About shopping for cars

I am very thankful for the use of a friend's car in about 2 weeks from now. She will be away for 5 weeks. That delays me from getting a car even further. Not that I am complaining. Since 2 months plus ago since I stopped driving. I have been tempted to get another car. I logged on to sgcarmart thrice, spent like an hour on it and contemplated contacting some sellers for test drives. Having researched (on a superficial level) and being ready to get the car helps me narrow down my criteria in the car I want to get.

Now, when I look at the cars on the road, I know instinctively what attracts me and what doesn't. I don't consider just any car. I know what type I want. I think it's the same thing "shopping" for a partner. If we have not researched enough, have not asked enough questions (internal reflection - something talked about yesterday over fish head curry), have not seen enough, it's difficult to make that measured decision. Much as I go with the feel and the flow, I know when someone is a potential someone and when someone is not.

I have a few friends who are looking and ready to date. I pray and hope they will not go for just anyone who's available and who seems interested to be with them. It's so easy especially when one is lonely and wants to fill that empty part of their life. I have heard that a few of these couples do last though.

Ultimately, it takes 2 hands to clap. For one couple who's mismatched yet takes the effort to work things out and commit to staying together, they may be the happiest couple ever. For a couple who's very compatible but yet not commited to staying together and working things out, things can fall apart. LIfe is very unpredictable and confusing sometimes. My take is just to give my best in any relationship and if the relationship doesn't work out, at least I do not have any regrets.
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Post Election reflection

The towed car is still not back at the car park yet. Poor thing.

I learnt that the older aunties and uncles do not really have an idea who to vote for. They neither read the papers nor watch the news. So how do they decide? They look at the face lor. And the symbol. TJS is smart to use a heart symbol.

A good impression is so important. Hence the walkabouts.. a headful of white hair shows wisdom. Spectacles show intellect. A compassionate smile can win votes too. Someone told me that TKL looks like a pervert. Another someone told me that TJS looks sly. Heh.

I am glad for the results. Thankful actually. There's some form of stability, yet TT knows that he has to win the other 65%'s trust. Things will only get better. Ganbatte.
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Election entertainment 2

My partner for the second half of my duty is a Chinese language teacher who came to Singapore 10 years ago on an MOE schlorship. She's quite cute and petite and we had a good conversation going throughout the day when there weren't any business. In mandarin. Yes. In mandarin. I was quite proud of my ability to hold a conversation in mandarin. Haha. Maybe she was thinking I speak crap mandarin but the conversations were good. We had an interesting conversation before we sat together to work though. She asked: has anyone told you you look cool? I was like hmmmm? She elaborated and said that when she saw me standing at the first station before we worked together, she thought I looked like a policewoman. I thought I looked pretty feminine! Maybe not to a straight femme (she's married with a 8 month old son). Anyhowz thought that was quite interesting. I wonder if i will look good andro. Hee. 
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Election entertainment 1

A car parked at the car park was towed away. I heard the police called for the tow truck. No doubt the parking area was barricaded from 2 days ago, but the car was there, in the same position, 2 days ago. I think the owner might be travelling. Poor thing. But he should have known.. The same area was barricaded for GE. I am sure there will be lots of commotion over the towed car. Perhaps the police will have to pay for the tow truck. We shall see. Funny thing. I have been staying at cck for 6 years yet I do not know who the car owner is. :p
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No future for the not so smart kids?

While invilgilating a class, I looked around the class and thought of how pupils have progressed in the way that they look. Last time, the smart ones looked toot when they were younger and if they ever transform to look good, it would be when they become vain. It was the baddies who looked cool and non-studying ah lians who looked manicured.  They are the ones with higher eq and
who tend to be more well-liked. Nowadays, the smarter kids are not only intelligent, they look better and their eq is slightly higher. They do better at sports too.. because they use their brains. For the academically weaker ones, poor things. Then I start to evaluate what they truly need to be taught in school. Details in another post. TGIF!!
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True lesbians

Well, I was speaking to a long lost friend after church when she told me about her struggle with her attraction to this girl who was obviously making use of her. Everyone has given her the advice to break off the relationship/friendship with the girl. She was going on about how sexy and gorgeous the girl was and how she felt aroused looking at blah blah blah. At that moment, I felt like she's truly 100% lesbian. I don't think anyone who dressed sexily had caused me to feel aroused before. Maybe it was because she was already attracted to the gal. 

