I can't seem to find my brains

Consumed by the assignment 40%!! and the exam.. another 40%!!! Encouraged to make this a priority though: "He must increase but I must decrease" John 3:30. Cant wait for Monday to be over. Till then, it's back to deconstructing this journal article for Monday's test and an hourful walk and possible some gym work. Studying and marking make me snack more.
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I get pissed when...

People write into the forum and remind readers how important it is to teach good manners AT SCHOOL. I am not saying it is not our responsibility to do so nor am I saying we have better things to teach. Character development is a big thing, at least at my school. I wonder if the writer has her own kids. Good manners start at home. Most of the time, children spend more time at home than at any other place. Parents should be role models in the way they speak and behave. That's the best form of education for their children. Grrr..

I get pissed more easily when I am PMSsing too. :)
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A reminder

Dr Jane Goodall, a pioneering British primatologist has a mantra: "begin with knowledge and understanding. Move on to hard work and persistence, then love and compassion that leads to respect for all life." well said but I will say love and compassion to interweave in between everything that we do. I salute a compassionate heart more than intellect.
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a few interesting conversations

I had a few interesting conversations with different ones in the past few days. But my mind is a little preoccupied with study materials and reflections that camce in the course of the first day of work.

I remembered feeling a bit annoyed with a few students because I felt that they were very slow at following instructions. Then I thought how important it is to have compassion, especially when I am teaching a class of a lower ability. An extraordinary amount of compassion because yes, they may be lazy, yes, they may be stubborn, yes, they may not make the effort to do what is right, but they are kids afterall and they are kids whose parents do not spend enough time with them. They are kids who do not have the privilege of experiencing more than they could. I need to bear all these in mind and extend a supernatural amount of grace and mercy to them so I am able to give my best to them in every way. I really must commit the day to the Lord every single morning.

Met the trainee teacher who's going to start taking 3/4 of my English periods for a month starting next week. She's so small sized and soft. I can't help but question her ability to manage my class. We will see how it goes. Poor girl.

Gotto get back to studying. Oh. I am grounded this week. Deliberately ground myself so I can study. Test on Monday. Ganbatte!
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My first bus ride in eons

And so I must blog just because I can't when I am driving.
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It was not a misunderstanding

Common friends (so far I only know 2) tell me it's just a misunderstanding, that we should sit down to talk. And so I did. After several attempts to get us to meet. I can only guess her reluctance to meet alone but basing my guess on what had happened in the previous 2 episodes (that I am not involved with, thankfully) and her vague responses to what I had to clarify, I was left unsatisfied with what I wanted to find out. She asked to move on. She asked that I do not seek further clarification with the other person. After much consideration, I decided to live with what I know. Why? Maybe because I do not want to be more disgusted than I already am. Maybe it's also because i feel heartless and evil grilling for that piece of information just because I want to prove that I am right. Time to let go and move on. Praying for the grace not to let bitterness grow in my heart.
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Lost but found: Part 3

I was disturbed by something during service. When the mind is occupied with thoughts that take up a large brain space, there is no space to be thoughtful and reflective. I enjoy going to church because I am reminded in different ways to keep focused on God. Then I learn to discern how I should think, what I should say and what I should do. If everyday was Sunday. Everyday can be a Sunday. Just keep the daily walk with God lor.
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Lost but found: Part 2

Sulin was reading an excerpt from Joan Chittser. She writes with authority what she thinks. Maybe that's one quality of how spiritual writers write, with authority. Hmmm..
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From the iphone. Lost but found now. Part 1

Strange that before Sulin preached about the difficulty living as a christian, I was thinking about this friend that I have a strange friendship with. I thought about her because after her breakup, she has been coming to church from time to time. We have a strange friendship because she only text/message me whenever she needs help. Other than that, I rarely hear from her. Whenever I see her face to face (church/gatherings), I will say hi and try to strike up a conversation but it never goes far. When I saw her at church last Sunday, I didn't even feel like going up to say hi. But it was a good reminder about how I should behave as a christian. ANywayz, I forgot to say hi but at least I wanted to. THe intent is so important.

rambling. Duh.

