is no joke! I have so much more to mark compared to last year! I can't imagine how boring I would be if I were to teach full load. All work and no play makes Shen a dull girl! Okay.. maybe I am already boring now... bleah.. Sometimes I feel so.. Don't want to say silly things. Don't want to say the wrong things. Don't want to say hurtful things. Want to try to speak in proper English. So many constraints..

yay.. tennis with the SH later.. I hope I don't strain my arm muscle again.

I downloaded itunes on my reformatted white Dell. Am importing all my songs into my 6-year old Ipod. Am thinking of getting the iphone because it is the itouch and mobile phone in 1. I am able to recontract on 10th April. Maybe I will. :)
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About Lilia and home stuff

My domestic helper came home with a big bump on her thigh. It looked like a gigantic pimple. Turned out she had to surgically remove the pus. Yeeks. She was on MC for 3 days and I was the new maid, ensuring there was enough food for lunch because she couldn't cook. There were a few times when I even brought food and drinks to her. I also had to bring her to the clinic. She is due to change her bandage for the second time tomorrow.

So I have been pretty domesticated this year, ferrying my mum and sis from time to time, spending more time doing homely stuff. I think it's good though I feel sometimes that I am wasting my time when I can use the time to do other things which makes me feel like I am learning something. Importance is relative, I guess.
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About Cookie

There are so many things I want to write about but did not find the luxury of time to sit down to ramble. The past 2 weeks have been pretty eventful.

Cookie has been on my mind quite often of late. I have been spending time sitting by her, just watching her. My family members do that too. I was just preparing my brother for the time when we will have to watch Cookie die. She's already 13 this year. According to research, mongrels have an average life span of 13.3 years. She's still eating, drink and shitting well though. It was that day when she hid under my mum's bed one day and didn't respond when all of us called her name when we became more concerned. Because research also showed that when dogs are dying, they tend to hide/run away.

There are times when I will just tear thinking about the time when she dies/when we put her to sleep. My brother looked like he wanted to cry too when I was speaking to him regarding Cookie's future. My sister has been wanting to take more photos of Cookie. My mum has been checking Cookie periodically for abnormality like lumps and bumps.

As it can be seen, I have been spending a bit of time reading up about dogs; the common ailments of aging dogs; columbarium, cemetry and crematorium for pets. They operate 24 hours. I wrote the number of Mount Pleasant Pet Hospital and James Tan, the mobile vet, on the fridge just in case I am not at home when anything happens to Cookie.

I am so not looking forward to the time when we have to deal with the death of Cookie. Big sigh! One of my CG members selling a magic juice called Xango known to have shrink tumours in humans. haha.. I might give some of that to Cookie. :)

Enough of Cookie. Next...
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Guitar Journal Lesson 4

I learnt how to pluck the different variations of the D and Em Chords. Woah! The learning curve is really exponential. Got to practise to remember. Having some music background helps me understand what he teaches. Else I will be clueless and frustrated. I think my guitar coach will be frustrated too. But he's been great so far. Very patient.

I learnt how to vary the chords based on the melody line.

I learnt to play G and A differently.

I learnt if there is only one guitar available in a band, it's better to use the acoustic for a fuller sound unless a specific sound from the electric guitar is needed.

I learnt to memorise the chords and lyrics to facilitate worshipping even while I am playing.

Great teachers don't just teach. They inspire. It's the aha! experience that causes their hearers to get their butts moving to do something!
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so glad lilia is back!

Lilia is finally back! Now I can change my bath towel more often and I don't have to pack up my room before I leave the house so I won't be late for appointments. I won't have to think about what food cookie is having for dinner and whether my brother has food to eat when he comes home from school.

Not having Lilia around actually brings the family closer. That is good too. :)

Got to continue to practise furiously. I am actually glad that I finished 2 stacks of marking before meeting with my buddy for lunch. It's gonna be an alternate Thursday thing. Tanglin Mall is gonna be my most frequented shopping mall for the next month or so. :)
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Wisdom for the night

" Knowledge of God and knowledge of self feed each other. Knowing God will shed more light that helps us know who we truly are- both our sinful bent and our belovedness. Knowing self in that light will draw us deeper into God" - John Calvin.