Then I asked myself if I was 100% lesbian. Prolly not. But being attracted to women is more than just being attracted to their private parts, isn't it? It's being attracted to what makes a woman woman. That's why I think I am unlikely to fall for someone too masculine. Ah well. Random rant to celebrate the weekend.
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Selfish?

Was walking with my course mate to the train station. Upon knowing that he was taking the same line as I was, I told him I was going to J8 to get something before heading home. He said he was going to get some food there too before heading back. I apologised for not being able to accompany him. 

Such is the need for my personal time. Sigh. Sunday's sermon was a good reminder and caused me to ask this question: why is it that I can't give more of my time to others. 

Sigh.
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Just keep moving..

This is the second time I am taking a train from cck to aljunied. Both times, I left home at the same time. Today, however, I walked a little faster from home to the train station and managed to catch the train which had just arrived then. I reached aljunied 15 mins earlier because the connecting train at Jurong East happened to be at the station where I had made that transfer. Those few seconds made so much difference. It's all about the timing.

Same with God. Regardless of the timing, you will still arrive at your destination. Just later or earlier. If you walk with God and go by His timing, you get to use the shortcut. You dont have to relearn things as much. God is so good to not make us like robots. He gave us choices. Even if we made a "wrong" decision, we will still arrive at the destination, maybe via the longer route with harder lessons to learn and maybe more suffering. 

So timely that I saw Confucious' saying after this entry: It doesn't matter how slowly you go, so long you don't stop moving forward.
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shen bitching

a person's status update:

I am rendered speechles by my building's cleaner once again. She just closed the lift door in my face minutes ago when I had my hands full and was trying to enter the lift. She was facing me so its impossible that she did not see me! Seriously. whats her problem?!




My inner voice said: She doesn't like you.
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...

There is a certain sense of beauty in the worship of God when the heart feels kinda empty, when we feel a lil lost. It is during these times when the awareness of God's presence is heightened. Sweet.. God's strength is perfect in our weakness.
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Wanna have smooth glowy skin?

Swim. It's equivalent to soaking in the bathtub. All your dirt gets swept away by the moving water molecues. That's why people soak their stained clothings. Same concept. Same same but different.
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Random thought only on public transport

The elderly shouldn't colour their hair. Nor should they use SK2. The number of wrinkles and that headful of white hair may cause people to think that they are still young and no one will give up their seats for them on public transport.
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and so..

I have been doing foot reflexology for the past 3 hours. On the OSIM. The real thing cost too much at certain periods of the month. THe pain is so addictive.

Got a chance to spend some very relaxing time at home. Pontang a dinner meant for the nominees for the Outstanding PE teacher award. I felt a bit bad because the dinner is paid for by the school. My HOD, who's supposed to be my chaperon, asked me to get an MC to cover my backside just in case my P gets angry that I skipped the dinner. So I did. What a lovely way to spend the evening. Lazy lazy me. THe dinner's too far away and I have no transport. Another deterring factor. I don't really want to make small talk too. It's too exhausting. I think I get more anti-social the older I get.

Spent $23 bucks at the clinic. $10 bucks sponsored by MOE. Got meself more synflex. I feel like a drug addict sometimes.

I feel lazzzzzzy.
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My time @ Wesley

I had the privilege of attending a friend's baptism service. I am not really close to her but for her to invite me is a big thing because she only asked her mum, her partner and 2 or 3 friends. 

Even though I am not as close to her, my heart leapt with excitement and joy when she announced that she was getting baptized.

A small part of how I felt was because I know how important this step of public declaration is. To me, water baptism is equivalent to marriage. But I guess a large part of the reason why I felt this way was how I saw her journey with God progress from the first time she stepped into FCC. Though she was baptized in another church last Thursday, it reminded me once again the importance of fcc's ministry. From FCC and her journey in search of her sexuality in relation to God, she has come to the level of understanding and acceptance of what it means to be a gay Christian. That is so very precious.

What's there not to rejoice about. We are all part of God's big family. She expressed interest in looking for a bible study group at FCC. She's exploring. Starting with plush next Tuesday. It's all about God's timing. She used to visit plush once or twice but stopped after a while. Whether she remains this time is inconsequential. I pray she finds a place where she can grow and serve.
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Friends, trust and good friends

My relationship with my colleague has become better since we talked about church and God. I am not sure if I am right about this but he's much gentle when he speaks to me now. No more angst, no tone of bitchiness in his voice (the gay men kind of bitchiness) like how it used to be. Yet I am still a little hesitant about sharing much of my personal life with him. Maybe not yet. I only share about my personal life with my best friend at work.

