I had the privilege of attending a friend's baptism service. I am not really close to her but for her to invite me is a big thing because she only asked her mum, her partner and 2 or 3 friends.
Even though I am not as close to her, my heart leapt with excitement and joy when she announced that she was getting baptized.
A small part of how I felt was because I know how important this step of public declaration is. To me, water baptism is equivalent to marriage. But I guess a large part of the reason why I felt this way was how I saw her journey with God progress from the first time she stepped into FCC. Though she was baptized in another church last Thursday, it reminded me once again the importance of fcc's ministry. From FCC and her journey in search of her sexuality in relation to God, she has come to the level of understanding and acceptance of what it means to be a gay Christian. That is so very precious.
What's there not to rejoice about. We are all part of God's big family. She expressed interest in looking for a bible study group at FCC. She's exploring. Starting with plush next Tuesday. It's all about God's timing. She used to visit plush once or twice but stopped after a while. Whether she remains this time is inconsequential. I pray she finds a place where she can grow and serve.
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Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Friends, trust and good friends
My relationship with my colleague has become better since we talked about church and God. I am not sure if I am right about this but he's much gentle when he speaks to me now. No more angst, no tone of bitchiness in his voice (the gay men kind of bitchiness) like how it used to be. Yet I am still a little hesitant about sharing much of my personal life with him. Maybe not yet. I only share about my personal life with my best friend at work.
I guess there are not many people I can entrust my life to. I can think of a few that I would bare my soul to but lack of time and circumstances do not allow for that depth of sharing to take place regularly. As such, I only share that much and that deeply with people I spend a lot of time with,mostly my partners. It's a risk to share dark secrets with people. I guess it's more of how my trust in them is broken more so than hearing my secrets let out. The feelings of hurt and betrayal stay only for a while, but it's difficult to build the relationship to that same level once that trust is broken.
I remembered how I trusted a good friend enough to come out to her but she later emailed a few of our common friends on the pretext of praying for me. That was when I decided that i have no interest in cultivating our friendship any longer. I will still be around if she needs my help. But that's all she will get from me; my availability.
In a way, as much and as easily I feel for someone (as a friend), I don't have much difficulty letting go of someone who can't be trusted or just someone who takes all the time. I try to be around as much as I can but I don't need to grovel to have someone's friendship unless they are Jesus. Hehe.
Sometimes, I do think that to be great friends, there will be a certain level of compatibility (now I am complicating friendship too. :p).
Firstly, I think there must be a certain amount of trust and care. It cannot be one-sided. Both parties must enjoy each other's company. Both must be able to have a balance of giving and taking, both have to be able take turns to be strong for each other, funny enough to lift up each other's spirits when either is down, available enough to spend time with, with common interests enough to do things with. That's why some people click with some and not with others.
Funneee random thoughts I have sometimes. That is my blog. To allow me to record my thoughts and think aloud.
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I guess there are not many people I can entrust my life to. I can think of a few that I would bare my soul to but lack of time and circumstances do not allow for that depth of sharing to take place regularly. As such, I only share that much and that deeply with people I spend a lot of time with,mostly my partners. It's a risk to share dark secrets with people. I guess it's more of how my trust in them is broken more so than hearing my secrets let out. The feelings of hurt and betrayal stay only for a while, but it's difficult to build the relationship to that same level once that trust is broken.
I remembered how I trusted a good friend enough to come out to her but she later emailed a few of our common friends on the pretext of praying for me. That was when I decided that i have no interest in cultivating our friendship any longer. I will still be around if she needs my help. But that's all she will get from me; my availability.
In a way, as much and as easily I feel for someone (as a friend), I don't have much difficulty letting go of someone who can't be trusted or just someone who takes all the time. I try to be around as much as I can but I don't need to grovel to have someone's friendship unless they are Jesus. Hehe.
Sometimes, I do think that to be great friends, there will be a certain level of compatibility (now I am complicating friendship too. :p).
Firstly, I think there must be a certain amount of trust and care. It cannot be one-sided. Both parties must enjoy each other's company. Both must be able to have a balance of giving and taking, both have to be able take turns to be strong for each other, funny enough to lift up each other's spirits when either is down, available enough to spend time with, with common interests enough to do things with. That's why some people click with some and not with others.