I agree with that totally. I have become a lot more self-aware from drawing on the wisdom from God through knowing Him.. I understand why I react in certain ways and at times am able to rectify certain behaviour. I understand human behaviour a lot better too. I understand more things and some of this understanding has almost become instinctive. And it helps me to relate to people more effectively.

I like.
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ah choo!

a while back, a friend gave me a bottle of davidoff (cool water) for Christmas. My ex used to use that same fragrance. I can recognise the fragrance easily. I don't really wish to smell that, much less smell like that. I gave the bottle to my domestic helper. While sending her to the airport last week, I could tell that she was using the fragrance the minute she stepped into the car! Yeeky......

so important fragrance is to me because of my ultra sensitive nose. The SH uses a very nice-smelling fragrance. Mmm.. and I have not met anyone who uses that same fragrance. So that's good.
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I am back!

my bro is gonna make the perfect husband next time. He has a good role model in my dad. He works to bring in the dough. He goes grocery shopping every weekend. My mum gets to sleep in even though my domestic helper is away for a week to attend her daughter's graduation ceremony so we have to settle our own brekkie.

haha..
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quick and random updates

booking ferry tickets. Yay! :)

SO many friends means so many meetings. Need to know which groups to meet and how often.

Watched Up in the Air with the SH and another friend. SH and I need more quality time alone. Too many group gatherings (no fault of hers). We attend CG and church together. Limiting group gatherings to once more per week. I like movies like Up in the Air more so than A Serious Man. I like funny movies too! Looking forward to watching Green Zone because I have this thing for Matt Damon and his Bourne Series. Also looking to watch Hurt Locker just cuz it won the Oscar for Best Picture and Best Director.

I am thankful for PLUSH. Thankful for the gals. Thankful for the fellowship. Thankful for their hearts. Thankful for today's Psalm 145! R facilitates Psalms well because she has much experience with God, so her sharing is real, authentic, helpful and relevant.

Yesterday, I finished reading Compass Magazine during my 40 mins foot reflexology plus another half an hour of reading in the car. Brought about some questions but also gained some insights.

Today, I read a third of Men's health while gymming. Sky Fitness has an awesome view. I could see Universal Studios (and I saw the rides!!) and the 4 hotels from the treadmill. I learnt more about the game of lawn bowling watching CNA when I was cycling. I wished it was the Ellen Show though. I would be more entertained especially when Cat Deeley comes on. She's so pretty. :)

The workout is worth it.. the muscle aches are awesome. Shoik. Badminton tomorrow! Yay!

Worshipping and praising God with songs draws me closer to Him.. His presence is comforting and He gives that peace, the peace which the bible says which transcends all understanding.

I am actually developing a lot more love for my sister. That's good too.

My parents and bro are away for a week for his dance training camp at BKK. Had to register for them over MFA before they left.

Had a nice and oily cook out with a few peeps @ my place. Nice.. :) I cooked yummy mushroom soup from scratch! Can quit my day job already. Yay. haha.

My domestic helper is returning home for her daughter's graduation ceremony. She will be gone this Thursday till next Wed. I can anticipate more nagging from the parents when she's gone.

My guitar teacher helped me look around for a white electric guitar and found one. Sounds good, feels nice to play, best value for money (his feedback). In white!
http://www.gregbennettguitars.com/av1.html.:) Picking it up tomorrow with him because he can get me a discount. Can't wait. :)

No cg next week but already got dinner invitation. Hopefully @ Greenwood *crosses fingers*

Need to sleep! More soon!
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on repeat.. lovely

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsGF9xJl9ZY

Till I See You - Hillsong

The greatest love that anyone could ever know
That overcame the cross and grave to find my soul
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

With all I am I'll live to see Your kingdom come
And in my heart I pray You'd let Your will be done
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in You

I will live to love You
I will live to bring You praise
I will live a child in awe of You

You are the voice that calls the universe to be
You are the whisper in my heart that speaks to me
And 'til I see You face to face and grace amazing takes me home
I'll trust in you

You alone are God of all
You alone are worthy Lord
And with all I am my soul will bless Your name
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Guitar Journal lesson 3

Today, I learnt that strumming style mirrors the drumming pattern for the song. Cool..

