About anger and forgiveness

Anger and forgiveness were the 2 main things we spoke about during follow up last week. I felt that the sharing was authentic and deep and I was really thankful for that. At the end of it all, we still couldn't really define what it means to forgive except to model Jesus' idea of forgiveness. The bible says that God remembers our sins no more when we confess and repent. So our human wisdom helped us come up with this guideline. How do we know whether we have really forgiven? The first question to ask is this: are you willing to forgive this person? 

In saying yes to that question, we were also aware that though mentally, we might be willing to forgive, it will take some time for God's grace to work through our hearts. But like what they always say; awareness is the first step to change.

Second question to ask is this: do you still remember how they have offended and hurt you AND feel bitter about it? Remembering unpleasant situations shouldn't give a bitter taste but rather a recognition that God has taught us a precious lesson from every experience.

I am always disturbed when I think about the 2 persons i dont want to have anything to do with. Because i felt they shouldnt be ignored, that i should be a good chistian, talk about things, pray, hug and be good friends again. I don't hate them, I am willing to forgive but thinking about them still gives a bitter taste. I am ready to help if they need help but to ask me to hang out with them is very tough. We don't have to be good friends with everyone right?

Remember the verse: God remembers our sins no more WHEN we confess and repent? That came up in conversation too. I asked one of the follow up mates who still struggles with the first question whether it would be easier to forgive if instead of leaving for good, that her perpetrator explains/admits she was wrong/ask for forgiveness. She said yes. I think that's for me too. I just wish they would admit they said what they did, apologised and then I might not feel the way I still do. 

It could happen another way too. Now I am ready to develop a friendship with my second ex. I wrote her an email and mentioned something like that but she didn't respond. Perhaps I just needed to write a longer email to explain why I ran away then and apologise for the pain and distress I had caused her. Whether or not she accepts the apology or feel the need to develop the friendship then is her call. No biggie as long as I have done my part.

That's all for now. Felt like I had written a book on forgiveness.
.