A broken spirit. A contrite heart.

Whilst contemplating the songs to pick for worship for the lushates, the song A Broken Spirit came to mind. 

Juls had told me that the topic for that evening was about open hearts to God. And I found it strange why this song came to mind. Not that it was unrelated but what juls described in her message to me was the warm and fuzzy feeling that people get when they behold God, and be in awe of who He is; it starts positive and ends even more positive, like the kind of feeling one gets when one attends a certain megachurch. This song starts low and ends as a confession and then a petition to God to help us to seal our hearts for Him. Not ending at a high definitely.

I prepared the songsheet today anywayz, not completely understanding. As I was driving, I thought about the blessings that God has given me and felt extremely thankful, yet at the back of my mind, I could not help but to think about dad, who cabbed himself to hospital again today because he felt unwell. 

I have become less chirpy since dad's diagnosis. I have my highs but they are followed by a low almost immediately. Dad's situation always feels like a thorn in my flesh that reminds me that not all is bright and perfect. Yet in this brokenness, I feel the depth of God's love even more, I feel anchored in how His presence has sustained me. This season of time has caused me to be more grounded, more centred (and more pensive). I had to go to God and surrender fully to Him because this situation is beyond my control. 

Later, as I was practising the guitar in preparation for the session tonight, I realized how the song spoke my heart, and how the lyrics of this song point to the consecration of our hearts to God, so that, indeed, when we come before God in all our brokenness, when we are opened to His working through our surrender of our hearts to Him, that He comes, in his awesome love and grace, and envelopes us in His presence, and strengthens us, and blesses us.

This season is a challenging and difficult time. But I am trusting that this is only for a season, and perhaps a season of growth in my faith journey in the God I have always professed to trust.

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