I learnt also to increase intensity during interlude and decrease when there are voices singing.
Cool too..

I like it that he simplifies chord playing for me.

And of course, I learn more new chords. Awesome.

I like it that he not only teaches guitar, he also teaches me how to play together in the band and he helps me to learn to worship when playing.

Yay!
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Journal of Guitar Lesson 1 and 2

I learnt to take the cue from the drummer as to how much or how little to strum.

I learnt that playing with a band is different from playing in a CG or playing alone.

I learnt easier ways to play certain chords so my left hand doesn't have to fly all over the neck of the guitar.

I learnt that a set of $30 strings can make a cheap guitar sound fabulous, more fabulous than an expensive guitar using the usual strings.

I learnt that hard work is the foundation of being a good instrumentalist, then a worship leader.

I learnt not to hold back on my strumming when it's time to strum hard.

I learnt how to teach progressively.

I learnt how to change the strings of a folk guitar.
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blah

Before I received Jesus into my life (at the age of 21), I thought there weren't much of me to improve on in terms of my character.. there really weren't many worries, responsiblities and emotionally baggaged past to have the need to deal with people with criticism and doubt. I was pure, untainted, but mostly possibly probably oblivious to the happenings in the world.

It was so easy when emotions and the ego were not in play.. I prolly would have still thought that way even as a more mature adult now if my life wasn't governed by the holy spirit. Being in a romantic relationship surfaces defects in my character and the inadequacies that I have as a person. Being in relationship with others, serving in ministry highlighted the difficulty of living out the commandments of Jesus, loving another person as Jesus has loved me, particularly for the one or two people whom I consistently have difficulty getting along with.

Being out in the real world, where ambition and achievements are the priorities of many, I started to question Jesus' lesson about turning the other cheek to the "enemy", Sometimes, I am still unsure if not speaking up/ taking action against the "enemy" would mean being a doormat, a stupid silly doormat. It is all a fine line to draw.. However, God had shown His faithfulness well in this area, and I can say for sure that God is my help and advocate because of His track record in my life.

The question I am always prompted to ask myself is : Is it really really important? By His wisdom, I have learnt the art of majoring on the major and not fret over the small matters. Moreover, love covers over a multitude of sin. I saw how not reacting negatively to certain situations had reaped greater benefits.

It's difficult however, when this involves the emotions of the heart. The lessons could be truly totally humbling at times, the greatest lessons I need to learn involves dying to my own wants and my own perceived rights. I guess I am praying that maturity will take on this new stage of life and meet these obstacles with a new perspective, with lots of His protection, his guidance and wisdom, the fruit of patience with a dose of His grace.. and mostly, a spirit of forgiveness and acceptance.

Through all these, I learn also that no one's love is unconditional and once again, that makes me appreciate Jesus so much, of how He gave Himself sacrificially for us. I start to also learn that no one can fill my deepest need and desire aside from God, and that He is the most consistent, steady, faithful and trustworthy companion in every season of my life.

Living life with this truth frees me to be who I am , helps me to continually pick myself up when I fall, continually improve on my character. It is like what Pastor Ed always said, living a life with nothing to hide, nothing to prove, nothing to lose.
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A song of promise and hope

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cC3LnXsDkas

VERSE 1:
On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace
All my fears swept away
In the light of Your embrace
Where Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

PRE CHORUS 1:
Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

CHORUS:
No weeping no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now
You hold me now

VERSE 2:
In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails
Where Your Name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

PRE CHORUS 2:
Where the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven
Rise to You alone

BRIDGE:
For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your Name
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