as I was going through the posts on blogspot,I wondered why I have to blog over here when majority of the entries do not speak about GLBT matters. I realised that me liking women is just a small portion of my life, but my life with the girls who are PLUs take up quite a portion of my life.
I would like to be honest about how I spend my time. It's a bit uncomfortable having to be so careful with what I say in front of my friends who are straight..
I was this close to coming out to a friend last night. And another one today because she asked all the right questions ( I think it's the holy spirit). I might just do it with this other friend on Wed when I meet her.
my neck is still stiff. Sigh. I ran into an old old friend just 2 days ago. I learnt that his mum does 1 hour massages for $25 for a full body and $15 for the foot. And she lives just 10 minutes away. The mum used to work @ Refresh Room at Lot 1 but got posted to town recently. She has her own customers at home too if she is free. I think I am trying that out soon.
Feeling a bit melancholic today. Prolly PMSsing.
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Monday, November 24, 2008
Sunday, November 23, 2008
real belated post
I didn't regret leaving from bowling after 1 game though I was reluctant to. The small group gathering was unexpectedly good. A friend's gay friend J is in Singapore for a holiday. He's 38, and shared some gems which were very insightful. Happily being in a monogamous relationship with his partner for 8 years made his sharing more credible.
Thought they had not thought they were each other's type, he knew within the first week that he could be with him for a long while.
He shared that what is very important is that a couple must know the essential fundamentals that they personally need in a relationship, i.e the non-negotiables. For him, it's the way finances are handled and the type of environment he wants to retire in. It sounds like very trivial issues but he says these are really important.
He was rather pragmatic about things. One thing that he said that resonated with me was what he said that people shouldn't hold on to a relationship just because they don't want to be alone. He even said that if there comes one day when his partner decides that he doesn't love him anymore, he would rather the partner go than to stay on.
we spoke about coming out, and his journey in coming out to his parents, very conservative christian parents who are elders in the church they had been worshipping at since he was young.
On another note, one of the gals was sharing about how her sister was most concerned about was her giving up God. She told her sister it's no fight between God and being in a gay relationship. i hope her gf didn't feel anything about that.
I guess that's one reason why I would really appreciate about a gf who believes in the same kind of God I believe in.. that if one day, God tells us both really clearly to let go of each other and follow Him, that regardless how much we love each other and find it very hard to let go, we would listen and follow because we both know that what is on earth is temporal but what is in heaven is eternal, that it matters to both of us to be able to see each other in eternity.
There. This was edited from about 2 months ago :P.
I kinda miss China. This is crazy.
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Thought they had not thought they were each other's type, he knew within the first week that he could be with him for a long while.
He shared that what is very important is that a couple must know the essential fundamentals that they personally need in a relationship, i.e the non-negotiables. For him, it's the way finances are handled and the type of environment he wants to retire in. It sounds like very trivial issues but he says these are really important.
He was rather pragmatic about things. One thing that he said that resonated with me was what he said that people shouldn't hold on to a relationship just because they don't want to be alone. He even said that if there comes one day when his partner decides that he doesn't love him anymore, he would rather the partner go than to stay on.
we spoke about coming out, and his journey in coming out to his parents, very conservative christian parents who are elders in the church they had been worshipping at since he was young.
On another note, one of the gals was sharing about how her sister was most concerned about was her giving up God. She told her sister it's no fight between God and being in a gay relationship. i hope her gf didn't feel anything about that.
I guess that's one reason why I would really appreciate about a gf who believes in the same kind of God I believe in.. that if one day, God tells us both really clearly to let go of each other and follow Him, that regardless how much we love each other and find it very hard to let go, we would listen and follow because we both know that what is on earth is temporal but what is in heaven is eternal, that it matters to both of us to be able to see each other in eternity.
There. This was edited from about 2 months ago :P.
I kinda miss China. This is crazy.
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A day of lessons
I made that mistake once, and I made the same mistake again. And I guess God has to knock me harder this time so I can finally learn.
I was very thankful for H, who's honest enough with me regarding what she feels about what I wrote to A. And I thank God for her honesty. Knowing that I had done something that wasn't right made me very embarrassed of course, but I thank God for her because of the manner in which she shared her opinions with me, which kinda made it easier for me to receive what she said.
1) I didn't have to make conclusions about what she did. For constructive purposes, I should have just stated how I felt about what she did or didn't do to me and how it affects me and not bring other situations non-relating to me into the picture.
I agree with that. I shouldn't have exercised my judgement on her. It might just cause her to be more defensive and not help the situation one bit.
2) I need not spell her name out and posted the letter on blogspot.
My explanation for this is that it would be good to update those who have been praying about this matter. But yep. I also agree it is not good to put this on public domain although none of those who knows her would get to read about this. Anyway, the entry has been taken down.
3) The end of the email was kinda abrupt and didn't indicate any avenue for a follow up.
Yep. I am going to follow up with another email to her to apologize with the judgement part and also to ask to speak about it if she likes.
4) I could have placed myself in her shoes and seen that the reason why she said the things she said to me was because she had too much on her plate and couldn't understand why people could do work at a slower pace and that she cared too much to not make a fuss about things.
All true. Sigh. This passed over my mind once or twice before, but I guess I was too consumed about how I felt that I couldn't have a bigger heart to accept that.
It was all too humbling for me. Today is a day of lessons for me, from the sermon in the morning, to the conversation with H about this matter, to learning the evangecube in mandarin, to learning how to play the TWISTER game for real, to learning servanthood from my DG members, to learning about the power of the holy spirit, to learning how powerful prayers are to heal and make things better, to learning how God speaks through about anywhere and anyone as long as my heart is ready to receive.
I just pray that I become a better person everyday.
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I was very thankful for H, who's honest enough with me regarding what she feels about what I wrote to A. And I thank God for her honesty. Knowing that I had done something that wasn't right made me very embarrassed of course, but I thank God for her because of the manner in which she shared her opinions with me, which kinda made it easier for me to receive what she said.
1) I didn't have to make conclusions about what she did. For constructive purposes, I should have just stated how I felt about what she did or didn't do to me and how it affects me and not bring other situations non-relating to me into the picture.
I agree with that. I shouldn't have exercised my judgement on her. It might just cause her to be more defensive and not help the situation one bit.
2) I need not spell her name out and posted the letter on blogspot.
My explanation for this is that it would be good to update those who have been praying about this matter. But yep. I also agree it is not good to put this on public domain although none of those who knows her would get to read about this. Anyway, the entry has been taken down.
3) The end of the email was kinda abrupt and didn't indicate any avenue for a follow up.
Yep. I am going to follow up with another email to her to apologize with the judgement part and also to ask to speak about it if she likes.
4) I could have placed myself in her shoes and seen that the reason why she said the things she said to me was because she had too much on her plate and couldn't understand why people could do work at a slower pace and that she cared too much to not make a fuss about things.
All true. Sigh. This passed over my mind once or twice before, but I guess I was too consumed about how I felt that I couldn't have a bigger heart to accept that.
It was all too humbling for me. Today is a day of lessons for me, from the sermon in the morning, to the conversation with H about this matter, to learning the evangecube in mandarin, to learning how to play the TWISTER game for real, to learning servanthood from my DG members, to learning about the power of the holy spirit, to learning how powerful prayers are to heal and make things better, to learning how God speaks through about anywhere and anyone as long as my heart is ready to receive.
I just pray that I become a better person everyday.
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Friday, November 21, 2008
LALALA
wow.
The triune God; the Creator, the Redeemer, the Sanctifier.
God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
So beautiful.
wow.
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The triune God; the Creator, the Redeemer, the Sanctifier.
God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit.
So beautiful.
wow.
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Jonah 4 + Malachi 1
Just today, while still busying myself sorting out stuff at my new workstation, along with consolidating the Farewell Night feedback and file to hand over to the new teacher-in-charge, and lots of other stuff, I kept being reminded that I have yet translate my testimony in mandarin properly, and I have yet to learn the evangecube in mandarin too. On top of that, I got to prepare resources for teaching for the mission trip, and also plan out the worship schedule and prepare the worship songs and songsheets, all before I leave for Perth this Thursday.
I was lamenting silently about the decision of going for this mission trip because honestly, as i have shared before. Missions is not in my heart. I do not mind going for mission trips, but I just do not have that burning desire for missions. Somewhere along the line, I can't feel that same heartbeat as the Lord's.
While using the Mission 100 devotional in preparation for this Sunday's meeting, I was led to read Jonah 4, where Jonah was more concerned about justice being done than the salvation of the 120 000 peeps in Nineveh. So take the Jonah out of me and let me feel in my heart the importance of missions, that is what the Lord led me to pray, remembering ultimately, that missions is ultimately the work of God, not us, that we are privileged to be called to serve in this manner.
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I was lamenting silently about the decision of going for this mission trip because honestly, as i have shared before. Missions is not in my heart. I do not mind going for mission trips, but I just do not have that burning desire for missions. Somewhere along the line, I can't feel that same heartbeat as the Lord's.
