I heard from juls the calories of the pearls from bubble tea is equivalent to one bowl of rice.
bubble tea is fine, i still can see my collar bone. Bubble tea makes me happy. And I will have some tomorrow.
Obligatory hi tea to attend tomorrow with the level teachers. If it weren't for the fact that I am in charge of Graduation day 2008 , I would prolly have skipped the hi tea.
Spoke about spiritual gifts today. 10 years ago, when I did the test, this is how I ranked.
1) Hospitality
2) Martydom
3) Discerning of Spirits
We learnt that there are 3 categories of spiritual gifts, Ministry Gifts, Manifestation Gifts and motivational gifts, I think how and what we think our spiritual gifts are might change from time to time, depending on life station and spiritual condition.God gives as He wills. But whether we obey a not is another matter.
Yay, I am praying with my prayer buddy on Thursday.
tired. zzzzzzzzzz.
.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
lalala. .HE is a good God, and He speaks to me. lalala
I am amazed that He can speak to me about my circumstance despite my bible reading STILL at Joshua. El Shaddai - God Almighty!
Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed. But just as every good promise of the Lord your God has come true, so the Lord will bring on you all the evil he has threatened, until he has destroyed you from this good land he has give you. If you violate the covenant of the Lord your God, which he commanded you, and go and serve other gods and bow down to them, the Lord's anger will burn against you, and you will quickly perish from the good land he has given. (Joshua 23;14-16)
I am using the Life application bible, which is much appreciated. This is how it intereprets the above passage: This chilling preduction about the consequences of intermmarriage with the Canaanite nations eventually became a reality. Numerous stories in the book of Judges show what Israel had to suffer because of failure to follow God wholeheartedly. God was supremely loving and patient with Israel, just as he is today. But we must not confuse his patience with us as approval of indifference to our sin. Beware of demanding your own way because eventually you may get it - along with all its painful consequences.
from joshua 24: 15
It's easy to slip into a quiet rebellion-g oing about life in your own way. But the time comes when you have to choose who or what will control you. THe choice is yours. WIll it be God, your own limited personality or another imperfect substitute? Once you have chosen to be controlled by God's Spirit, reaffirm your choice everyday.
In taking a definite stand for the Lord, Joshua again displayed his spiritual leadership. Regardless of what others decided , Joshua had made a commitment to God, and he was willing to set the example of living by that decision. The way we live shows others the strength of our committment to serving God.
Amen.
.
Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed. But just as every good promise of the Lord your God has come true, so the Lord will bring on you all the evil he has threatened, until he has destroyed you from this good land he has give you. If you violate the covenant of the Lord your God, which he commanded you, and go and serve other gods and bow down to them, the Lord's anger will burn against you, and you will quickly perish from the good land he has given. (Joshua 23;14-16)
I am using the Life application bible, which is much appreciated. This is how it intereprets the above passage: This chilling preduction about the consequences of intermmarriage with the Canaanite nations eventually became a reality. Numerous stories in the book of Judges show what Israel had to suffer because of failure to follow God wholeheartedly. God was supremely loving and patient with Israel, just as he is today. But we must not confuse his patience with us as approval of indifference to our sin. Beware of demanding your own way because eventually you may get it - along with all its painful consequences.
from joshua 24: 15
It's easy to slip into a quiet rebellion-g oing about life in your own way. But the time comes when you have to choose who or what will control you. THe choice is yours. WIll it be God, your own limited personality or another imperfect substitute? Once you have chosen to be controlled by God's Spirit, reaffirm your choice everyday.
In taking a definite stand for the Lord, Joshua again displayed his spiritual leadership. Regardless of what others decided , Joshua had made a commitment to God, and he was willing to set the example of living by that decision. The way we live shows others the strength of our committment to serving God.
Amen.
.
my friend said....
wah. I have been writing a lot. That's prolly cuz I have been talking very little. Sigh. I have a lot of pent up stuff in me.
anyway, that was not what my friend said. My friend said...
"do a proper grief, cry, lose weight, feel like shit, no appetite, let it all go. That's the only way to heal. You have to. Then when you feel like you have had enough of feeling like shit then can you move on."
I told her I got to work. I am teaching a P6 class, I am in charge of ACES day at the end of August and Graduation Day at the end of the year..
Sigh.
My colleague/"ex" christian/tennis coach/fellow PE trained teacher/quite a good friend asked me for the 3rd time since last week if I was okay. Today, he commented I have been looking blue. I always thought I would be okay at work. But obviously not. If not, it must be that he knows me very well (which I don't really think so) , or it's the Holy Spirit telling him something (more likely), or that I looked really bad (not so likely especially when I think my face looks brighter after recolouring my hair, but then again, I am PMSsing so... ). I also dun know la.
