The headache really got to me this morning. I suspected it was more from the alcohol last night rather than the lack of sleep. I downed a Lychee Martini and a Vodka Rasberry with 7-up in an hour. I really wanted to go to Covenant's 8a.m service in the morning followed by FCC.
I got out of bed, got dressed for church, went to the toilet and decided that the headache was too much to take. I undressed, and went back to bed. It was a struggle waking up for church this morning. I was really contemplating sleeping all the way though my headache was somewhat gone by the time I woke up at 10a.m. I pulled myself out of bed, expecting to hear from God that morning.
And I was glad I got to church. Gary spoke about what God has been speaking to me for the past few months, but it was the still small voice I had managed to put at the back of my head. It is about the output from me as a result of the input from God. The past year or 2 has been a very delightful walk with God. My constant prayer is that I never want to lose that intimacy with God and this happens mostly when I am worshipping Him with christian songs. I am constantly being built up and it empowers me in my daily activities in work and in church.
The problem is, while I have a heart to reach out to the GLBT community and the people that comes along my way either through FCC or fridae, I don't have the same passion and desire for the lost, the hungry, the homeless, and hence, I do not have the heart for missions and community outreach programmes. I go for mission trips because I know it is good to, because I have to but not because I want to. I have always been reminded that God's heart is for the UPG (Unreached People's Group) in sermons everywhere, in blog entries that I read, and also God's heart for the fatherless and widows in the bible, but I could never quite feel the urgency and heart to reach out in that area.
Today, Gary made me realise that when we only focus on God and being build up by Him, where our only concentration is just to make sure we are keeping to our spiritual disciplines and worshipping Him without the output of reaching out for the lost, it is likened to idolatry worship. Like we are just worshipping worship. I can't really put in the exact words that he used, but the words "reach out to the lost, and homeless, and the community" really resounded in my ears, and I just pray that God will show me how, that I will be prompted by the Holy Spirit to go where I should go, to where I am led. I also pray that God will give me the desire and the heart for the lost.
And I am starting by adopting a kid from COMPASSION. I am so getting a new laptop asap.
me
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