 I guess there are not many people I can entrust my life to. I can think of a few that I would bare my soul to but lack of time and circumstances do not allow for that depth of sharing to take place regularly. As such, I only share that much and that deeply with people I spend a lot of time with,mostly my partners. It's a risk to share dark secrets with people. I guess it's more of how my trust in them is broken more so than hearing my secrets let out. The feelings of hurt and betrayal stay only for a while, but it's difficult to build the relationship to that same level once that trust is broken.

 I remembered how I trusted a good friend enough to come out to her but she later emailed a few of our common friends on the pretext of praying for me. That was when I decided that i have no interest in cultivating our friendship any longer. I will still be around if she needs my help. But that's all she will get from me; my availability.

In a way, as much and as easily I feel for someone (as a friend), I don't have much difficulty letting go of someone who can't be trusted or just someone who takes all the time. I try to be around as much as I can but I don't need to grovel to have someone's friendship unless they are Jesus. Hehe.

Sometimes, I do think that to be great friends, there will be a certain level of compatibility (now I am complicating friendship too. :p). 

Firstly, I think there must be a certain amount of trust and care. It cannot be one-sided. Both parties must enjoy each other's company. Both must be able to have a balance of giving and taking,  both have to be able take turns to be strong for each other, funny enough to lift up each other's spirits when either is down, available enough to spend time with, with common interests enough to do things with. That's why some people click with some and not with others. 

Funneee random thoughts I have sometimes. That is my blog. To allow me to record my thoughts and think aloud.
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better write before I forget

I was driving. I could see a car in the next lane signaling to come into my lane. I slowed down, he was very hesitant. I nearly stopped driving completely so that he could pass, but I decided that he wasn't going to, so I sped up. After that, I looked at my rearview mirror and saw that there was no cars behind me. He was waiting for me to pass before entering my lane. I thought I was kind, doing him a favour. But if I had remained, he might have been stuck in traffic when the next wave of cars come after me.

Lesson learnt: don't be presumptous. A lot of times, we feel the need to do something for someone. Sometimes we think we know better. Maybe not. It may be out of goodwill and good intention. But the timing may not be right. Another example: I see an elderly cleaner being diligent picking up trash. My heart breaks to see people her age still working. I decided to pass some money to her. My intention was good. Someone equally in need of money saw that sum of money passed to her. He knocked her over and took all her money from her. She was fine, at peace and physically well before I passed the money to her. Now she's not only penniless, she's injured.

When we feel an urge to do something, it does not always mean that the Holy Spirit's prompting. Our emotions can be deceiving at times. Pray for wisdom. Pray for discernment. Walk in step with Jesus. His timing is perfect. He is always on time.
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whilst showering,

I remembered a friend who deliberately came by to make conversation while shooting some hoops. We never had that level of conversation before in the past year we have known each other though we meet weekly for badminton. I was a little uncomfortable at first but we did have a fair amount of casual conversation that evening, something I am thankful for. I think it's a good warm up to more serious sharing to come.

She was the one who had recently started to listen to Hillsong ever since she heard a few from my car and from another friend's car. I do not have any idea where she is at now in terms of her relationship with God. I do not even know if she's a believer. I have been rather careful talking to people about God because I learnt that my primarily form of evangelism is just being the person I am supposed to be. People look at how I behave more than what I preach and share about God. My primarily duty is not to embarrass Jesus (quoting what one of my friend's say) and help people overcome their obstacles that could prevent them from knowing God more.

Anywayz, back to my thoughts while showering. I thought of the possible reasons why she could so easily start listening to Hillsong, which to me is a great deal because for someone who has not been attending church/talking about God, picking up hillsongs is like a whoa.. really? kind of feeling. Well, unless that person is very musicially appreciative. I must say HIllsong has some of the greatest tunes I know but still... I thought that maybe she was a christian before but she felt unworthy to go to church because some people have given her the impression that God despises homosexuals and God doesn't want people to smoke and have tattoos. Maybe it's easier for her not to say that she's a christian and be comfortable with the life she's living? Whatever it is, I am glad things are starting to change a little for her. Worship music is a good first step to experiencing God's powerful presence. Music can move souls (that's what they say about mainstream music), more so music inspired by God. Together with the living word of God translated into lyrics, I am excited as to what Hillsong can do for her.