Time to read the bible. Poof!
.
anyway, that was not what my friend said. My friend said...
"do a proper grief, cry, lose weight, feel like shit, no appetite, let it all go. That's the only way to heal. You have to. Then when you feel like you have had enough of feeling like shit then can you move on."
I told her I got to work. I am teaching a P6 class, I am in charge of ACES day at the end of August and Graduation Day at the end of the year..
Sigh.
My colleague/"ex" christian/tennis coach/fellow PE trained teacher/quite a good friend asked me for the 3rd time since last week if I was okay. Today, he commented I have been looking blue. I always thought I would be okay at work. But obviously not. If not, it must be that he knows me very well (which I don't really think so) , or it's the Holy Spirit telling him something (more likely), or that I looked really bad (not so likely especially when I think my face looks brighter after recolouring my hair, but then again, I am PMSsing so... ). I also dun know la.
Time to read the bible. Poof!
.
thought for the evening
you know what mainstream church leaders tell you, that if you can't help being attracted to someone of the same gender, then try not to be involved physically. i.e be celibate.
When I was driving back home from tuition today, I was listening to the song We are the Reason, I suddenly felt how much I love Jesus, so much I would be obedient and be single till I meet a partner who believes in the same kind of God I believe in.
Geez, the next thought that came into my mind was, how many gay christians are there? What is the proportion of gay christians can I be attracted to? If I find someone I can be with, why am I so sure that we are compatible? So maybe, if I am so high on Jesus all the time, I prolly would not settle for anyone less, and hence, I will be single if I seek God intimately all the days of my life and am contented with Him in my life. Does it make sense?
And while we are at this trial and error at relationships, hence them not lasting for life, it's part of the plan to show us that maybe, we are better off being alone. Somebody, please prove me otherwise.
Alrighty. God is a joker sometimes. I will shake my head and laugh very loudly if He says that that is the way it is when I meet Him one day.
.
When I was driving back home from tuition today, I was listening to the song We are the Reason, I suddenly felt how much I love Jesus, so much I would be obedient and be single till I meet a partner who believes in the same kind of God I believe in.
Geez, the next thought that came into my mind was, how many gay christians are there? What is the proportion of gay christians can I be attracted to? If I find someone I can be with, why am I so sure that we are compatible? So maybe, if I am so high on Jesus all the time, I prolly would not settle for anyone less, and hence, I will be single if I seek God intimately all the days of my life and am contented with Him in my life. Does it make sense?
And while we are at this trial and error at relationships, hence them not lasting for life, it's part of the plan to show us that maybe, we are better off being alone. Somebody, please prove me otherwise.
Alrighty. God is a joker sometimes. I will shake my head and laugh very loudly if He says that that is the way it is when I meet Him one day.
.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
homesick=sick of home
I have been spending a lot of time at home.
This information is not new.
This is how I know I am spending too much time at home-
I spent so much time at home, I had time to carass my dog's nose for 5 minutes, I had so much time at home, that I had time to finish reading today's papers today and yesterday's papers yesterday. I had so much time at home, I walked to the kitchen 5 times in 1 hour to look for food, only to find nothing every time. I had so much time at home that I feel restless enough to surf through fridae profiles twice today. I had so much time at home, that I finished a stack of composition marking this weekend.I had so much time at home, that I am rewatching season 4 SATC and into disc 3 already. I am such a bum. But SATC is freaking funny. It makes me laugh. And laugh out loud.
Lord, settle my heart soon. I know you are around, and you are waiting for me to surrender my heart to you before you can do a new work to it. I just know that You are with me, just that I am so unsettled and distracted that I can't feel you as close as before.
PAstor Ed's sermon today was enlightening once again, and worship was good. A visitor gave $100 000 to the building fund last week. God is good! He approved the TOP just this week. We are starting our first service in Woodlands next week. 1 church , 2 centres, same sermons, different pastors. That is exciting. I am excited.
And I am quite freaking broke this month. I fulfilled my building fund pledge (very joyfully), invested in a stock, went retail therapy on Friday, ate rather expensive food and drank rather expensive drinks on Friday and Saturday and Sunday. Paid for parking coupons, fuel and car rental. Got my half year supply of contact lens and solution too. And nearly got a mini-notebook. But I decided to wait.
I am very very tempted to skip work one day this week. Very very tempted.
Plans to do my Masters shelved. I hope to be teaching for one more year next year, collect my connect plan payout, and rest for at least 1 year giving tuition, unless the Lord opens doors, before considering teaching in school again.