While using the Mission 100 devotional in preparation for this Sunday's meeting, I was led to read Jonah 4, where Jonah was more concerned about justice being done than the salvation of the 120 000 peeps in Nineveh. So take the Jonah out of me and let me feel in my heart the importance of missions, that is what the Lord led me to pray, remembering ultimately, that missions is ultimately the work of God, not us, that we are privileged to be called to serve in this manner.
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Song for zee evening
Come Holy Spirit - CIty Harvest Church
Come holy spirit, fall on me now
I need your anointing, come in your power
I love you holy spirit
You are captivating my soul
and everyday I grow to love you more
I'm reaching for your heart
You hold my life in your hand
Drawing me closer
I feel your power renew
nothing compares to this place
where i can see you face to face
I worship you in spirit and in truth
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Come holy spirit, fall on me now
I need your anointing, come in your power
I love you holy spirit
You are captivating my soul
and everyday I grow to love you more
I'm reaching for your heart
You hold my life in your hand
Drawing me closer
I feel your power renew
nothing compares to this place
where i can see you face to face
I worship you in spirit and in truth
.
I like to smell nice!
the banks are really stepping up on sending blank cheques eh. I just received 2 in the mail today.
i thought my hair was too long, my sister didn't think so.
I thought I needed to touch up on the colour because my hair had grown about 2cm (which could be seen from the black part growing out from the scalp), she thought I just coloured and rebonded my hair.
Anywayz, the conclusion was that she thought my hair was pretty. LOL. But of course, she wouldn't tell me that directly. I implied that from the comments she made.
She's quite antagonistic lor. I wanted to retaliate while I was in the car with her. But thankfully worship music was on, so I just sang along instead of continuing the unpleasant conversation with her(not about the hair part).
I sent the email to A already.
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i thought my hair was too long, my sister didn't think so.
I thought I needed to touch up on the colour because my hair had grown about 2cm (which could be seen from the black part growing out from the scalp), she thought I just coloured and rebonded my hair.
Anywayz, the conclusion was that she thought my hair was pretty. LOL. But of course, she wouldn't tell me that directly. I implied that from the comments she made.
She's quite antagonistic lor. I wanted to retaliate while I was in the car with her. But thankfully worship music was on, so I just sang along instead of continuing the unpleasant conversation with her(not about the hair part).
I sent the email to A already.
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real real real randoms ...
James Bond Quantam of Solace is so boring.
I want to watch more movies.
My Reporting Officer (supervisor) paid for our popcorn (sweet only) & my root beer. So sweet.
I miss my students already.
I so regretted not buying magnets when I travelled last time. Sigh. All the magnets of the great (and expensive places) I had been to.
I really need to start practising my testimony in Mandarin. As well as the Evangecube.
We had ice wine today. P6 chers cheered and cheered for all the things in 2008. Great team to work with!
Our P6 Head of Level giving us a treat @ Equinox ( I should be letting them use my 50% off voucher, unless my other colleague offers. He signed up for Amex Card and also holds that same voucher. )
I had good peking duck crepe plus wonderful catch up over dinner. Fun.
And coincidental meet up lor. If I didn't know better, I thought i was stalked!
My stiff neck comes every morning when I wake up. Bleah.
I suffered from motion sickness today.
I officially shifted my stuff to my new workstation, and packed my stuff. My workstation is branded-new and springed-clean.
I was irritated with mum over money matters.
My sister got a parking summon,which she didn't remove from the windscreen of the car, and which I didn't see till after 15 minutes of driving.
Tomorrow will be a good day, simply because He loves me.
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I want to watch more movies.
My Reporting Officer (supervisor) paid for our popcorn (sweet only) & my root beer. So sweet.
I miss my students already.
I so regretted not buying magnets when I travelled last time. Sigh. All the magnets of the great (and expensive places) I had been to.
I really need to start practising my testimony in Mandarin. As well as the Evangecube.
We had ice wine today. P6 chers cheered and cheered for all the things in 2008. Great team to work with!
Our P6 Head of Level giving us a treat @ Equinox ( I should be letting them use my 50% off voucher, unless my other colleague offers. He signed up for Amex Card and also holds that same voucher. )
I had good peking duck crepe plus wonderful catch up over dinner. Fun.
And coincidental meet up lor. If I didn't know better, I thought i was stalked!
My stiff neck comes every morning when I wake up. Bleah.
I suffered from motion sickness today.
I officially shifted my stuff to my new workstation, and packed my stuff. My workstation is branded-new and springed-clean.
I was irritated with mum over money matters.
My sister got a parking summon,which she didn't remove from the windscreen of the car, and which I didn't see till after 15 minutes of driving.
Tomorrow will be a good day, simply because He loves me.
.
real randoms now - Berry berry good=thank God
I am hungry. Right @ this moment :)
I have no idea why I am so into chocolate these days.
my kids did well :) All of them got to go to Secondary schools. My English Class had 2As, 19Bs and 15Cs for English. NO failures! :) Berry berry good.
My tuition kid who used to score C-D for his English and Science scored As for both subjects. :)Berry berry good.
I had 5 Boost from my students only to be informed just now that Boost is being recalled. I checked. Thank God it is Boost Nuts. Not the original Boost.
When parents cried for joy because their kid passed the PSLE, I also feel like crying. Touched.
Today is a good closure to the year. Yipee. I give thanks for His grace and faithfulness in my life once again.
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I have no idea why I am so into chocolate these days.
my kids did well :) All of them got to go to Secondary schools. My English Class had 2As, 19Bs and 15Cs for English. NO failures! :) Berry berry good.
My tuition kid who used to score C-D for his English and Science scored As for both subjects. :)Berry berry good.
I had 5 Boost from my students only to be informed just now that Boost is being recalled. I checked. Thank God it is Boost Nuts. Not the original Boost.
When parents cried for joy because their kid passed the PSLE, I also feel like crying. Touched.
Today is a good closure to the year. Yipee. I give thanks for His grace and faithfulness in my life once again.
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Ezer
me too tired to blog an essay. Some random thoughts for the past few days:
ezer leaves me deep in thoughts almost everytime, and the thoughts are not necessarily good. I am trying to figure out where God is in the midst of the discussion. I am trying to figure out what God wants me to learn through the sessions. The only thing that comes to mind right now, is that conventional christianity is no longer the in thing of this season. It is radical christianity that is, but I am not very sure, whether the discussion that goes on during ezer is beneficial or edifying to everyone/most people who attends..
I don't feel particularly edified and encouraged but I do feel the need to dig deeper into what I believe in because those "cliche" answers do not work for some of them, regardless of whether the experiences I have with God is real or life changing. And I can understand why.
Oh dear, reminds me of what Pastor preached the previous Sunday, about the need for the thorns in our lives so that they will drive us to desperation and then cause us to fix our eyes back on the cross again. Maybe He thinks I got to stop being happy and contented in His presence and get back to Earth to settle real things! :)
Aiya, I really didn't intend to write so much. I just went with the flow.
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ezer leaves me deep in thoughts almost everytime, and the thoughts are not necessarily good. I am trying to figure out where God is in the midst of the discussion. I am trying to figure out what God wants me to learn through the sessions. The only thing that comes to mind right now, is that conventional christianity is no longer the in thing of this season. It is radical christianity that is, but I am not very sure, whether the discussion that goes on during ezer is beneficial or edifying to everyone/most people who attends..
I don't feel particularly edified and encouraged but I do feel the need to dig deeper into what I believe in because those "cliche" answers do not work for some of them, regardless of whether the experiences I have with God is real or life changing. And I can understand why.
Oh dear, reminds me of what Pastor preached the previous Sunday, about the need for the thorns in our lives so that they will drive us to desperation and then cause us to fix our eyes back on the cross again. Maybe He thinks I got to stop being happy and contented in His presence and get back to Earth to settle real things! :)
Aiya, I really didn't intend to write so much. I just went with the flow.
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Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I don't like to sound like a teacher
I really don't. I was telling my ex when we were still classmates 11 years ago, that I will never want to speak like a teacher.
While recounting to SE an unpleasant conversation between another friend and I, where I told SE the exact words my friend and I said to each other, SE asked me to stop speaking like a teacher. :( sigh.. I don't like.
Then I was chatting with another friend, before we left the conversation, she said, "yes Miss See" and "yes mam", I asked if I sounded like a teacher. She said a lil. :( I don't like. She said it's prolly occupational hazard.
I feel frustrated because I know it carries into my personal life. And I really don't like it. Already as it is, I am not as teacher as other teachers, but there's still that teachery tone.
Maybe it's not the tone, but the things that are said? I really don't know. Lord. I don't want to sound like a teacher. Help help help.
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While recounting to SE an unpleasant conversation between another friend and I, where I told SE the exact words my friend and I said to each other, SE asked me to stop speaking like a teacher. :( sigh.. I don't like.
Then I was chatting with another friend, before we left the conversation, she said, "yes Miss See" and "yes mam", I asked if I sounded like a teacher. She said a lil. :( I don't like. She said it's prolly occupational hazard.