This thought brings me to consider other reasons why people are resistant to the idea of accepting God into their life. I think many people know that God exist and that they know there is more than life than just living it to the fullest. Maybe it's just easier to live out their own lives, be good in their own way and not be tied down by expectations of how they should behave and be judged by fellow people who are supposed to love and accept them for who they are. I think, if more people know that God is an all-embracing, all loving God, who loves them for who they are, they may be more willing to welcome God into their life.
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lazy?

was just chatting with a friend and she mentioned she has 4 tuition students. I was telling her I only had 1 and I recently gave her up mainly because I needed more time and also because I think I have taught her all she needed to know. In cases like that, I usually am quite unmotivated to go give tuition and if I do, I will feel sleepy. So to avoid feeling guilty for frequently changing the timings because I didn't feel like going and feel bad when I doze off during tuition sessions, I reckon it's better I give her up. I did attempt to ask my colleagues if they wanted to give tuition but most do not because teachers are just too busy.

So... while talking to this friend who's giving tuition to 4 students (8 times a week with weekends burnt), I felt incredibly lazy. Afterall, tuition is a good source of income. Moreover, the student I was giving tuition to is not a difficult student. She learns fast, learns well and she lives just beside my work place.... AND I only see her once a week, an hour and a half each time and I earn $75 bucks at the end of the lesson. ARGH!!! GRRRR! Now I feel extremely lazy.

Well, I told the mum that if she needs, she can call me up for ad hoc lessons. I just can't imagine going there week after week. I suppose this is a case of not dying to my flesh. It's just one and a half hours a week and so near to my home... GRRRRR. Lazy lazy me.

Well, I can always change my mind. But I don't think so. Maybe a break is good. Moreover, the assignments for the Masters course have not come in.

Okay. Random rambling in the midst of nursing my menstrual cramps. Ciaoz.
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Random thought

I learnt that there are generally 3 groups of people who have different responses when they share their problems with others; one type doesnt like to be told what to do. For this group of people, the greatest help you can give them is to ask the right questions or present the pros and cons of different solutions for them. They will make their own decisions eventually.

The second type of people would be very eager to ask for a solution and ask for specific solutions to be given to them. The last group of people is like the second group of people. They want to know what you think and what you would do but in the end, they will do what they feel like doing. 

When I recognize that there are these different groups of people, I feel happier and more at peace. I also come to realize that different people come into my life in different seasons for different reasons. With the que sera sera mindset, I am able to contribute to the lives of others and not be disappointed. Service life longer. Goodie.
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Bad breath

More than once, I have been in contact with people who had bad breath (not morning breath, breath that is caused by tartar on the teeth). Then I wondered how their spouse/partner can kiss them.. Maybe some couples stop kissing after a while. But isn't it difficult standing close to that person too?

My nose is very sensitive to smell, maybe that's why I don't really enjoy speaking with someone who has bad breath. My nose is so sensitive that if I had smelled a fragrance from before, I would be able to identify it on someone else. I recognise the importance of flossing just recently. Even when I floss every other day, I can still smell that smell. I can't imagine how I can not floss regularly before.

Anyhowz, some people have low confidence in themselves because of how they look. But I dare say, it's more of how one presents oneself that is more important; Personal hygiene -checked, confidence - checked, dressing presentably - checked, pleasant personality - checked. That with a dash of fragrance will get one to many places.:)
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Some random thoughts on a Sunday

I knew I was PMSsing. If not, I won't be eating so much these few days.

When the door handle doesn't turn upwards, turn it downwards.

When you put your hand under the tap and no water runs out, press the tap.

When the nose is running and you can't stop it. Lie down.
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Argh

I must be pmssing.! I feel so restless and my postings have been rather antagonistic. More to come. Calm down little spirit, calm down....
I wanna go shopping this weekend! One more day to the weekend!
Holidays on tues and wednesdays! Yay!
The theme for teachers' day dinner this year is no theme. In that, every level is supposed to come up with their own theme and dress according to that. My level teachers have been throwing in ideas all day: royal family, from the costume shop, nuns, rock stars, ghosts and the supernatural, etc. Quite fun. But can you imagine moving around town dressing like one of the characters from a horror movie, more so this month- the hungry ghosts festival.
I am taking one hour train ride to bedok. Thank God for the iPhone.
I might just get the koss porta headphones again. They are reliable and have lasted me a good year and a half. Must be gentle with them though.
Sad to hear whenever a friend's loved one is unwell, praying for physical comfort and healing for the unwell, and comfort and strength for their family members.
I have been typing incessantly for the past hour. Time to take a break!
Napping now!
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Bad breath

I have been educating my health education classes about personal hygiene these 2 days. I really enjoyed teaching them about stuff relevant to life. I feel more alive and engaged teaching them about the difference between an anopheles mosquito and aedes mosquito and how they can prevent mosquito breeding at home given the dengue epidemic now.. Some will tell me they share what they learnt with their parents too. 