So unsettled. Sometimes, I wonder what my heavenly father is thinking as he watches me from above. I feel like he's letting me go free to do what I want for the time being, till I realise that I should have turned to him in the first place. I feel happier when I am talking about Him. I delight in Him. Yay. Something positive.
That's quite a lot of ranting for a Sunday night.
.
This information is not new.
This is how I know I am spending too much time at home-
I spent so much time at home, I had time to carass my dog's nose for 5 minutes, I had so much time at home, that I had time to finish reading today's papers today and yesterday's papers yesterday. I had so much time at home, I walked to the kitchen 5 times in 1 hour to look for food, only to find nothing every time. I had so much time at home that I feel restless enough to surf through fridae profiles twice today. I had so much time at home, that I finished a stack of composition marking this weekend.I had so much time at home, that I am rewatching season 4 SATC and into disc 3 already. I am such a bum. But SATC is freaking funny. It makes me laugh. And laugh out loud.
Lord, settle my heart soon. I know you are around, and you are waiting for me to surrender my heart to you before you can do a new work to it. I just know that You are with me, just that I am so unsettled and distracted that I can't feel you as close as before.
PAstor Ed's sermon today was enlightening once again, and worship was good. A visitor gave $100 000 to the building fund last week. God is good! He approved the TOP just this week. We are starting our first service in Woodlands next week. 1 church , 2 centres, same sermons, different pastors. That is exciting. I am excited.
And I am quite freaking broke this month. I fulfilled my building fund pledge (very joyfully), invested in a stock, went retail therapy on Friday, ate rather expensive food and drank rather expensive drinks on Friday and Saturday and Sunday. Paid for parking coupons, fuel and car rental. Got my half year supply of contact lens and solution too. And nearly got a mini-notebook. But I decided to wait.
I am very very tempted to skip work one day this week. Very very tempted.
Plans to do my Masters shelved. I hope to be teaching for one more year next year, collect my connect plan payout, and rest for at least 1 year giving tuition, unless the Lord opens doors, before considering teaching in school again.
So unsettled. Sometimes, I wonder what my heavenly father is thinking as he watches me from above. I feel like he's letting me go free to do what I want for the time being, till I realise that I should have turned to him in the first place. I feel happier when I am talking about Him. I delight in Him. Yay. Something positive.
That's quite a lot of ranting for a Sunday night.
.
COMPASSION
I finally got down to it.
Adopted a 5 year old girl from Mexico.
I had wanted to adopt this rather boyish looking girl. But I learnt that she is a boy after all. haha.
What a joke.
.
Adopted a 5 year old girl from Mexico.
I had wanted to adopt this rather boyish looking girl. But I learnt that she is a boy after all. haha.
What a joke.
.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Weekend refraction
I have been spending so much time at home, that I wondered if my family members suspected anything. No more late late nights, no more stayovers. More consistency, more presence at home. Even cookie seems happier to greet me nowadays. No questions asked though. I think every single one of them are glad to have me around, except for my dad perhaps, because everytime I am home, I dominate the laptop.
Things are starting to get back on track. While fetching mum to her destination today, I had this compulsion to ask her why she doesn't want to believe in Jesus. I thought about everything to say and everything I could say, but the moment passed, her phone rang and I dropped her off. Lord, I pray for that courage and boldness to follow your leading every single day of my life! I do not have the strength to say every single minute.
Life would be so much happier and nicer, if everyone loves. I was woken up by life's realities last night, when I was reminded that the world's outcasts, while can be tolerated, cannot be accepted by some. How then, do we reach out to these people, who needs more of love, and more of acceptance, not being able to find it elsewhere except in the house of "patronising"/loving (depending on where you come from) christians?
Father, I pray that you work in every one of our lives, and our hearts, that we will be changed people, for your glory and purpose. Remind us, that we, your children are set apart, in this world, yet not of this world. We are different, and we are called to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. Different, set apart, a people of God, a royal priesthood, yet humbled, with a servant heart. Teach us what it means to be more like Jesus everyday. Amen.
.
Things are starting to get back on track. While fetching mum to her destination today, I had this compulsion to ask her why she doesn't want to believe in Jesus. I thought about everything to say and everything I could say, but the moment passed, her phone rang and I dropped her off. Lord, I pray for that courage and boldness to follow your leading every single day of my life! I do not have the strength to say every single minute.
Life would be so much happier and nicer, if everyone loves. I was woken up by life's realities last night, when I was reminded that the world's outcasts, while can be tolerated, cannot be accepted by some. How then, do we reach out to these people, who needs more of love, and more of acceptance, not being able to find it elsewhere except in the house of "patronising"/loving (depending on where you come from) christians?