I am still hungry but not sleepy. Cursed are those who are hungry but not sleepy. they shall eat and then put on weight.
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Shen can keep talking..

because she has many things to say. Random things but still things. But Shen feels bad troubling people with her quirky thoughts. That's why a blog is needed. People see Shen as someone who offers a listening ear. Well, she's happy listening and availing herself most of the time.. but there are times when she needs to share. Blessed are those who bothers to take the time to listen to Shen talk, because when they do, Shen feels connected with them. LOL. Joking about the blessed part.
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I am hungry

but it's 0125 and it's not time to eat. Why am I still awake? Maybe I am excited about starting on my assignment tomorrow. So kiasu but better get at least the outline done before I go on a holiday.

Oh. I drank Coke just now. That's why I am awake I think. I feel like eating carrot cake. Oh! The juices in my stomach were doing somersaults just now. I even asked a friend to listen to my stomach. It is at times like these I wish I was more flexible so I can listen to what goes on in my stomach. Well. I think I will get a stethescope tomorrow.

ENO is amazing.. I love ENO. ENO keeps my puke in.
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My ex-student(s)

So... though my facebook account is not searchable on google/fb, students managed to add me because my colleagues added them and I comment on my colleagues' facebook. Why Would I add them? To read their status update lor. If not, I wouldn't be able to blog another entry tonight.

They can't see my wall though. Like, why would you allow an ex-student to see your wall, espcially if they are just in Secondary school and my FB might have inappropriate content at times. I marvel at how my colleagues would add students. I think they are prolly not on FB much anyway. Either that, they don't have much of a life, something very true of teachers. I am blessed.

So.. my 13 year old ex-student wrote this: my life's too awesome to waste your time thinking about someone who doesn't treat you right.

I shouldn't agree with this statement but I do actually.. We are worth more than that. We are God's children and ought to be treated as such. The only time when we suffer should be the time when we are doing God's work. But he's right. Don't waste your time thinking about someone who doesn't treat you right. You are far more precious than that.
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Actually,

Shen has many things to write about throughout the week. Sometimes, Shen is driving so she can't write. By the time she stops, she has forgotten what she wants to write. Sometimes she writes it on her iphone but forgets to transfer them to the blog, so times like these, all the entries come in together.

Shen has many many thoughts. Shen even gets entertained at her own thoughts. If you ever catch her smiling when she's alone, it's not because she's thinking about someone special (but do ask), it's because she's prolly being tickled by her own thoughts.
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Shen...

is going to be carless from this Wednesday. I am kinda relieved because

1) I don't have to pay half the monthly installment anymore
2) I don't have to drive when I am tired
3) I don't have to worry about causing an accident
4) I don't have to worry about the car breaking down
5) I don't have to pay for car servicing, car tyres etc anymore
6) I can use my time on public transport to read
7) I think I am saving some monies

But I know I will be greatly inconvenienced. Shall find coping mechanisms along the way. ;)
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It's kinda sad..

But I think I will be hesitant and embarrassed to tell people that I am from FCC. Grrrrrrrr..
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This week

It's supposed to be the holidays but it was a long long week for me. Full day lessons 3 times this week. 2 evenings of badminton and loads of time spent on settling unnecessary stuff. Pretty pissed with that and learning to deal with that in a godly way is no easy. Sigh. Think I failed again. Sigh. Horrible feeling. Headache, crampy and tired from not sleeping well last night.

Thankful for friends who understand. Thanks thanks and thanks again.
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When is life worth living?

People tend not to feel lost in singspore because they work hard to earn money which they spend on entertainment to keep their lives seemingly full. Live life to the fullest or carpe diem; something that has been said so very often.

Over here in Jakarta, I see teenagers sitting by the street watching traffic go by, I see people working really hard to make ends meet, I see people working very hard but not getting any money to make ends meet. I see many teenagers gathering at the square one day. It is no wonder if they are resigned to feel they are brought into this world to try to find means to survive. It's really quite sad isn't it?

