Conversation with friend 2

It's good to be prepared before you get into a relationship. It's not wise to start preparing only when you get into a relationship. I feel that there are certain basic qualitites one needs to have as an individual before they get into a relationship. I also believe that there are certain basic qualitites that one should have when they are in a relationship with someone else.

Someone said I complicate love. What is love anyway? If love is an emotion, then yes, I complicate love. But I believe love is more than a feeling. I believe that true love is a willingness to die to a certain part of yourself in order to make your partner happy. Love is an effort, and love deals with real issues.

My friend asked me to elaborate more so here I am. Laterz. Need to settle some stuff first.
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Smokers

I am not discriminating against smokers. I have good friends who are smokers. And I stand with them sometimes when they hang out to smoke.

Thing is, my nose is allergic to smoke/dust/fur. I sneeze when there is a sudden amount of smoke/dust/fur that comes my way. After a few minutes of persistent smoking/dusting and furring, my airways get inflamed and my nose starts to clog up. It's a very uncomfortable feeling. Hence, no smokers for me.

Even if I were not allergic to smoke, I tend to be attracted to someone who smells nice. I am sure that is so for many people, right?
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Over a conversation with friend 1

She: How do you find AAA?

Me: She reminds me of one of my ex. Better as a friend than a partner.

She: How about BBB? Why don't you consider BBB since she's interested?

Me: She smokes. And...

She: Are you giving yourself reasons why you don't want to date her?

Me: Honestly, I can never date a smoker. BBB is attractive and I can see myself being attracted to her, She's pretty nice and sensible too. But I can't see myself being with her as a partner.

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I was so tempted to tell "She" the reason why I am closed to everyone else.

My heart is already reserved for you.
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Interesting questions

Watching the movie "This is War" brought several questions to mind:

1) is it possible to love two persons at the same time?

2) do people tend to be attracted to the charismatic, smooth or suave sort of people more so than the nice, sweet, mature and responsible kind of people? 

Will answer the questions later.
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Crossroads at work

Invilgilation always gives time to think, reflect and pray. 

I really like to work under my ex P. but somehow, something in my heart is holding me back from asking her if there's vacancy at her school though she has told me before there is. When I think about reasons why I should leave, I can't find any. It feels like God is holding me back in this school, for whatever reason I don't know. Guess I will know in time to come.
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Insights and revelations

I am inspired twice today. Once by the book I am currently reading: the great omission. It's about discipleship. I know it's a good book when every other sentence I read cause me to think for a few minutes and then I get inspired. This very passage speaks my ethos for my Christian faith:

"Spiritual formation is the process of increasingly being possessed and permeated by these character traits (the fruit of love: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) as we walk in the easy yolk of discipleship with Jesus our teacher. From the inward character the deeds of love then naturally-but supernaturally- and transparently flow. Of course, there will always be room for improvement, so we need not worry that we will become perfect- at least for a few weeks or months. Our aim is to be pervasively possessed by Jesus through constant companionship with him."

And while having a conversation with a friend, she shared that she has just ended a dating relationship which is maybe one month old? That's fast, I thought. I asked her why. And she said that the girl is nice, cute and mature for her age,yet she doesn't think they are good together in the long run. So better to end now and preserve the friendship.

I salute the active measures she takes. I think it takes a vey mature and secure person to be able to do that. And it's not because that gal she was dating is ugly! She's pretty cute and intelligent. I know her too. It's good that the reason for her to be in the relationship is because she doesn't want to be alone/someone else has come along/that girl is good to have. Wow.

For me, something similar happened in my previous relationship, just that I didn't end it then. I moved on to a relationship because i felt we could work things out. It's as if i am shopping and buying clothes that are half a size smaller thinking i will lose weight. Hehe. 

During dating, I sensed that we weren't compatible, but because we have started to be intimate then (not all the way), I felt responsible. Moreover, I considered that we could help each other grow with our different strengths. Ah well. I know better now with this sudden unexpected revelation from a friend.

It's so nice over here at the Starbucks at the promenade.. I can sit here forever having these moments of time with God, worshipping, reading, reflecting, praying and writing. It is just too cold. Bought my second drink and shall attempt to sit outside again. The cool breeze is refreshing! For another half an hour! :)
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From reading the OT

I am so glad that Jesus came so I don't have to see too much blood and handle animals like they used to as my sin offering.
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my passion

my school is in need of leadership, particularly for the English department. The subject head is on maternity leave and since she extended her leave, the likelihood of her being posted back is close to zero. The English HOD is taking a year off to pursue her Masters. A, being the senior teacher for EL was extremely concerned since she's taking directives from the head. We ran through the entire staff list and could not find anyone suitable. Along the way, I was brought into the picture, of which I insisted that my specialisation is in PE, and thankfully so.

I shared with A and the other adjunct teacher over lunch that I am not passionate about English. I like reading yes, I like words yes, but I like it as a social tool, not for work. What I am passionate about is teaching the kids under my charge; helping them through the subject.. and this only can happen when I have a relationship with them, when I feel for them and want to add value to their life. That kind of love and patience can't come from anywhere else but God. It is because of God's overwhelming love that I am inclined to love. My passion is for the things of God. It is through Him I get my purpose for work other than it being a source of income. God's love helps me care and love others.