Father, I pray that you work in every one of our lives, and our hearts, that we will be changed people, for your glory and purpose. Remind us, that we, your children are set apart, in this world, yet not of this world. We are different, and we are called to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. Different, set apart, a people of God, a royal priesthood, yet humbled, with a servant heart. Teach us what it means to be more like Jesus everyday. Amen.
.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
music and more
la la la la. I had wanted to say something. But it slipped my mind after having a bit of a musical moment just now.
I was thinking how amazing God has been. He opened my eyes to learn how to play songs on the piano just knowing the chords. Left hand chords, right hand melody. That is how much I can manage for now. But I am mighty pleased, because despite of the fact that I had learnt a few years of piano many moons ago, more of coercing from my parents than interest of my own, but since discovering how simple it is to play songs, I have spent some hours on the keyboard. When I had to force myself to sit in front of the piano for 10 minutes 10 years or more ago ( I stopped my piano lessons at 16), I could now play effortlessly for an hour or 2. Woohoo. Ain't God great? I am not very sure if that means God has blessed me with the gift of serving in the worship ministry though. Because I can play only at a basic level for guitar, drums and keyboard. Seems to me something like jack of some master of none.
God has been speaking to me on quite a few occasions about service in ministry but I sense there is more to come. However, I feel that I got to mend the old before i can move on to a new, where i will be empowered by the spirit of God. Right now, I see PLUSH as one of my area of ministry. But in Covenant, my ministry seems like it's not moving. I stopped following up people already. And I try not to be around for altar call because I want to get to FCC on time. i feel a bit sad, and I feel this is not the right thing to do, to run away like that. i think i got to tell the ministry head that I am serving in another church or take a break of something.
I think I need to spend more quality time with God. I have been feeling a bit far from Him..
.
I was thinking how amazing God has been. He opened my eyes to learn how to play songs on the piano just knowing the chords. Left hand chords, right hand melody. That is how much I can manage for now. But I am mighty pleased, because despite of the fact that I had learnt a few years of piano many moons ago, more of coercing from my parents than interest of my own, but since discovering how simple it is to play songs, I have spent some hours on the keyboard. When I had to force myself to sit in front of the piano for 10 minutes 10 years or more ago ( I stopped my piano lessons at 16), I could now play effortlessly for an hour or 2. Woohoo. Ain't God great? I am not very sure if that means God has blessed me with the gift of serving in the worship ministry though. Because I can play only at a basic level for guitar, drums and keyboard. Seems to me something like jack of some master of none.
God has been speaking to me on quite a few occasions about service in ministry but I sense there is more to come. However, I feel that I got to mend the old before i can move on to a new, where i will be empowered by the spirit of God. Right now, I see PLUSH as one of my area of ministry. But in Covenant, my ministry seems like it's not moving. I stopped following up people already. And I try not to be around for altar call because I want to get to FCC on time. i feel a bit sad, and I feel this is not the right thing to do, to run away like that. i think i got to tell the ministry head that I am serving in another church or take a break of something.
I think I need to spend more quality time with God. I have been feeling a bit far from Him..
.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Sunday Post
I like how FCC flashes a video regarding worship before actual worship. I think that helps me to still my heart, and focus on Him before starting to worship. Most other churches worship leaders pray before worship. Video is great..
One thing I don't understand though. The sermons are so gay-oriented. I guess there is nothing wrong in itself, maybe most of the congregation needs to hear a message relating to that.. but isn't it just good to have Jesus-oriented messages? Turning eyes to Jesus, then everything will be clear, isn't that better? This is just a thought. Maybe they know better. Just a thought that came up after attending FCC regularly.
Covenant's message was about flying in formation. And we were continuing from 2 Cor 6:11 onwards.. and in the later part of the passage, the issue about not being yoked with unbelievers came up. Woohoo. He stays by my side, all the time, at times when I feel Him, and at times when I don't.
Ain't that great! My personal bodyguard. For my heart.
.
One thing I don't understand though. The sermons are so gay-oriented. I guess there is nothing wrong in itself, maybe most of the congregation needs to hear a message relating to that.. but isn't it just good to have Jesus-oriented messages? Turning eyes to Jesus, then everything will be clear, isn't that better? This is just a thought. Maybe they know better. Just a thought that came up after attending FCC regularly.
Covenant's message was about flying in formation. And we were continuing from 2 Cor 6:11 onwards.. and in the later part of the passage, the issue about not being yoked with unbelievers came up. Woohoo. He stays by my side, all the time, at times when I feel Him, and at times when I don't.
Ain't that great! My personal bodyguard. For my heart.