I feel frustrated because I know it carries into my personal life. And I really don't like it. Already as it is, I am not as teacher as other teachers, but there's still that teachery tone.
Maybe it's not the tone, but the things that are said? I really don't know. Lord. I don't want to sound like a teacher. Help help help.
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Tuesday, November 18, 2008
what i have been up to
1) Staff meeting
2) 2008 Dept review meeting (level meetings)
3) 2009 Work plan meeting (level meetings)
4) Pack and clean up my workstation and then shifting my stuff to another workstation
5) Getting info from the HE coordinator about her role
6) Preparing songs for worship
7) Stocktaking for P6 English Resources
8) Doing the Assessment and Review for Farewell Night
9) Packing, packing and more packing
10)Throwing away stuff
11)English Dept meeting
12)PE dept Meeting
13)HE dept meeting
14) Special Committee meeting
15) Vetting School Magazine Articles
16)Preparing for Mission Trip stuff
17) Learning how to share the Evangecube in Mandarin
18) Learning to share my testimony in Mandarin
We are going to play netball and volleyball as a school tomorrow. That will be followed by a movie at Lot 1. 93 tickets were bought. If someone doesn't like us teachers, they can just bomb that 1 cinema, and CPS will cease to exist for a while. heh. Team bonding time!
Thursday- PSLE results will be released and we will be busy with the admin stuff relating to that.
Friday - Continue meetings and stuff
Next week (Mon-Wed): On duty for P6 students applying for their Sec Schools.
Thursday - Ozzieland!!!!!!
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2) 2008 Dept review meeting (level meetings)
3) 2009 Work plan meeting (level meetings)
4) Pack and clean up my workstation and then shifting my stuff to another workstation
5) Getting info from the HE coordinator about her role
6) Preparing songs for worship
7) Stocktaking for P6 English Resources
8) Doing the Assessment and Review for Farewell Night
9) Packing, packing and more packing
10)Throwing away stuff
11)English Dept meeting
12)PE dept Meeting
13)HE dept meeting
14) Special Committee meeting
15) Vetting School Magazine Articles
16)Preparing for Mission Trip stuff
17) Learning how to share the Evangecube in Mandarin
18) Learning to share my testimony in Mandarin
We are going to play netball and volleyball as a school tomorrow. That will be followed by a movie at Lot 1. 93 tickets were bought. If someone doesn't like us teachers, they can just bomb that 1 cinema, and CPS will cease to exist for a while. heh. Team bonding time!
Thursday- PSLE results will be released and we will be busy with the admin stuff relating to that.
Friday - Continue meetings and stuff
Next week (Mon-Wed): On duty for P6 students applying for their Sec Schools.
Thursday - Ozzieland!!!!!!
.
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Monday, November 17, 2008
Sang in FCC before.
Beautiful Saviour - Planetshakers
http://www.imeem.com/cuteplant23/music/P0QYlpLr/planetshakers_beautiful_saviour/?rel=1
Jesus, Beautiful Saviour,
God of all Majesty,
Risen king,
Lamb of God,
Holy and righteous,
Blessed redeemer,
Bright morning star
All the heavens shout your praise,
All creation bow to worship You
How wonderful, how beautiful,
Name above every name, exalted high
How wonderful, how beautiful,
Jesus your name, name above every name, Jesus
I will sing forever, Jesus I love you, Jesus I love you
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http://www.imeem.com/cuteplant23/music/P0QYlpLr/planetshakers_beautiful_saviour/?rel=1
Jesus, Beautiful Saviour,
God of all Majesty,
Risen king,
Lamb of God,
Holy and righteous,
Blessed redeemer,
Bright morning star
All the heavens shout your praise,
All creation bow to worship You
How wonderful, how beautiful,
Name above every name, exalted high
How wonderful, how beautiful,
Jesus your name, name above every name, Jesus
I will sing forever, Jesus I love you, Jesus I love you
.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
today's dialogue session @ FCC
One of the gals asked me how I found the session. I simply told her that there wasn't enough time to talk about how to resolve the issues as a conclusion to the purpose of having the talk in the first place. It was a good idea that SL suggested to meet up another time to do that.
The purpose of the talk was how to enhance the presence of women in FCC. I didn't have a problem with the presence of women in church because I felt there was nothing much we could do about it. I think the root of the problem comes from how people perceive and receive the sermons and hence the decision to stay on at FCC or get their spiritual food elsewhere.
I guess what FCC or whoever has a problem with the lack of presence of women in the church has to determine what they want. Is their purpose to retain the current number of women in the church? Is their purpose to get gals from CGs to attend FCC ? Is their purpose to get other women to attend FCC? There are different solutions to all situations, as in I have not yet thought about how we can compromise to make everyone happy.
The way I see it, gals who are attending FCC either are very happy with the way the sermons are or that they are serving in some capacity but getting their spiritual food elsewhere, which explains why they do not attend FCC every week. For some gals who are getting adequately fed from the sermons, changing the content and depth of sermons may not appeal to them.
The way I know it, gals who attend CG but not the service @ FCC either have their commitments to their own church or that they find themselves not sufficiently fed @ FCC but a conflict in their own church's service timings with that of FCC does not enable them to attend both services. So the only way they will be @ FCC is when they feed sufficiently fed @ FCC. Sure, there is some level of personal responsibility in being more proactive in getting one's spiritual food other than church, but in this busy busy world, they must either have the conviction that FCC is the church that they are called to serve in, or they must be given time to feel belonged to FCC.
Everyone has their personal journey, just like mine. I started with just attending CG. As I feel more @ home @ FCC, I want to appear more in FCC. It used to be just for lunch with the gals, but of late, especially after having a conversation with CM, I decided to make is a more deliberate decision to rush down to FCC after Covenant's 9a.m. service. There is a need to hear what is preached at FCC to address certain issues that may come up during CG.
As for bringing new people to church, there are 2 issues relating to that. One is the way they receive the sermons which determines whether they will stay at FCC. THe other is how welcomed they feel when they come to FCC. For me, the reason why I would want to come to FCC is because I want to be able to be myself and am able to be real and authentic which facilitates honest sharing too. Other than that, I would want everything else to be ceteris paribus, as in with the theology.
Sometimes I think the gals who come to FCC are looking for a place for support without compromising on their desire to grow in their walk with God, then FCC would prolly not be the place they would think about settling down in if what they get from the sermons are not what they are used to hearing. I do think though, that if they stick around a bit more, the feeling of being @ home might influence that decision a lil.
I have brought some peeps to FCC, and I had spoken to people who had been to FCC. And the reason why most of them do not come back, was either because the depth of the sermons was not to their liking, or that the content preached was not to their comfort. There. I think if FCC wants women to have more visibility in church, they should deal with this; the sermons.
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The purpose of the talk was how to enhance the presence of women in FCC. I didn't have a problem with the presence of women in church because I felt there was nothing much we could do about it. I think the root of the problem comes from how people perceive and receive the sermons and hence the decision to stay on at FCC or get their spiritual food elsewhere.
I guess what FCC or whoever has a problem with the lack of presence of women in the church has to determine what they want. Is their purpose to retain the current number of women in the church? Is their purpose to get gals from CGs to attend FCC ? Is their purpose to get other women to attend FCC? There are different solutions to all situations, as in I have not yet thought about how we can compromise to make everyone happy.
The way I see it, gals who are attending FCC either are very happy with the way the sermons are or that they are serving in some capacity but getting their spiritual food elsewhere, which explains why they do not attend FCC every week. For some gals who are getting adequately fed from the sermons, changing the content and depth of sermons may not appeal to them.
The way I know it, gals who attend CG but not the service @ FCC either have their commitments to their own church or that they find themselves not sufficiently fed @ FCC but a conflict in their own church's service timings with that of FCC does not enable them to attend both services. So the only way they will be @ FCC is when they feed sufficiently fed @ FCC. Sure, there is some level of personal responsibility in being more proactive in getting one's spiritual food other than church, but in this busy busy world, they must either have the conviction that FCC is the church that they are called to serve in, or they must be given time to feel belonged to FCC.
Everyone has their personal journey, just like mine. I started with just attending CG. As I feel more @ home @ FCC, I want to appear more in FCC. It used to be just for lunch with the gals, but of late, especially after having a conversation with CM, I decided to make is a more deliberate decision to rush down to FCC after Covenant's 9a.m. service. There is a need to hear what is preached at FCC to address certain issues that may come up during CG.
As for bringing new people to church, there are 2 issues relating to that. One is the way they receive the sermons which determines whether they will stay at FCC. THe other is how welcomed they feel when they come to FCC. For me, the reason why I would want to come to FCC is because I want to be able to be myself and am able to be real and authentic which facilitates honest sharing too. Other than that, I would want everything else to be ceteris paribus, as in with the theology.
Sometimes I think the gals who come to FCC are looking for a place for support without compromising on their desire to grow in their walk with God, then FCC would prolly not be the place they would think about settling down in if what they get from the sermons are not what they are used to hearing. I do think though, that if they stick around a bit more, the feeling of being @ home might influence that decision a lil.