Teaching English is not so easy. Grammar can be so dry but it's really what they need to learn. It's extremely challenging to help them learn grammar in a creative way. Sometimes, when lessons get too fun, you wonder if they had learnt (and half the time, they don't). Inductive learning is most useful but with a syllabus to follow and certain concepts to teach to prep them for their exams, it takes a lot more to cultivate the love of reading in them to be that teacher who exceeds expectations (according to the system which ranks teachers).

I was supposed to talk about bad breath but got carried away. Next entry perhaps......
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What if the ex has changed for the better?

One of my exes has changed so much I barely recognized her. Someone asked me over dinner sometime last week if I would get back with her since I thought she has changed so much after the break up and changed for the better I must say. 

My response to her question was pretty general. I told her that the only thing that caused me to decide that it's better for us to be just friends was because it felt like we were just friends. There was nothing unattractive about her before that would cause me to consider a break up. I loved her just the way she was, except for the fact that I didn't feel like we were in a relationship. Then the friend asked: what if she has also changed in that way that she could make you feel like you are the most special person on earth. Well, I can't really answer that question now, can I? But she has changed so much in the past few months I hardly know her. Who I was attracted to before seems foreign now.

Which brings me to this point: that special someone need not be perfect. Romantic love to me is when and where two hearts connect at that level of compatibility.
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In the plane, after the movie

Just finished the movie "social network" for the second time. 

E.S was M.Z's only friend before he got famous. His best friend was the one who provided all the finances for him to start of the biz. To me, that, along with friendship and a worthy partnership for the biz is more than what I would ask for in a friendship. Looking at how M.Z treated E.S made me consider the issue of trust between friends. I guess he had more to lose. Not many has a biz that is valued at 25 billion dollars. And perhaps, he felt that the negative incident where E.S Had frozen the bank account warrants some level of distrust on how beneficial future partnership will be.

 I am usually termed as trusting and naive by the people closest to me (mostly my partners). They meant to say that that is a virtue I think. They had said before that was what they love about me;  sincerity and purity ( in that, they meant the non-menancing and trusting part of me), I think. Afterall, they knew they could trust me, I think. Whether or not they really did, I wouldn't know.i mean, why would I be suspicious and not trust any of my friends right? For me, especially when I am sharing a great proportion of my life with someone special, I feel that I would be able to trust them to a very large degree. Afterall, after I give my heart wholeheartedly to them and give them as much as I can, there won't be anything to lose, will there? 

Rewatching this movie caused me to think about this trust issue and I started thinking about the people whom I could really trust with my life; my heart, my finances. I invested half of my savings (not much) in stocks under my mum's name. Am I close to my mum? Not really. To what extent is that sum of money safeguarded? I never really thought about it. 

That is the same kind of trust I have with people close to me, except that it extends to other aspects of my life too, not just in the area of finances.

As I was considering this issue of trust, I remembered what the very wise words of King Solomon. He said do not trust in princes and men but put your trust in God. I guess the perspective to take seriously is this: our trust should indeed be in God and no one else because God is perfect and He wont fail us. Likewise, humans are imperfect and will fail us. Does that then mean we become wary of others and start to detach ourselves from the world? I guess the other question to ask then is this: what do we have that we hold on so tightly to that we can't afford to lose? And why is that so?
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At the start of the movie, during the movie

When I have a choice as to what type of movies I like to watch on DVD, I would choose something I have watched before. At least I am familiar with the characters and the content of the movie. Whenever I watch a new movie, I will be so distracted that I will be doing everything else but watch the movie. That's just me. Funnee eh.
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While peeing

Strange what I think about sometimes, at weird moments. While I was flushing the toilet, I thought about how the colour of my urine reflects my health. The lighter the colour, the healthier I am, or so it seems. Yet that is only surface information. We need to "xray" our blood and our urine to determine if we are really healthy.

Jesus also values substance over form. Our spiritual health is not reflected by how we look in front of others; how much we seem to know about Him by talking about Him, how religious we look from the frequency we are seen "doing" spiritual activities.

A good tree bears good fruit. How do we determine the spiritual health of a Christian? It's in our lifestyle; what we say, what we do, how we care, how we give, our attitude in serving etc.

Good reminder for me.
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