.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
On Follow Up & Pastoral Care for PLUs
You know in other churches, where there are mostly heterosexuals, we have heard counsel that people should not follow up new believers of the opposite gender. And you know, all things to be careful about, pastoral care to be done by people of the same gender, not going out alone with someone of the opposite gender, especially if they are attached or married. All these follow the thought that they might be attracted to each other, and so they are doing something to prevent that from happening.
How come we follow up or do pastoral care for people we could potentially be attracted to?? hmm.. I guess there is no other way, unless gay men follow up gay women? and gay women follow up gay men?
.
How come we follow up or do pastoral care for people we could potentially be attracted to?? hmm.. I guess there is no other way, unless gay men follow up gay women? and gay women follow up gay men?
.
Mid-Week Post
The Lord showed that His presence is ever present. And when I seek Him, He will reveal Himself.
After a really tough few days, I was very glad to hear from Him during QT.
I am currently on the book of Joshua for QT. On Friday, Joshua Chpt 1 repeats this sentence thrice, "Be strong and courageous!"
On Monday night, I decided to pick up my Smith Wigglesworth, and the entries on 11th July, 12th July, and 13th July all centered around 2 Cor 1:4-6
"who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer."
July 11th's reading: The Holy Spirit- Our Comforter
July 12th's reading:Yielding to God's Plan
July 13th's reading: Consolation out of Affliction
It didn't make me feel better inside truthfully, even after I read the 3 entries. But I am very comforted to know that He cares enough to provide these for me, and that He is ever present even in my darkest moments. That's how faith grows, by experiencing Him.
I am awed by His love for me.
.
After a really tough few days, I was very glad to hear from Him during QT.
I am currently on the book of Joshua for QT. On Friday, Joshua Chpt 1 repeats this sentence thrice, "Be strong and courageous!"
On Monday night, I decided to pick up my Smith Wigglesworth, and the entries on 11th July, 12th July, and 13th July all centered around 2 Cor 1:4-6
"who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer."
July 11th's reading: The Holy Spirit- Our Comforter
July 12th's reading:Yielding to God's Plan
July 13th's reading: Consolation out of Affliction
It didn't make me feel better inside truthfully, even after I read the 3 entries. But I am very comforted to know that He cares enough to provide these for me, and that He is ever present even in my darkest moments. That's how faith grows, by experiencing Him.
I am awed by His love for me.
.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
today's sermon
The headache really got to me this morning. I suspected it was more from the alcohol last night rather than the lack of sleep. I downed a Lychee Martini and a Vodka Rasberry with 7-up in an hour. I really wanted to go to Covenant's 8a.m service in the morning followed by FCC.
I got out of bed, got dressed for church, went to the toilet and decided that the headache was too much to take. I undressed, and went back to bed. It was a struggle waking up for church this morning. I was really contemplating sleeping all the way though my headache was somewhat gone by the time I woke up at 10a.m. I pulled myself out of bed, expecting to hear from God that morning.
And I was glad I got to church. Gary spoke about what God has been speaking to me for the past few months, but it was the still small voice I had managed to put at the back of my head. It is about the output from me as a result of the input from God. The past year or 2 has been a very delightful walk with God. My constant prayer is that I never want to lose that intimacy with God and this happens mostly when I am worshipping Him with christian songs. I am constantly being built up and it empowers me in my daily activities in work and in church.
The problem is, while I have a heart to reach out to the GLBT community and the people that comes along my way either through FCC or fridae, I don't have the same passion and desire for the lost, the hungry, the homeless, and hence, I do not have the heart for missions and community outreach programmes. I go for mission trips because I know it is good to, because I have to but not because I want to. I have always been reminded that God's heart is for the UPG (Unreached People's Group) in sermons everywhere, in blog entries that I read, and also God's heart for the fatherless and widows in the bible, but I could never quite feel the urgency and heart to reach out in that area.
Today, Gary made me realise that when we only focus on God and being build up by Him, where our only concentration is just to make sure we are keeping to our spiritual disciplines and worshipping Him without the output of reaching out for the lost, it is likened to idolatry worship. Like we are just worshipping worship. I can't really put in the exact words that he used, but the words "reach out to the lost, and homeless, and the community" really resounded in my ears, and I just pray that God will show me how, that I will be prompted by the Holy Spirit to go where I should go, to where I am led. I also pray that God will give me the desire and the heart for the lost.
And I am starting by adopting a kid from COMPASSION. I am so getting a new laptop asap.
me
.
I got out of bed, got dressed for church, went to the toilet and decided that the headache was too much to take. I undressed, and went back to bed. It was a struggle waking up for church this morning. I was really contemplating sleeping all the way though my headache was somewhat gone by the time I woke up at 10a.m. I pulled myself out of bed, expecting to hear from God that morning.