I have brought some peeps to FCC, and I had spoken to people who had been to FCC. And the reason why most of them do not come back, was either because the depth of the sermons was not to their liking, or that the content preached was not to their comfort. There. I think if FCC wants women to have more visibility in church, they should deal with this; the sermons.
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my friend managed to find it :)
http://www.imeem.com/people/fb2sZNT/music/Xbc8R019/klaus_kuehn_elizabeth_clark_so_beautiful/
I am happy :)
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I am happy :)
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Saturday, November 15, 2008
Pro-Govt Advice
there are too many articles in the papers encouraging spending to boost the economy. I shall help. I am looking at the new CFN (Church for the Nations) worship album. That should be good! It has been a long time I bought a CD for myself. :)
http://www.cfnmusic.com/ecard/
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http://www.cfnmusic.com/ecard/
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post honeymoon blues
This might sound like a jaded and discouraging post, but I shall just post it anyway.
I received a text message from a dear old friend a week ago and she was sharing with me her struggles with her current gf.. What she shared, were very very real issues and it doesn't seem that either of them is at a bigger fault than the other. I guess I gave thanks then, that I am single still because, honestly, I don't think I can handle this sort of stress at this point in time. Maybe that's why it's difficult for me to even date someone exclusively right now. I am just not ready.
I remmebered when they first got together, how sweet things were between them. Then I thought about other couples too, and what I hear from them about things being sweet at the beginning until problems start to appear. big problems which lead to big quarrels which sometimes lead to a breakdown in the relationship. Ordinarily, I would end off this sort of post by saying that it all boils down to meeting in between, being able to compromise and give in, and that after the struggling stage, that the relationship will take off to a new level, and both people in the relationship will be more stable and happier. So cliche hor.
I guess deep down, I wish this was so.. but I do not have as much confidence as before to believe that as much now.
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I received a text message from a dear old friend a week ago and she was sharing with me her struggles with her current gf.. What she shared, were very very real issues and it doesn't seem that either of them is at a bigger fault than the other. I guess I gave thanks then, that I am single still because, honestly, I don't think I can handle this sort of stress at this point in time. Maybe that's why it's difficult for me to even date someone exclusively right now. I am just not ready.
I remmebered when they first got together, how sweet things were between them. Then I thought about other couples too, and what I hear from them about things being sweet at the beginning until problems start to appear. big problems which lead to big quarrels which sometimes lead to a breakdown in the relationship. Ordinarily, I would end off this sort of post by saying that it all boils down to meeting in between, being able to compromise and give in, and that after the struggling stage, that the relationship will take off to a new level, and both people in the relationship will be more stable and happier. So cliche hor.
I guess deep down, I wish this was so.. but I do not have as much confidence as before to believe that as much now.
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I played this song till my fingertips feel raw
I posted this on Multiply too, and a friend who lives in texas just told me that Klaus lives just 5 minutes from her, that she teaches his daughter piano and that he is very anointed and that I should check out his other CFN recordings. I should. I think this song is so so so lovely.
One of the songs for CG this tuesday :)
SO BEAUTIFUL by: Klaus Kuehn, Elizabeth Clark & Christina Byers
(VERSE 1)
You are so beautiful! There is none that compares to You,
Who can take my brokenness, and make something new? Only You
(CHORUS)
You’re beautiful to me. You will be my song for all eternity
You’re overtaking every part of me. You’re beautiful to me.
(VERSE 2)
Merciful Father, There is none that compares to You
Who can take my bitterness and make something sweet? Only You
(BRIDGE)
And I am left in awe of You
And I am left in awe of You
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One of the songs for CG this tuesday :)
SO BEAUTIFUL by: Klaus Kuehn, Elizabeth Clark & Christina Byers
(VERSE 1)
You are so beautiful! There is none that compares to You,
Who can take my brokenness, and make something new? Only You
(CHORUS)
You’re beautiful to me. You will be my song for all eternity
You’re overtaking every part of me. You’re beautiful to me.
(VERSE 2)
Merciful Father, There is none that compares to You
Who can take my bitterness and make something sweet? Only You
(BRIDGE)
And I am left in awe of You
And I am left in awe of You
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taking deep breaths
While I am talking to an old friend over msn, I feel like I need to release my frustration. She's really bitter.. with lots of baggages, and she blames God for everything good that people have that she doesn't. And blah blah blah.. very negative... And she's very antagonistic lor... She speaks in a way that makes me feel like retaliating sometimes.. I am irritated hearing her out, yet I can see how much she needs to be liberated from her baggages, and feel loved so she will feel better...
argh...................................................ok.. i feel better already. Pray pray pray..
Contentment is great gain. Actually the bible says that Contentment and Godliness is great gain. Not just contentment.
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argh...................................................ok.. i feel better already. Pray pray pray..
Contentment is great gain. Actually the bible says that Contentment and Godliness is great gain. Not just contentment.
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Friday, November 14, 2008
Lesson for today: Look Far. Look beyond results.
Verse from Luke 10:20
"Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."
I find that many times, I feel pleased because of how everything turns out well and I know it's also due to the prayer requests made and I thank God for that, I thank Him for answering prayers. But this verse helps me direct my eyes to what should be the thing I should look to, and that is what is happening in the heavens, that how I should look to the approval of Jesus, seated at the right hand of God. I know this sounds abstract but that is all I can come up with at the moment.
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"Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."
I find that many times, I feel pleased because of how everything turns out well and I know it's also due to the prayer requests made and I thank God for that, I thank Him for answering prayers. But this verse helps me direct my eyes to what should be the thing I should look to, and that is what is happening in the heavens, that how I should look to the approval of Jesus, seated at the right hand of God. I know this sounds abstract but that is all I can come up with at the moment.
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A Question:
Is it wrong to be closeted, even if it is not for work purpose?
My personal take is that we should let people take their time in deciding how and when they wanna come out if they do want to come out. It's a journey, I guess. And some people do take a long while longer than others. And some people might be closeted all their lives.
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My personal take is that we should let people take their time in deciding how and when they wanna come out if they do want to come out. It's a journey, I guess. And some people do take a long while longer than others. And some people might be closeted all their lives.
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Farewell Night
It's over!!! And I got to drink to celebrate! I drank a bottle of Heineken, a lychee martini and half a shot ( I resisted the other half because I was driving and I didn't want to go home any later because of the need to get rid of the alcohol in the body).
Went to Boiler with S and J. It was fun! I think it felt more fun because I was feeling really relaxed. :) I don't mind doing this again!
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Went to Boiler with S and J. It was fun! I think it felt more fun because I was feeling really relaxed. :) I don't mind doing this again!
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Matchmaking Opportunities and what I really like
Do I look or seem like the kind of person who looks for someone successful, accomplished, driven, financially stable to be a partner? :)
It's funny. This dear friend of mine, who either is anxious that I am old and lonely, or that she just enjoys playing the matchmaker, was suggesting someone I should date for the 2nd time already.
This is how the first one sounds like:
Hey. I got a friend from facebook. She saw your photo and is interested in getting to know you better. How about chatting with her? She's also a christian, she's in the States for another 2 years. High flyer, very successful, very nice. Blah blah blah. Many more things.
This is how the second one sounds like:
I have a friend. Applications are open. She's very successful, very accomplished, a writer, but now a pub owner too. She's very driven and passionate about her work, quite cool looking. blah blah blah.
I am just amused she mentioned qualities that got to do with material stuff before moving on to other qualities which are somewhat related to the financial stability of the person, like that is something that is most important in a partner. :) But I am not attracted to that, though I think being financially stable and being wise about finances is important. Maybe that's important for her, but not me.
I like someone with a heart who loves God and the things of God, I like someone open to being changed for the better. I like someone with a pure heart. I like someone who has a lot of love, not just for me, but for the people around. I like someone wise and mature, yet able to play at the same time. I like someone who is expressive, someone who speaks well, someone who uses words well, for the benefit of others, not for manipulative purposes. I like someone I can have a 2-way conversation with. I like someone I can share my heart with and likewise someone who lets herself be vulnerable enough to share her heart with me. I like someone who is open to falling in love when the time is right. I like someone who's gentle as opposed to someone who's agressive. I like someone who encourages and helps me in being a better person.
I better stop. :p
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It's funny. This dear friend of mine, who either is anxious that I am old and lonely, or that she just enjoys playing the matchmaker, was suggesting someone I should date for the 2nd time already.
This is how the first one sounds like:
Hey. I got a friend from facebook. She saw your photo and is interested in getting to know you better. How about chatting with her? She's also a christian, she's in the States for another 2 years. High flyer, very successful, very nice. Blah blah blah. Many more things.
This is how the second one sounds like:
I have a friend. Applications are open. She's very successful, very accomplished, a writer, but now a pub owner too. She's very driven and passionate about her work, quite cool looking. blah blah blah.
I am just amused she mentioned qualities that got to do with material stuff before moving on to other qualities which are somewhat related to the financial stability of the person, like that is something that is most important in a partner. :) But I am not attracted to that, though I think being financially stable and being wise about finances is important. Maybe that's important for her, but not me.
