Friends, trust and good friends

My relationship with my colleague has become better since we talked about church and God. I am not sure if I am right about this but he's much gentle when he speaks to me now. No more angst, no tone of bitchiness in his voice (the gay men kind of bitchiness) like how it used to be. Yet I am still a little hesitant about sharing much of my personal life with him. Maybe not yet. I only share about my personal life with my best friend at work.

 I guess there are not many people I can entrust my life to. I can think of a few that I would bare my soul to but lack of time and circumstances do not allow for that depth of sharing to take place regularly. As such, I only share that much and that deeply with people I spend a lot of time with,mostly my partners. It's a risk to share dark secrets with people. I guess it's more of how my trust in them is broken more so than hearing my secrets let out. The feelings of hurt and betrayal stay only for a while, but it's difficult to build the relationship to that same level once that trust is broken.

 I remembered how I trusted a good friend enough to come out to her but she later emailed a few of our common friends on the pretext of praying for me. That was when I decided that i have no interest in cultivating our friendship any longer. I will still be around if she needs my help. But that's all she will get from me; my availability.

In a way, as much and as easily I feel for someone (as a friend), I don't have much difficulty letting go of someone who can't be trusted or just someone who takes all the time. I try to be around as much as I can but I don't need to grovel to have someone's friendship unless they are Jesus. Hehe.

Sometimes, I do think that to be great friends, there will be a certain level of compatibility (now I am complicating friendship too. :p). 

Firstly, I think there must be a certain amount of trust and care. It cannot be one-sided. Both parties must enjoy each other's company. Both must be able to have a balance of giving and taking,  both have to be able take turns to be strong for each other, funny enough to lift up each other's spirits when either is down, available enough to spend time with, with common interests enough to do things with. That's why some people click with some and not with others. 

Funneee random thoughts I have sometimes. That is my blog. To allow me to record my thoughts and think aloud.
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