And I was glad I got to church. Gary spoke about what God has been speaking to me for the past few months, but it was the still small voice I had managed to put at the back of my head. It is about the output from me as a result of the input from God. The past year or 2 has been a very delightful walk with God. My constant prayer is that I never want to lose that intimacy with God and this happens mostly when I am worshipping Him with christian songs. I am constantly being built up and it empowers me in my daily activities in work and in church.
The problem is, while I have a heart to reach out to the GLBT community and the people that comes along my way either through FCC or fridae, I don't have the same passion and desire for the lost, the hungry, the homeless, and hence, I do not have the heart for missions and community outreach programmes. I go for mission trips because I know it is good to, because I have to but not because I want to. I have always been reminded that God's heart is for the UPG (Unreached People's Group) in sermons everywhere, in blog entries that I read, and also God's heart for the fatherless and widows in the bible, but I could never quite feel the urgency and heart to reach out in that area.
Today, Gary made me realise that when we only focus on God and being build up by Him, where our only concentration is just to make sure we are keeping to our spiritual disciplines and worshipping Him without the output of reaching out for the lost, it is likened to idolatry worship. Like we are just worshipping worship. I can't really put in the exact words that he used, but the words "reach out to the lost, and homeless, and the community" really resounded in my ears, and I just pray that God will show me how, that I will be prompted by the Holy Spirit to go where I should go, to where I am led. I also pray that God will give me the desire and the heart for the lost.
And I am starting by adopting a kid from COMPASSION. I am so getting a new laptop asap.
me
.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Love in the 1st degree
A good friend recently broke up with his boyfriend. Though he was the one who initiated the break up, he is still crying over the loss.
I find his love for his boyfriend admirable because despite being treated badly, he still wanted to provide for his boyfriend who earns very little. He paid for his mobile phone bills and almost every meal that they eat together. Even now, after the relationship had ended, he was still concerned about how the ex is going to survive. I know that it happens to many other people too.. but when I hear it from the mouth of a good friend, I saw how real the situation is.. Also, I had a lower expectation of his love for his boyfriend because he shares about how he wants to get the most out of his dates, giving the impression that since money means so much to him, he would not be so generous. Therefore, it must be love.
As I was listening to him over the phone, I thought it is really a wonderful kind of love when it is a love that is sacrificial and unconditional, that despite him not earning big bucks, he still wants to pay for his bf even when they have broken up, even when his boyfriend treats him just like a friend, even when he does not feel like he is the other half.
Of course, human love is never unconditional. Humans subconsciously still expect something when they love..
How wonderful is the love of Jesus that he gave up his life not so he will gain anything from us, but that we will gain everything from him. How wondereful is the love of God that He gave Jesus to us so we can have everything from him. Indeed, we will never know how much the Father loves us until we know how much He loves Jesus.
.
I find his love for his boyfriend admirable because despite being treated badly, he still wanted to provide for his boyfriend who earns very little. He paid for his mobile phone bills and almost every meal that they eat together. Even now, after the relationship had ended, he was still concerned about how the ex is going to survive. I know that it happens to many other people too.. but when I hear it from the mouth of a good friend, I saw how real the situation is.. Also, I had a lower expectation of his love for his boyfriend because he shares about how he wants to get the most out of his dates, giving the impression that since money means so much to him, he would not be so generous. Therefore, it must be love.
As I was listening to him over the phone, I thought it is really a wonderful kind of love when it is a love that is sacrificial and unconditional, that despite him not earning big bucks, he still wants to pay for his bf even when they have broken up, even when his boyfriend treats him just like a friend, even when he does not feel like he is the other half.
Of course, human love is never unconditional. Humans subconsciously still expect something when they love..
How wonderful is the love of Jesus that he gave up his life not so he will gain anything from us, but that we will gain everything from him. How wondereful is the love of God that He gave Jesus to us so we can have everything from him. Indeed, we will never know how much the Father loves us until we know how much He loves Jesus.
.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
gay, in a r/s and in close r/s w God?
Now, how many are there? Please tell. I would love to correspond with you.
Durians @ 4 seasons is a must do for durian lovers. Dear as the durians might be, they are worth every cent of your moolah. V and I got 2 boxes with 1 free. Upon feedback that the texture for one box of durians is a lil wet, the Mr. Salesman gave us another box. 4 boxes 40 bucks. Delicious durians.
It's a good catch up from no catch up ever. I always enjoy conversations where sharing about our experiences of God can be a common topic. He is such a big part of my life that it's just natural to share about how good He has been to me. I am always looking for good model gay christian couples who pursue God with everything that they got. So far, I only met 2 persons like that; CM and G. But both of them are single. So that doesn't count.