I like someone with a heart who loves God and the things of God, I like someone open to being changed for the better. I like someone with a pure heart. I like someone who has a lot of love, not just for me, but for the people around. I like someone wise and mature, yet able to play at the same time. I like someone who is expressive, someone who speaks well, someone who uses words well, for the benefit of others, not for manipulative purposes. I like someone I can have a 2-way conversation with. I like someone I can share my heart with and likewise someone who lets herself be vulnerable enough to share her heart with me. I like someone who is open to falling in love when the time is right. I like someone who's gentle as opposed to someone who's agressive. I like someone who encourages and helps me in being a better person.
I better stop. :p
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Exciting 2009
This is my portfolio for next year:
1) P5 English Teacher
2) P2,5 and 6 PE teacher
3) Health Education Coordinator
4) English Level Rep
5) Netball CCA Overall-in-charge
6) Plus all the projects I will be overall-in-charged of which I will know of in the next few days.
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1) P5 English Teacher
2) P2,5 and 6 PE teacher
3) Health Education Coordinator
4) English Level Rep
5) Netball CCA Overall-in-charge
6) Plus all the projects I will be overall-in-charged of which I will know of in the next few days.
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Wednesday, November 12, 2008
what people think..
my P thinks I am very unhappening. :) She knows I spend a lot of time with church activities, so when I expressed that I needed a break from the 7a.m. routine, she asked me to go out and have fun and start dating. She asked if I am dating, I said on and off. Then she asked me to go out and have fun when I am still young and blah blah blah. At first, I thought she was encouraging marriage so I will be tied down by financial commitment, but she said she doesnt believe in marriage (though she's married herself). I told her I am having fun. haha..
I was caught in another " let me introduce you to someone" situation again. Too sleepy to write more. Tomorrow. CG was great as usual. Laterz...
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I was caught in another " let me introduce you to someone" situation again. Too sleepy to write more. Tomorrow. CG was great as usual. Laterz...
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Tuesday, November 11, 2008
writing this because I got no one to talk to at the moment..
I remembered my dream!
J (The J in BKK) was talking to me in FCC. She was wearing a white shirt. I was sharing what I learnt in church, then she asked me,"What's your application?" She said she reads my blog about what I write about what I have learnt, but she asked me ( I seem to remember in a very fierce tone) "How do you apply this in your life?"
Geez. So scary. But J seems to have mellowed leh. Missed her bubbly self. :)
But yeh. It's important to be able to apply what we read from the bible. Or what God is saying to us through the insights we glean. And His revelations. hmm.. and the purpose of the dream is......? Think God is speaking to me.
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J (The J in BKK) was talking to me in FCC. She was wearing a white shirt. I was sharing what I learnt in church, then she asked me,"What's your application?" She said she reads my blog about what I write about what I have learnt, but she asked me ( I seem to remember in a very fierce tone) "How do you apply this in your life?"
Geez. So scary. But J seems to have mellowed leh. Missed her bubbly self. :)
But yeh. It's important to be able to apply what we read from the bible. Or what God is saying to us through the insights we glean. And His revelations. hmm.. and the purpose of the dream is......? Think God is speaking to me.
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news update
oh guess what. I just received some update about the 3rd heavenly king.
Apparently, he works best alone. And I was advised to get someone to hold his hand when he needs to go to the toilet so he doesn't do things like jump down from the building. I also heard that he is hyper hyperactive.
ANd guess what, the current HE coordinator told me that many projects have come in and she had better sit down with me and decide which to take up and which not to.
Sounds like an exciting 2009 ahead eh?
I think I can't take too much turbulence in other aspects of my life next year. I should get married soon.
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Apparently, he works best alone. And I was advised to get someone to hold his hand when he needs to go to the toilet so he doesn't do things like jump down from the building. I also heard that he is hyper hyperactive.
ANd guess what, the current HE coordinator told me that many projects have come in and she had better sit down with me and decide which to take up and which not to.
Sounds like an exciting 2009 ahead eh?
I think I can't take too much turbulence in other aspects of my life next year. I should get married soon.
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Monday, November 10, 2008
2 biiiiiiiggggggg baaaaddddd news....
I so need a drink.
I am internally appointed as the Health Education Coordinator.
That is not good news because that means no more oily fried food and no more bubble tea.
More importantly, it means more work. And prolly more meetings and the need to come up with some project or campaign that comes along with the title.
I have already indicated to my P and my RO that I am happy status quo, that I am not ambitious, and that I do not wish to climb the ladder, and that's the reason why I am happy with just being a teacher, nothing else.
Obviously, the management and leadership do not go with the culture of asking if someone wants to take up leadership positions or not. They just give.
Big sigh.
I really appreciate my free time to do other stuff non work related.
And then.... I learnt that I inherited a Low Ability Class with the infamous 4 heavenly kings, the worst in the level so I heard.
2 of them do everything together. They are inseparable. They jumped down from the 2nd storey of the building together, they vandalise cars together, they bully each other, they bully others together.. and blah blah blah.. And they are just 10 this year. WHy do they still put them together in the same class?
It is not so much teaching a low ability class that is disturbing. At the best, they will be attentive and they would want to learn. But most of the time, they are not interested in learning, and with the 4 notorious boys disrupting the class in the middle of lessons, I foresee a year of challenges. Difficult challenges.
It is at times like this, i am reminded to hold on to the promises of God, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And that I am MORE THAN a conqueror, not just a conqueror, but more than a conqueror in Him. ARGH....
I believe everything happens for a reason. And I would know next year what the reason is. I just wait in fear and trembling. Maybe that's the point of the sermon on Sunday. His grace is sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
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I am internally appointed as the Health Education Coordinator.
That is not good news because that means no more oily fried food and no more bubble tea.
More importantly, it means more work. And prolly more meetings and the need to come up with some project or campaign that comes along with the title.
I have already indicated to my P and my RO that I am happy status quo, that I am not ambitious, and that I do not wish to climb the ladder, and that's the reason why I am happy with just being a teacher, nothing else.
Obviously, the management and leadership do not go with the culture of asking if someone wants to take up leadership positions or not. They just give.
Big sigh.
I really appreciate my free time to do other stuff non work related.
And then.... I learnt that I inherited a Low Ability Class with the infamous 4 heavenly kings, the worst in the level so I heard.
2 of them do everything together. They are inseparable. They jumped down from the 2nd storey of the building together, they vandalise cars together, they bully each other, they bully others together.. and blah blah blah.. And they are just 10 this year. WHy do they still put them together in the same class?
It is not so much teaching a low ability class that is disturbing. At the best, they will be attentive and they would want to learn. But most of the time, they are not interested in learning, and with the 4 notorious boys disrupting the class in the middle of lessons, I foresee a year of challenges. Difficult challenges.
It is at times like this, i am reminded to hold on to the promises of God, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. And that I am MORE THAN a conqueror, not just a conqueror, but more than a conqueror in Him. ARGH....
I believe everything happens for a reason. And I would know next year what the reason is. I just wait in fear and trembling. Maybe that's the point of the sermon on Sunday. His grace is sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
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Sunday, November 9, 2008
I was right...
but being right doesn't mean things will turn out the way I like.
doing the right thing does not mean that no one else will feel unhappy.
doing the right thing doesn't cause me to feel guilt.
but i guess doing the right thing doesn't guarantee that I will be happy either. For now.
Sigh.. the optimist in me says: everything in its time, I guess.
mind and heart boggling. I need revelation. Pls pray.
I have not felt this heavy heart in a while. Sigh. I guess it's only wise doing what I decided to do.. at least I do not have to feel worse than how I am feeling now.
argh........................................................................................................
bad time for all these.
Pls pray. Farewell Night on Thursday. Sigh. That first.
Dun ask. Just pray that God will work, and He will sort things out.
I am going to bed.
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doing the right thing does not mean that no one else will feel unhappy.
doing the right thing doesn't cause me to feel guilt.
but i guess doing the right thing doesn't guarantee that I will be happy either. For now.
Sigh.. the optimist in me says: everything in its time, I guess.
mind and heart boggling. I need revelation. Pls pray.
I have not felt this heavy heart in a while. Sigh. I guess it's only wise doing what I decided to do.. at least I do not have to feel worse than how I am feeling now.
argh........................................................................................................
bad time for all these.
Pls pray. Farewell Night on Thursday. Sigh. That first.
Dun ask. Just pray that God will work, and He will sort things out.
I am going to bed.
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Saturday, November 8, 2008
I luff Saturdays
Quoted from Beyonce: I just have to accept that I will never be slim because I love food too much.
Heehee. That's me too.
I am so giddy trying to book badminton courts online using S's PA details. I give up. S, please help......... thanks.
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Heehee. That's me too.
I am so giddy trying to book badminton courts online using S's PA details. I give up. S, please help......... thanks.
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some sort of trivial
I discovered the talented Cristiano Ronaldo 3 years ago when I watched him juggle the ball during one of his practise sessions. I thought then: this guy is really good!
And he turned out really really really good. Plus he's cute.
I got a good eye.