Just a realisation after the conversation about why I don't want to head the EL dept. Simply because I can't give my best to what I don't feel passionate about.
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Call me Nancy Drew

it's quite surreal when you read the news about this stalker woman who has been charged in court for stalking an ex ST correspondent for 4 years and a few minutes later, find out that her facebook page is still in existence. And open for all to see.

Being the busybody that I am, I went through her facebook wall and photos and found out that she's a christian and attending Victory Family Centre. She doesn't seem like half the crazy person the victim described her to be. There were recordings of her voice messages and excerpts of her emails to the victim though.

I recognised the victim too. She's the sister of one of G's best friends. I thought she was straight and with a bf then. But it seems like they are no longer together. I wonder if the stalker and the victim were ever in a relationship. Such a busybody I am. I think I will thrive being a private investigator. :)
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the next break..

is happening in less than 48 hours.

I am really desperately needing to breathe some cool air. I love winter as long as it is above 15 degrees celsius.

I am also slightly amused by my need to travel so much. Deep down, I can be really restless. Unfortunately or fortunately depending on how you see it, this year is a major saving year for the sake of the flat next Feb. I did say that I wasn't going to go to a country I have been before. Technically speaking, I am still keeping to my reso because this trip is a blessing from a special person. I am continually giving thanks for blessings bountiful. It's all about perspective anyway when it comes to blessings.. Anywayz, I am slowly yet surely working towards that goal.

Enough rambling. My goal tonight is to find my research article and get it printed out by tomorrow so I can do some work on the plane. Yahoooooooooooo!
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crossroads

am pretty much at some crossroads in my life. Nothing that would cause me to be too distressed or unrested, but just things to pray through and pray about.

I am praying about whether I should apply for a transfer to my old P's school when the application period opens up in June. A colleague said she's going. She told me that 6 staff are confirmed going. And there are 14 vacancies left in that school. That made me a little anxious. I know my P has told me before that there's place over there for me yet I didn't feel that God has called me to move next year, at least not at this moment. And I certainly hope that the knowledge that I might NOT get a place when the vacancies are all filled up will not drive me to make the decision that God did not lead me to make. Right now, my concern is take this batch of kids through to secondary school.

Things I want to start doing though:
Communicate for a longer time with the Lord everyday.
Do not give up in making people's lives better by availing myself.
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one reason why I don't bother about certain people that much

I believe there can be a stage of a few months to a year that someone can be in a depressed, needy and whiny mode because of some circumstance that has happened. But I also believe that people should quickly move beyond their circumstances especially when they know of a God so big that He can solve all problems, in His time.

I believe we can only help people who wants to be helped. There are people who persist on sharing the same sort of problems, dwelling on the same issue over and over again, either because of their reluctance to step out of their comfort zone, their unwillingness to commit their situation to God and rest or that they merely want attention or have an ego-booster.

Maybe they do not see how God can help them through the situation. Maybe they don't really want to change the way things are. Unfortunately, for cases like that, I can only tolerate up to a certain extent, especially when I can't see how they might want a friendship other than having their needs met.

That's very unchristian way of thinking. But I am working on it. And I am sure God will work on me in this area. It's regardless of how people are like, it's how we should be like as followers of Christ. But that aside, certain groups of people are wired to have that level of patience with people like that. Not me.

My ex DGL was just sharing how she can't have the energy to keep up with someone/a couple for more than 1-2 years. (She's a counselor). However, she said her husband complemented her that way, that he has the patience to be with his counselee for 3-4 years. Wow. I am amazed. This kind of person inspires me to be better.
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that's what I mean by being sarcastic

In my friend's poster on FB:

Rule 5: If you do something (or say something) really stupid, never blame it on the booze or on being drunk.

I was really tempted to say I like Rule 5 because I know she can read my friend's fb page. But because I facilitated yesterday's session on love, I have to reconsider that option, confess my provoking nature and repent of such thoughts.

Move on already Shen!
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about love

the point is this. Only God can give that overwhelming love that helps us to love people who are unlovable; not just people whom we love, whom we like, who has a connection with us, who are nice to us, who are nice to look at, who are nice to hang out with.

To fix the symptom is only temporary.

To fix the root of the problem requires a transformation of the heart.
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where are they in this circle?

I want to meet with like-minded believers, spiritually mature people whose hearts are wholly after God's heart. no agenda except God's, not making pleasure, leisure and work priority before God.
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Today's reflection

Teamwork in achieving God's purpose so that His power and glory can be seen through us.

"as long as Moses held up the staff in his hand, the Israelites had the advantage. But whenever he dropped his hand, the Amalekites gained the advantage. Moses' arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle." 

Exodus 17:11-12
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Birthday reflection

Feeling loved gives a certain sense of confidence and quiet assurance. Similarly, not feeling loved makes one need to do or say things to prove themselves. 

That's why it is important to know that we are God's beloved loved unconditionally by Him. His love changes lives! At least It has changed mine.
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Whhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeet!

and so.. the constant message that I have been reading from the OT these days is this: The only reason why God's grace, power and might can be seen so evidently is because His people are brought to the very low. Sometimes this has to happen so that people can just see how great, how mighty and how powerful God is.

And our follow up should be?

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

2 Cor 12:9
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