So far, my experience is that I feel the closest to God when I am in pain or detached from the one I love. How dreadful is that. I still have not figured that part, how I can be happily attached with a heart on fire for the Lord.
Does that mean that I am meant to be single?
.
Durians @ 4 seasons is a must do for durian lovers. Dear as the durians might be, they are worth every cent of your moolah. V and I got 2 boxes with 1 free. Upon feedback that the texture for one box of durians is a lil wet, the Mr. Salesman gave us another box. 4 boxes 40 bucks. Delicious durians.
It's a good catch up from no catch up ever. I always enjoy conversations where sharing about our experiences of God can be a common topic. He is such a big part of my life that it's just natural to share about how good He has been to me. I am always looking for good model gay christian couples who pursue God with everything that they got. So far, I only met 2 persons like that; CM and G. But both of them are single. So that doesn't count.
So far, my experience is that I feel the closest to God when I am in pain or detached from the one I love. How dreadful is that. I still have not figured that part, how I can be happily attached with a heart on fire for the Lord.
Does that mean that I am meant to be single?
.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Back to IDT
Right. It is back to IDailyTorture. One last term and I will be done. It has really been a journey this past year and a half.
The first term was about getting back to the word of God, and boy, though it was really interesting, I was trying to skip sessions if I could, and I believe I would have skipped more sessions if not for the fact that I could fail from the lack of attendance. At that time, I was also going through quite a tough time emotionally, so it didn't help at all. I know, it sounds silly right, that I should shun from God's family when I needed Him the most. I guess it didn't really help that I couldn't share about my emotional struggles with my DG mates since they didn't know that I was in a relationship. Not being able to share about my emotional state, coupled with having to stay in tuned with God because of IDT, my walk with Him grew exponentially when I learnt how to depend on Him alone. I learnt how to draw my strength from Him, I learnt what it means to put Him first, I learnt what it means that He is all that I need.
The second term is about personal leadership. Interesting too. I was getting used to the spiritual disciplines of daily quiet time, reflection and meditation, and the toughest part, the memorizing of verses. I still felt inclined to miss some sessions though. Getting into the habit of reading the bible regularly, I began to see more clearly the character of God, who He was, who He is, and what He has done for His people, and I began to fall in love with Jesus all over again. This time, not just with emotions but with a logical mind. Also, during this period of time, I began to experience God more intimately through worship. Pslam 27:4-5 was constantly my prayer that season.
Last term was about roots and wings. Setting our roots deep and having the wings and empowerment to fly. I really looked forward to going to IDT. I think it is probably because I have already had a relationship with everyone of the 7 mates in my DG. I am constantly encouraged by their sharing. And it really reinforces that fact that who I am going out with is not my entire life. Jesus is the main part of my life, and it is He who ties everything together! The coming together and sharing allows me to see different parts of who God is in ways I had not experienced myself. And I grow in faith, and am encouraged!
Last Friday was the first day of this final term. When I saw that this whole term's sessions will be on mentoring, I was pretty excited. Because sometime ago, I have caught on Covenant's vision of intentional discipleship in Christiandom, and nurturing and shepherding young believers are very close to my heart. So I am looking forward to IDT this term, and I am praying that He will use what I learn for an eternal purpose. :)
So, IDT stands for IDailyTransformed, not IDailyTortured. ;)
.
The first term was about getting back to the word of God, and boy, though it was really interesting, I was trying to skip sessions if I could, and I believe I would have skipped more sessions if not for the fact that I could fail from the lack of attendance. At that time, I was also going through quite a tough time emotionally, so it didn't help at all. I know, it sounds silly right, that I should shun from God's family when I needed Him the most. I guess it didn't really help that I couldn't share about my emotional struggles with my DG mates since they didn't know that I was in a relationship. Not being able to share about my emotional state, coupled with having to stay in tuned with God because of IDT, my walk with Him grew exponentially when I learnt how to depend on Him alone. I learnt how to draw my strength from Him, I learnt what it means to put Him first, I learnt what it means that He is all that I need.
The second term is about personal leadership. Interesting too. I was getting used to the spiritual disciplines of daily quiet time, reflection and meditation, and the toughest part, the memorizing of verses. I still felt inclined to miss some sessions though. Getting into the habit of reading the bible regularly, I began to see more clearly the character of God, who He was, who He is, and what He has done for His people, and I began to fall in love with Jesus all over again. This time, not just with emotions but with a logical mind. Also, during this period of time, I began to experience God more intimately through worship. Pslam 27:4-5 was constantly my prayer that season.