But I must remember to change my contact lens. I am 1 week late.
There are many wants, but few needs. Sigh.
I am damn glad I can sleep in.
Today's teh tarik, though sweet and tasty, could not keep me awake.
If I didn't feel so tired, I would have joined my friend @ prawning. Kinda miss her company.
I am getting slightly freakish for the upcoming farewell night which is on this Thursday though I have been running the event through my head. Please pray that all will go supernaturally well. Thanks!
I am going to read Luke 5 and 6 now. Ciaoz.
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And he turned out really really really good. Plus he's cute.
I got a good eye.
But I must remember to change my contact lens. I am 1 week late.
There are many wants, but few needs. Sigh.
I am damn glad I can sleep in.
Today's teh tarik, though sweet and tasty, could not keep me awake.
If I didn't feel so tired, I would have joined my friend @ prawning. Kinda miss her company.
I am getting slightly freakish for the upcoming farewell night which is on this Thursday though I have been running the event through my head. Please pray that all will go supernaturally well. Thanks!
I am going to read Luke 5 and 6 now. Ciaoz.
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Thursday, November 6, 2008
Luke 3 and 4
I can only handle 2 chpts a day I think.
What I find interesting:
-that Jesus came from Adam! The Geneology was very interesting as I ran through the names down the family line. How cool that is!
-we spoke about this next point during the last session @ CG. THe questions were asked " How did Jesus exhibit wisdom in this scenerio? What would have happened if he had not done what he did?
In his encounter with Satan after enduring 40 days in the wilderness, Jesus was hungry, and prolly weak from the ordeals, because afterall, he is human, just like us. Satan was smart. He used what was written in the word of God to entice Jesus to submit to him, but Jesus knew the heart of his father, so he was able to use the word of God appropriately to refute and rebuke Satan.
That's why the bible says, even the evil spirits believe in God, and they shudder. So does believing in God means something?
Knowing who God is and even believing in Him and making the deliberate choice of receiving Him as Lord and Saviour are two different matters though they are on the same scale. Just that Knowing who God is a prerequsite for most people to receive Him into their lives. We learnt that in IDT. It's called the Engel's Scale.
I am tired and so seem like I am blabbering. Soray. Time to sleep.
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What I find interesting:
-that Jesus came from Adam! The Geneology was very interesting as I ran through the names down the family line. How cool that is!
-we spoke about this next point during the last session @ CG. THe questions were asked " How did Jesus exhibit wisdom in this scenerio? What would have happened if he had not done what he did?
In his encounter with Satan after enduring 40 days in the wilderness, Jesus was hungry, and prolly weak from the ordeals, because afterall, he is human, just like us. Satan was smart. He used what was written in the word of God to entice Jesus to submit to him, but Jesus knew the heart of his father, so he was able to use the word of God appropriately to refute and rebuke Satan.
That's why the bible says, even the evil spirits believe in God, and they shudder. So does believing in God means something?
Knowing who God is and even believing in Him and making the deliberate choice of receiving Him as Lord and Saviour are two different matters though they are on the same scale. Just that Knowing who God is a prerequsite for most people to receive Him into their lives. We learnt that in IDT. It's called the Engel's Scale.
I am tired and so seem like I am blabbering. Soray. Time to sleep.
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Reading Luke + Psalms
I spent a good 2 hours by the pool today. It was really a good time alone. I am happy.
Along with the neverending Pslams which I have been trying to finish, I am reading Luke concurrently alongside with a dear friend who has recently started reading Luke. Yay. I am happy. I think that is one of the best thing that happened this week! :)
It's been quite interesting rereading it when I know that someone else is reading the same thing that I am reading.
One thing I found interesting was the comparison between Zechariah's case and Mary's case. Both times, God sent Gabriel the angel to speak to them about them. Zechariah didn't quite believe the angel but Mary was willing to be open to what was told to her because she was willing (" I am the Lord's servant,") I wondered if these 2 incidents were told one after the other to draw out the difference in attitude between Zechariah and Mary.
Another thing that struck me was the evidence of the power of God. Elizabeth obviously wouldn't know about Mary's coming child, but the spirit of God was the one who worked in her to encourage Mary and assured her that what she heard from the angel was true. So God was good to send her an encourager in a person other than the angel. It was a confirmation for her.
When Mary left Elizabeth, it would be about time that Elizabeth gave birth. Because Mary heard from the angel in Elizabeth's 6th month of preganancy and she stayed with Elizabeth for 3 months. My question: How come she didn't stay till Elizabeth gave birth?
Jesus @ 12 years old was sitting together with the religious leaders and asking chim questions..At 12, eveyrone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his responses. He grew in stature and wisdom and in favour with God and men. If only my kids are like that :P
Cool.
End of chpt 2.
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Along with the neverending Pslams which I have been trying to finish, I am reading Luke concurrently alongside with a dear friend who has recently started reading Luke. Yay. I am happy. I think that is one of the best thing that happened this week! :)
It's been quite interesting rereading it when I know that someone else is reading the same thing that I am reading.
One thing I found interesting was the comparison between Zechariah's case and Mary's case. Both times, God sent Gabriel the angel to speak to them about them. Zechariah didn't quite believe the angel but Mary was willing to be open to what was told to her because she was willing (" I am the Lord's servant,") I wondered if these 2 incidents were told one after the other to draw out the difference in attitude between Zechariah and Mary.
Another thing that struck me was the evidence of the power of God. Elizabeth obviously wouldn't know about Mary's coming child, but the spirit of God was the one who worked in her to encourage Mary and assured her that what she heard from the angel was true. So God was good to send her an encourager in a person other than the angel. It was a confirmation for her.
When Mary left Elizabeth, it would be about time that Elizabeth gave birth. Because Mary heard from the angel in Elizabeth's 6th month of preganancy and she stayed with Elizabeth for 3 months. My question: How come she didn't stay till Elizabeth gave birth?
Jesus @ 12 years old was sitting together with the religious leaders and asking chim questions..At 12, eveyrone who heard him was amazed at his understanding and his responses. He grew in stature and wisdom and in favour with God and men. If only my kids are like that :P
Cool.
End of chpt 2.
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Growing in Wisdom Through Worship?
WL asked about how we think we can acquire wisdom since the topic that night was about the Character of Wisdom. I was sharing with them that for me, worshipping God in songs helps me in a very intangible way, which was difficult for me to explain then since I had not given much thought to it. N asked too, in what way can wisdom be acquired when I am worshipping God. So... I decided to think about it and came up with a somewhat logical explanation for those who need tangible evidence.
Everyone knows the power of prayer. Prayer is simply conversing with God, either thanking Him, interceding for others, or asking for something from Him. And God answers prayers. Christian songs, even the most contemporary ones have this aspect of communing and communicating with God. Praying using the word of God leads to more powerful prayers since we are praying according to the will of God. And many christian songs have their content from the word of God. That is for the lyrics of the songs.
In the secular music world, even music can touch, move and soothe the soul. Can you imagine a composer who comes up with a tune for a christian song? Surely God's anointing power will fall upon him/her and carry that anointing through the song. I don't know if that is biblical, but i do think there is a reason why so many christian songs sound nicer than so many secular songs. That is my take.
So, worshipping God is deliberately coming into His presence to commune with Him, and with the additional component of the anointed tune that moves the soul, as well as having to flow with the momentum of the song helps us to be consumed by the presence of God. Since through prayers, we grow to know the heart of God and that gives wisdom, being in a setting like worship has only more value to add to the experience of God and the acquisition of wisdom.
I am not quite sure if the point is clear but that's the best I can do to explain why I think worshipping God changes me for the better.
Suddenly, something came to mind. I always remember what Pastor said, that there is always room for emotions, but being emotional is another thing. Basically, he is telling us to be balanced. For some conservatives, they believe that the worship of God should be dignified and proper; at the other extreme, some believe that emotions count for everything, that if you are not emotional, then there is something wrong with your fellowship with God. I believe there is a time and place for everything. :)
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Everyone knows the power of prayer. Prayer is simply conversing with God, either thanking Him, interceding for others, or asking for something from Him. And God answers prayers. Christian songs, even the most contemporary ones have this aspect of communing and communicating with God. Praying using the word of God leads to more powerful prayers since we are praying according to the will of God. And many christian songs have their content from the word of God. That is for the lyrics of the songs.
In the secular music world, even music can touch, move and soothe the soul. Can you imagine a composer who comes up with a tune for a christian song? Surely God's anointing power will fall upon him/her and carry that anointing through the song. I don't know if that is biblical, but i do think there is a reason why so many christian songs sound nicer than so many secular songs. That is my take.
So, worshipping God is deliberately coming into His presence to commune with Him, and with the additional component of the anointed tune that moves the soul, as well as having to flow with the momentum of the song helps us to be consumed by the presence of God. Since through prayers, we grow to know the heart of God and that gives wisdom, being in a setting like worship has only more value to add to the experience of God and the acquisition of wisdom.
I am not quite sure if the point is clear but that's the best I can do to explain why I think worshipping God changes me for the better.