For these Indonesians, life becomes less meaningful and those who find life meaningful find them in things like love and family. I figured that some of them would also be more dependant on God having been forced to humility.

It's easy to find God when one had nothing but it's more  difficult to find Him when one possesses more things. I guess tyr lesson is that God always gives us what is best for us. Thsts why the bible says that contentment is great gain. Lord, teach me to be content with what you have provided for me. Amen.
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The 2 random posts were from yesterday's traffic jams

Today's jams caused us to be able to watch 3 full movies; Mr Bean's holiday, Madagscsar and Chicken Little.

I nearly died. Was fidgety and restless for a bit. Then started reading 2 chapters of Mark and then the trashy magazine that a friend bought me to keep me occupied. Nice.

Got another random post from yesterday's traffic jams but shall leave it till tomorrow. I really need to sleep now though I can sleep on the bus tomorrow. :)

Night world.
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Random thought 2

I used to ask my DGL, someone I respect a great deal, about how to apply spiritual authority. I always struggle with being diplomatic yet having something that I felt needed to be said. Most of the time, given my nature, I end up convincing myself not to be judgemental and be more accepting of some of the things people do or say.

Lately, in the past year or two, I feel a sense of calm security in my identity in Christ and feel more able to speak with some level of confidence without letting my emotions take charge. Having this sense of confidence means also being able to think and feel objectively to come about decisions and sometimes I feel that it calls for some space away from my usual level of empathy, sympathy and kind- heartedness..

I pray though, this sense of confidence will not lead me to be a person with characteristics that I don't like in some people. I pray for a heart of discernment to know when to be what at the correct timing.
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From the traffic jams: Post 1

In a way, it's kinda weird leading a team of teachers who are older than me both in age and in the number of years they have been teaching. One is 52 and has been teaching for 30 years. One is 40 and has been teaching for 15 years. There's this other teacher who is 37 this year but 3 years fewer in years of service.

This kinda reminded me of yet another lesson at IDT I has gone through. In that lesson , we learn about 3 types of leadership; downward leadership which is most common , peer leadership which is leading your peers and upward leadership; leading those more senior than you. The most difficult type of leadership is of course peer and upward leadership. I am just thankful for the opportunity to work with these teachers. They are mature yet really fun to be with. I wouldn't trade them for any other staff in the school.

In any case, aside from planning the structure of the overseas trip, I am not really leading them in any way. They are adults and they know what to do.

This is random thought no. 1 from the traffic jam.
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This blog

I have always like to be welcoming to everyone as much as possible so no one feels left out. The only reason why I locked this blog was because I absentmindedly used aussiefreakshen as my handle whilst playing Word with friends (Scrabble) with my colleagues. Since I am not out to them, I figured it's not wise for me to let them chance upon my blog.

Today, I removed 2 persons from the list of readers, simply because I feel uncomfortable letting them read anything more about my life. It's an unlikely shen move but I am more at peace doing so. May God reveal to me the reason for my decision in time to come.
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Late night blogging from Jakarta

I don't know what's keeping me awake. It's either the high amount of chinese tea served at the Sudanese dinner, the sugar from the honey dipped Dunkin donut eaten for supper or the invigorating chat I had before my shower.

It has been a blessed trip so far. Apart from one or two students with minor accidents due to untied shoelaces, only one or two others sobbed a little from feeling homesick. I am thankful there is a mother of 2, a grandmother of none and a father of 5 travelling with me.

This batch of kids is lovely. As I observed the dynamics of the students and marvel at their ability to be engaged most of the trip, I am encouraged and pleased to know that they are indeed benefitting from this programme. Given the chance to head this programme all over again ( hope not though), I would change the criteria for admission. These would be the additional points to take note of:

1) Under financial assistance scheme
2) Has never taken a plane in their lives
3) Ability to follow instructions promptly
4) Knows how to tie their shoelaces.
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