long rambles

I took medical leave today. Mostly because of stress and the deadlines to be met tomorrow. I was hoping I could wait till the end of Friday and enjoy the long weekend, but I really could not bear the thought of handling any more stress(from the kids) other than the stress from the deadlines. I told the doctor I was stressed. She asked if I was depressed. I am not. But I think I am PMSsing. I have been feeling really tired. This morning, I could feel my heartbeat quicken when I think about work. I stopped thinking when I could feel a headache coming.

I finished marking a stack of exam essays in the morning. Sometimes, I am even embarrassed to be known as an English teacher though these students from these different classes are not taught by me. Honestly, compared to before, the standard of English has really deteriorated. I really wonder whose fault it could be. I am very tempted to put the blame on MOE, on how they recruit and train teachers, on how they implement new initiatives beneficial only for the top students, how they change the curriculum the American way forgetting how important basic grammar rules are in our uniquely multiracial Singapore.

A few days ago, I received a card and I was encouraged that I could make a positive difference in one person's life. I realised over these few years what I do best, and what I feel happiest doing. Yet in the midst of all of that, I always ask myself how I can be a good testimony at my workplace. I guess it's especially difficult because there is this natural need to want to excel and be better to prove that not all gay people are dsyfunctional, difficult or mediocre. WHile I know how I do not need to prove anything in front of an all-knowing, miracle-performing God, people do look at who, what and how you are and draw conclusions from there.

I am not sure if this whole post is coherent but I shall just leave this as that and continue my work. Ciaoz.
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