Suddenly, something came to mind. I always remember what Pastor said, that there is always room for emotions, but being emotional is another thing. Basically, he is telling us to be balanced. For some conservatives, they believe that the worship of God should be dignified and proper; at the other extreme, some believe that emotions count for everything, that if you are not emotional, then there is something wrong with your fellowship with God. I believe there is a time and place for everything. :)
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No. I do not wish to try again.
See Title.
X 10000000000000000 times.
When someone doesn't want to let go despite knowing that things won't work out, is she seen as devoted and I seen as heartless? Is her love considered undying and mine frivolous?
When I am feeling upset that she is not letting go, am I considered cruel? Sheez. I do feel quite irritated. And I don't know how to handle her emotions. Someone told me before that I got to let her feel how she feels because that is the way she handles her emotions. So why do people ask me to consider giving it another try!?
Let this not be a factor that pushes me into another relationship, to start dating for the wrong reason. God help me.
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X 10000000000000000 times.
When someone doesn't want to let go despite knowing that things won't work out, is she seen as devoted and I seen as heartless? Is her love considered undying and mine frivolous?
When I am feeling upset that she is not letting go, am I considered cruel? Sheez. I do feel quite irritated. And I don't know how to handle her emotions. Someone told me before that I got to let her feel how she feels because that is the way she handles her emotions. So why do people ask me to consider giving it another try!?
Let this not be a factor that pushes me into another relationship, to start dating for the wrong reason. God help me.
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Wednesday, November 5, 2008
CS Lewis says....
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to be sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one - not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safely in the casket or the coffin of your selfishness. But, in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, unredeemable. The only place outside heaven where you can be safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love, is hell." (taken from a friend's blog)
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My heart aches not from the pain a friend went through during her tattoo-ing process. My heart aches from the pain that she was feeling in her heart when she was going through the tattoo-ing process.
I guess I could identify with how she was feeling. There was once I felt so much emotional pain, that I thought I wanted to get a tattoo. I thought then, no other pain could be more painful than the pain that I felt. I pray that I never have to feel pain at that level ever again. Never never never never again.
And please don't ask me to try at the r/s again. I feel this sense of fear and weariness as I think about even trying again. No no no no no way. Sigh. BIG SIGH.
On a more cheerful note, I had some great durian ice cream with great company which took away my food craving for prata, bee hoon goreng, teh tarik , durian and burburchacha. :)
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My heart aches not from the pain a friend went through during her tattoo-ing process. My heart aches from the pain that she was feeling in her heart when she was going through the tattoo-ing process.
I guess I could identify with how she was feeling. There was once I felt so much emotional pain, that I thought I wanted to get a tattoo. I thought then, no other pain could be more painful than the pain that I felt. I pray that I never have to feel pain at that level ever again. Never never never never again.
And please don't ask me to try at the r/s again. I feel this sense of fear and weariness as I think about even trying again. No no no no no way. Sigh. BIG SIGH.
On a more cheerful note, I had some great durian ice cream with great company which took away my food craving for prata, bee hoon goreng, teh tarik , durian and burburchacha. :)
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Wisdom
honestly, before today, I didn't know that we were going to do the Character of Wisdom for CG today leh.. *points to the highlighted sentence in the post below*
Anywayz, though today's group is smaller than usual, I must say that i enjoyed the discussion very much today. Good worship. Well-led and well-prepared facilitation. :)
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Anywayz, though today's group is smaller than usual, I must say that i enjoyed the discussion very much today. Good worship. Well-led and well-prepared facilitation. :)
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Monday, November 3, 2008
just nice, God taught me how to pray.
What I said in the earlier post about not wanting my life to be ineffective because life is short and precious?
Psalm 90:9-12
9 For all our days pass away under your wrath;we bring our years to an end like a sigh.
10 The years of our life are seventy,or even by reason of strength eighty;yet their span is but toil and trouble;they are soon gone, and we fly away.
11 Who considers the power of your anger,and your wrath according to the fear of you?
12 So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Amen.
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Psalm 90:9-12
9 For all our days pass away under your wrath;we bring our years to an end like a sigh.
10 The years of our life are seventy,or even by reason of strength eighty;yet their span is but toil and trouble;they are soon gone, and we fly away.
11 Who considers the power of your anger,and your wrath according to the fear of you?
12 So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom.
Amen.
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What should be the title of my book?
If I ever publish a book, the title will be:
A Diary of Random Thoughts: The Daily Life Ramblings of a beloved Woman of Jesus, who loves God, PLUSH and The Lady.
Sounds good?
I am going to pick up my student. Hear my child prodigy jam and pass him to perform for the P6 Farewell night next Thursday. Have to put cookie in another room though. Cuz my student is muslim.
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A Diary of Random Thoughts: The Daily Life Ramblings of a beloved Woman of Jesus, who loves God, PLUSH and The Lady.
Sounds good?
I am going to pick up my student. Hear my child prodigy jam and pass him to perform for the P6 Farewell night next Thursday. Have to put cookie in another room though. Cuz my student is muslim.
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food for thought (while listening to Weezer & Ash)
I have a dear friend, who used to be straight for a while, then decided that she likes women. She was in one or 2 relationships after she found out about her attraction to women.. She is a woman after God's own heart, and often is plagued by the guilt of her attraction to women. Throughout these 2 years that I have known her, we have grown much closer due to our common factor in desiring to see God work in our lives.
Through these 2 years also, I heard about her struggle between wanting to be straight and her feelings for the different women she met.. When I was talking to her online again today, I guess I was able to relate to how she was feeling in terms of that unsettled heart when one is single and searching/waiting/anticipating something to come. That brought back the thought that had come up before, but never thought about deep enough to write anything about, that perhaps, it's more possible to grow better spiritually when two christians are settled in a lifetime monogamous relationship rather than being single and searching/waiting/anticipating something.
I guess through these 4 months, I can relate to this better; the possiblities are endless; the people I met, the people I am introduced to, the people I am interested to know as more than a friend, the people who are interested to know me as more than a friend. Sometimes, I feel like I get caught up in this endless cycle of looking out for that lifetime partner that it sometimes overwhelmes the more important things in life. Just sometimes. But I don't really like to live an ineffective life. Life is too short and precious to live like that.
So.. I think, in summary, to not live a purposeless and ineffective life,
1) It's best to be single and not searching.
2) If we really need to be with someone, pray that we will find someone right, and then settle down and get married.
haha..
Anywayz, Weezer and Ash have the cutest lyrics I know.. They Might Be Giants too.. haha.. I really enjoy listening to their music. I tried looking for ASH 1977 album but Borders do not have it. :( And I can't remember who borrowed mine.
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Through these 2 years also, I heard about her struggle between wanting to be straight and her feelings for the different women she met.. When I was talking to her online again today, I guess I was able to relate to how she was feeling in terms of that unsettled heart when one is single and searching/waiting/anticipating something to come. That brought back the thought that had come up before, but never thought about deep enough to write anything about, that perhaps, it's more possible to grow better spiritually when two christians are settled in a lifetime monogamous relationship rather than being single and searching/waiting/anticipating something.
I guess through these 4 months, I can relate to this better; the possiblities are endless; the people I met, the people I am introduced to, the people I am interested to know as more than a friend, the people who are interested to know me as more than a friend. Sometimes, I feel like I get caught up in this endless cycle of looking out for that lifetime partner that it sometimes overwhelmes the more important things in life. Just sometimes. But I don't really like to live an ineffective life. Life is too short and precious to live like that.
So.. I think, in summary, to not live a purposeless and ineffective life,
1) It's best to be single and not searching.
2) If we really need to be with someone, pray that we will find someone right, and then settle down and get married.
haha..
Anywayz, Weezer and Ash have the cutest lyrics I know.. They Might Be Giants too.. haha.. I really enjoy listening to their music. I tried looking for ASH 1977 album but Borders do not have it. :( And I can't remember who borrowed mine.
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Sunday, November 2, 2008
chocolate-chocolate-chocolate
I am eating too much chocolate. I wonder why.
I really mean to blog about the continuation from Friday's IDT as well as what I learnt today..
but i think I want to sleep early tonight..
so...
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I am so random I can't stand myself sometimes :) .
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I really mean to blog about the continuation from Friday's IDT as well as what I learnt today..
but i think I want to sleep early tonight..
so...
..........................................................
I am so random I can't stand myself sometimes :) .
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Hard Rock Cafe
did i say i really enjoyed my time together with the gals at HRC last nite? I was looking forward to the live music, but what thrilled me were the easy conversations going around, people feeling comfortable just watching MJ MTVs, not needing to speak, the random jokes flying around, the love, care and concern that was shown, I was looking @ the photos and get this nice warm feeling. Things are getting better, thanks to the grace of God.
Anywayz, the music ain't that great. I love the hot fudge brownie ice cream though. Love the ribs too, and the nachos, and the steak. :) Thank God for A, that I get to exercise at least once a week.
They even have HRC (Singapore) drum sticks!
Happy birthday, S :)
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Anywayz, the music ain't that great. I love the hot fudge brownie ice cream though. Love the ribs too, and the nachos, and the steak. :) Thank God for A, that I get to exercise at least once a week.
