Before I received Jesus into my life (at the age of 21), I thought there weren't much of me to improve on in terms of my character.. there really weren't many worries, responsiblities and emotionally baggaged past to have the need to deal with people with criticism and doubt. I was pure, untainted, but mostly possibly probably oblivious to the happenings in the world.
It was so easy when emotions and the ego were not in play.. I prolly would have still thought that way even as a more mature adult now if my life wasn't governed by the holy spirit. Being in a romantic relationship surfaces defects in my character and the inadequacies that I have as a person. Being in relationship with others, serving in ministry highlighted the difficulty of living out the commandments of Jesus, loving another person as Jesus has loved me, particularly for the one or two people whom I consistently have difficulty getting along with.
Being out in the real world, where ambition and achievements are the priorities of many, I started to question Jesus' lesson about turning the other cheek to the "enemy", Sometimes, I am still unsure if not speaking up/ taking action against the "enemy" would mean being a doormat, a stupid silly doormat. It is all a fine line to draw.. However, God had shown His faithfulness well in this area, and I can say for sure that God is my help and advocate because of His track record in my life.
The question I am always prompted to ask myself is : Is it really really important? By His wisdom, I have learnt the art of majoring on the major and not fret over the small matters. Moreover, love covers over a multitude of sin. I saw how not reacting negatively to certain situations had reaped greater benefits.
It's difficult however, when this involves the emotions of the heart. The lessons could be truly totally humbling at times, the greatest lessons I need to learn involves dying to my own wants and my own perceived rights. I guess I am praying that maturity will take on this new stage of life and meet these obstacles with a new perspective, with lots of His protection, his guidance and wisdom, the fruit of patience with a dose of His grace.. and mostly, a spirit of forgiveness and acceptance.
Through all these, I learn also that no one's love is unconditional and once again, that makes me appreciate Jesus so much, of how He gave Himself sacrificially for us. I start to also learn that no one can fill my deepest need and desire aside from God, and that He is the most consistent, steady, faithful and trustworthy companion in every season of my life.
Living life with this truth frees me to be who I am , helps me to continually pick myself up when I fall, continually improve on my character. It is like what Pastor Ed always said, living a life with nothing to hide, nothing to prove, nothing to lose.
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