Last term was about roots and wings. Setting our roots deep and having the wings and empowerment to fly. I really looked forward to going to IDT. I think it is probably because I have already had a relationship with everyone of the 7 mates in my DG. I am constantly encouraged by their sharing. And it really reinforces that fact that who I am going out with is not my entire life. Jesus is the main part of my life, and it is He who ties everything together! The coming together and sharing allows me to see different parts of who God is in ways I had not experienced myself. And I grow in faith, and am encouraged!
Last Friday was the first day of this final term. When I saw that this whole term's sessions will be on mentoring, I was pretty excited. Because sometime ago, I have caught on Covenant's vision of intentional discipleship in Christiandom, and nurturing and shepherding young believers are very close to my heart. So I am looking forward to IDT this term, and I am praying that He will use what I learn for an eternal purpose. :)
So, IDT stands for IDailyTransformed, not IDailyTortured. ;)
.
SATC
SATC, the movie, was the first SATC related material that I got exposed to. Ever since I watched the movie about a month ago, I have completed Season 1 - 3, and almost 4 too, courtesy of E.
What do I like about the series? It is not the sex. There is so much sex that it just gets monotaneous after a few episodes. It is also not just about their pretty dresses and their nearly perfect complexions despite their age. In a way, I feel like I am living vicariously through their lifestyle. Once in a while, the question popped up ," How on earth do they get so much money to live this way? Their spending, and their nonchalance about their spending. I am just amazed.
What also keeps me wanting to watch the series is also Carrie's reflections about the issues concerning sex and relationships. Very real issues. Very worldly too though. That, I guess, together with their witty conversations, which tickles me tremendously, keeps me watching.
so it has been a sneaking in of an hour(or 2) after work, and an hour(or 2) before sleep to catch these episodes, and I think this will go on, till I finish all there is to watch, before I lead a TV-less life again :)
The spirit sometimes nudges to use the time for something more fruitful, but oh, just let me finish them all first.
.
What do I like about the series? It is not the sex. There is so much sex that it just gets monotaneous after a few episodes. It is also not just about their pretty dresses and their nearly perfect complexions despite their age. In a way, I feel like I am living vicariously through their lifestyle. Once in a while, the question popped up ," How on earth do they get so much money to live this way? Their spending, and their nonchalance about their spending. I am just amazed.
What also keeps me wanting to watch the series is also Carrie's reflections about the issues concerning sex and relationships. Very real issues. Very worldly too though. That, I guess, together with their witty conversations, which tickles me tremendously, keeps me watching.
so it has been a sneaking in of an hour(or 2) after work, and an hour(or 2) before sleep to catch these episodes, and I think this will go on, till I finish all there is to watch, before I lead a TV-less life again :)
The spirit sometimes nudges to use the time for something more fruitful, but oh, just let me finish them all first.
.
Monday, July 7, 2008
PLUSH
It has been a year since I have attended PLUSH, and I have never regretted the journey. I look forward to seeing this special group of friends gathering together for the purpose of learning more about God and learning more about one another in the journey.
Some people come, some people go, for some reason or another, which is fine. For some, PLUSH is a temporary shelter until they rebuild their wings to fly again. What an honour and privilege that God would use PLUSH not just as a fellowship group, but one where the lost and wounded can seek refuge. I am of course more thankful for the core group of us who meet week after week despite our busy schedules. It has been a great one year! Truly, after this one year, this is the first time where I understand what it means to have a spiritual family, a home where I can be totally myself..
I pray that God will use PLUSH mightily for His perfect purposes. May we have a fresh revelation of God's love for us every day!
.
Some people come, some people go, for some reason or another, which is fine. For some, PLUSH is a temporary shelter until they rebuild their wings to fly again. What an honour and privilege that God would use PLUSH not just as a fellowship group, but one where the lost and wounded can seek refuge. I am of course more thankful for the core group of us who meet week after week despite our busy schedules. It has been a great one year! Truly, after this one year, this is the first time where I understand what it means to have a spiritual family, a home where I can be totally myself..
I pray that God will use PLUSH mightily for His perfect purposes. May we have a fresh revelation of God's love for us every day!
.
blogs so far
so I have blogged from xanga, to multiply, to livejournal, to blogspot, and to blogspot again.
I guess the reason for starting this blog is to share my journey with the Lord, so as it is for the blog on multiply, but this will also include my life in regards to FCC, PLUSH and some aspects of my personal life, things I cannot write about on Multiply.
cheers
.
I guess the reason for starting this blog is to share my journey with the Lord, so as it is for the blog on multiply, but this will also include my life in regards to FCC, PLUSH and some aspects of my personal life, things I cannot write about on Multiply.
cheers
.
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