They even have HRC (Singapore) drum sticks!
Happy birthday, S :)
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Sensible stuff now.
okay, now that all the rubbish is out. I can write about what I gleaned from today's service.
sheez. my leg is cramping.
it's amazing how everything from what we are doing in PLUSH is linked to IDT and also to the sunday sermons. Just last week, the message is about leadership, and of course, servant leadership was spoken off.
Today, humility was spoken of too.
now my other leg is cramping. The Isqueeze is not happy with me.
wassup mate!
sigh. I dropped my hp last night.
firstly , about servant leadership.
Servant leadership seeks growth, not conformity
Servant leadership leads by empowering, not control
Servant leadership desires to be good, not merely looks good
Servant leadership guides people, not drive them
Servant leadership assumes responsiblity, not seeks a position
To read more, pls refer to 2 Cor 11:16-33
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sheez. my leg is cramping.
it's amazing how everything from what we are doing in PLUSH is linked to IDT and also to the sunday sermons. Just last week, the message is about leadership, and of course, servant leadership was spoken off.
Today, humility was spoken of too.
now my other leg is cramping. The Isqueeze is not happy with me.
wassup mate!
sigh. I dropped my hp last night.
firstly , about servant leadership.
Servant leadership seeks growth, not conformity
Servant leadership leads by empowering, not control
Servant leadership desires to be good, not merely looks good
Servant leadership guides people, not drive them
Servant leadership assumes responsiblity, not seeks a position
To read more, pls refer to 2 Cor 11:16-33
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some more after-shower randoms
-I can never be too sad on sundays, because I get a fresh dose of the Holy Spirit through corporate worship and sermons and fellowship. I suspect the only reason why I am not estastically happy every Sunday is because of the impending Monday blues. :)
-Thinking about taking a shower makes me grumpy. Walking out after a shower makes me happy. Writing this makes me kiddy.
-I am really thankful for the car. With the car, I could attend the 9a.m. service @ Covenant and then zoom down to FCC just in time for communion, sermon, and lunch with the gals. :)
-Thithing requires us to give one tenth of our firstfruit to God. However, monetary resources are not the only gifts God has given to us. Our time is also a gift from God. So given 24 hours, if we spend 8 hours sleeping, we will have 16 hours left. A tenth of 16 hours is about an hour and a half. Hmm.. That means we should also spend an hour and a half with God every day. Wow. I think it's quite a feat though I think activities like church and CG is also included in the time with God. I shall just start with doing QT everyday first.
-I enjoy spending time @ home. I was glad to have dinner together with my family today. Even Cookie followed me wherever I go. I think it was because the hot dog bun I was holding.
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-Thinking about taking a shower makes me grumpy. Walking out after a shower makes me happy. Writing this makes me kiddy.
-I am really thankful for the car. With the car, I could attend the 9a.m. service @ Covenant and then zoom down to FCC just in time for communion, sermon, and lunch with the gals. :)
-Thithing requires us to give one tenth of our firstfruit to God. However, monetary resources are not the only gifts God has given to us. Our time is also a gift from God. So given 24 hours, if we spend 8 hours sleeping, we will have 16 hours left. A tenth of 16 hours is about an hour and a half. Hmm.. That means we should also spend an hour and a half with God every day. Wow. I think it's quite a feat though I think activities like church and CG is also included in the time with God. I shall just start with doing QT everyday first.
-I enjoy spending time @ home. I was glad to have dinner together with my family today. Even Cookie followed me wherever I go. I think it was because the hot dog bun I was holding.
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Just some raving for entertainment's sake
is our happiness defined by whether we have a partner or not?
Of late, I came across a few instances where people have asked me if I was upset or unhappy. I get this impression from them that when I appear without a partner/potential parter, and I am not as lively as before, they attribute that to me having recovered, being ready to meet people, but still being single. Hallo, I have only been single for like 4 months lor. Is there a need to be attached so quickly?
Otherwise, when I do not look happy/lively when I was attached, how come people didn't ask me if I was okay? So lame.
Actually, I am happy being single. Sure, they are perks to being attached, but I really think I am not an incomplete person when I am single lor... And honestly, I would like my future partner to be happy and living a full life when she is single. I think people who are happy being single while waiting for the right one make better partners. That is from my personal point of view.
And what's wrong with looking at people's arms and commenting that they are nice?? Do I want to be with every attractive person I meet? As with my personality type, I just got an eye for aesthestic beauty :P It doesn't mean that I am interested in anything more than friends with anyone who catches my eye. I merely commented, " How did you get arms like that?" and 2 others echoed my questions and someone who heard my comment actually asked Ms Nice Arm's friend to be the matchmaker. They made me so conscious that I could not carry a decent conversation with Ms Nice Arms, ruining any potential chances of anything more.. Grrrrr.. haha.. actually, I was only joking. I don't think Ms Nice Arms is my type. Am I even her type?! Wait a minute. Is she even gay? :p
:) Okay. Enough. Next post after I shower.
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Of late, I came across a few instances where people have asked me if I was upset or unhappy. I get this impression from them that when I appear without a partner/potential parter, and I am not as lively as before, they attribute that to me having recovered, being ready to meet people, but still being single. Hallo, I have only been single for like 4 months lor. Is there a need to be attached so quickly?
Otherwise, when I do not look happy/lively when I was attached, how come people didn't ask me if I was okay? So lame.
Actually, I am happy being single. Sure, they are perks to being attached, but I really think I am not an incomplete person when I am single lor... And honestly, I would like my future partner to be happy and living a full life when she is single. I think people who are happy being single while waiting for the right one make better partners. That is from my personal point of view.
And what's wrong with looking at people's arms and commenting that they are nice?? Do I want to be with every attractive person I meet? As with my personality type, I just got an eye for aesthestic beauty :P It doesn't mean that I am interested in anything more than friends with anyone who catches my eye. I merely commented, " How did you get arms like that?" and 2 others echoed my questions and someone who heard my comment actually asked Ms Nice Arm's friend to be the matchmaker. They made me so conscious that I could not carry a decent conversation with Ms Nice Arms, ruining any potential chances of anything more.. Grrrrr.. haha.. actually, I was only joking. I don't think Ms Nice Arms is my type. Am I even her type?! Wait a minute. Is she even gay? :p
:) Okay. Enough. Next post after I shower.
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Saturday, November 1, 2008
Multiplying the Community- Part 1
I have been grinning and smiling each time I go for IDT. Things are getting more relevant week after week. Unfortunately, IDT has somewhat ended :(.
What was useful in what I learnt today:
3 Things that are important:
1) Spiritual Fruitfulness
2) Personal Preparation
3) Organisational Wisdom
-Breaking up a CG is emotionally hard to do - I so totally agree. That depends on the group you have. The closer you feel to the group, the harder it is to multiply. Likewise, if you do not feel belonged to the group, it doesn't make much difference if the group were to multiply or not.
-However, the bible talks about spiritual fruitfulness in many passages (Gen 12:1-2, Jer 23:3-6, Eze 36:9-12) . And Fruitfulness is God's Gift to Us. I repeat this statement. Fruifulness is God's gift to us. When we become attractive, others want to join us. A growing group is a healthy group.
(What it means to me: We shouldn't stop inviting people to visit the CG if they don't have spiritual support. The only thing I am unclear of is whether the pace of inviting people is too fast. New members who come in need time to settle and be rooted too right?)
This is the first part. Second part coming up. On Personal Preparation. Something that spoke to me more.
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What was useful in what I learnt today:
3 Things that are important:
1) Spiritual Fruitfulness
2) Personal Preparation
3) Organisational Wisdom
-Breaking up a CG is emotionally hard to do - I so totally agree. That depends on the group you have. The closer you feel to the group, the harder it is to multiply. Likewise, if you do not feel belonged to the group, it doesn't make much difference if the group were to multiply or not.
-However, the bible talks about spiritual fruitfulness in many passages (Gen 12:1-2, Jer 23:3-6, Eze 36:9-12) . And Fruitfulness is God's Gift to Us. I repeat this statement. Fruifulness is God's gift to us. When we become attractive, others want to join us. A growing group is a healthy group.
(What it means to me: We shouldn't stop inviting people to visit the CG if they don't have spiritual support. The only thing I am unclear of is whether the pace of inviting people is too fast. New members who come in need time to settle and be rooted too right?)
This is the first part. Second part coming up. On Personal Preparation. Something that spoke to me more.
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Last Friday Session of IDT.. I am graduating... :)
and honestly, it's been a tough 2 years of ups and downs, but I will really really miss the IDT sessions. Insightful and more importantly, it changed my inner life for the better. I am so thankful to God for the leaders in Covenant. I am even more thankful He led me to Covenant. Will share my testimony in mandarin once I get it translated by this sunday :)
Guess what the topic was today? Multiplying the Community. Woohoo. Great tips. Coming up in the next post!
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Guess what the topic was today? Multiplying the Community. Woohoo. Great tips. Coming up in the next post!
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