Funneee random thoughts I have sometimes. That is my blog. To allow me to record my thoughts and think aloud.
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Friday, August 12, 2011
better write before I forget
I was driving. I could see a car in the next lane signaling to come into my lane. I slowed down, he was very hesitant. I nearly stopped driving completely so that he could pass, but I decided that he wasn't going to, so I sped up. After that, I looked at my rearview mirror and saw that there was no cars behind me. He was waiting for me to pass before entering my lane. I thought I was kind, doing him a favour. But if I had remained, he might have been stuck in traffic when the next wave of cars come after me.
Lesson learnt: don't be presumptous. A lot of times, we feel the need to do something for someone. Sometimes we think we know better. Maybe not. It may be out of goodwill and good intention. But the timing may not be right. Another example: I see an elderly cleaner being diligent picking up trash. My heart breaks to see people her age still working. I decided to pass some money to her. My intention was good. Someone equally in need of money saw that sum of money passed to her. He knocked her over and took all her money from her. She was fine, at peace and physically well before I passed the money to her. Now she's not only penniless, she's injured.
When we feel an urge to do something, it does not always mean that the Holy Spirit's prompting. Our emotions can be deceiving at times. Pray for wisdom. Pray for discernment. Walk in step with Jesus. His timing is perfect. He is always on time.
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Lesson learnt: don't be presumptous. A lot of times, we feel the need to do something for someone. Sometimes we think we know better. Maybe not. It may be out of goodwill and good intention. But the timing may not be right. Another example: I see an elderly cleaner being diligent picking up trash. My heart breaks to see people her age still working. I decided to pass some money to her. My intention was good. Someone equally in need of money saw that sum of money passed to her. He knocked her over and took all her money from her. She was fine, at peace and physically well before I passed the money to her. Now she's not only penniless, she's injured.
When we feel an urge to do something, it does not always mean that the Holy Spirit's prompting. Our emotions can be deceiving at times. Pray for wisdom. Pray for discernment. Walk in step with Jesus. His timing is perfect. He is always on time.
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Wednesday, August 10, 2011
whilst showering,
I remembered a friend who deliberately came by to make conversation while shooting some hoops. We never had that level of conversation before in the past year we have known each other though we meet weekly for badminton. I was a little uncomfortable at first but we did have a fair amount of casual conversation that evening, something I am thankful for. I think it's a good warm up to more serious sharing to come.
She was the one who had recently started to listen to Hillsong ever since she heard a few from my car and from another friend's car. I do not have any idea where she is at now in terms of her relationship with God. I do not even know if she's a believer. I have been rather careful talking to people about God because I learnt that my primarily form of evangelism is just being the person I am supposed to be. People look at how I behave more than what I preach and share about God. My primarily duty is not to embarrass Jesus (quoting what one of my friend's say) and help people overcome their obstacles that could prevent them from knowing God more.
Anywayz, back to my thoughts while showering. I thought of the possible reasons why she could so easily start listening to Hillsong, which to me is a great deal because for someone who has not been attending church/talking about God, picking up hillsongs is like a whoa.. really? kind of feeling. Well, unless that person is very musicially appreciative. I must say HIllsong has some of the greatest tunes I know but still... I thought that maybe she was a christian before but she felt unworthy to go to church because some people have given her the impression that God despises homosexuals and God doesn't want people to smoke and have tattoos. Maybe it's easier for her not to say that she's a christian and be comfortable with the life she's living? Whatever it is, I am glad things are starting to change a little for her. Worship music is a good first step to experiencing God's powerful presence. Music can move souls (that's what they say about mainstream music), more so music inspired by God. Together with the living word of God translated into lyrics, I am excited as to what Hillsong can do for her.
This thought brings me to consider other reasons why people are resistant to the idea of accepting God into their life. I think many people know that God exist and that they know there is more than life than just living it to the fullest. Maybe it's just easier to live out their own lives, be good in their own way and not be tied down by expectations of how they should behave and be judged by fellow people who are supposed to love and accept them for who they are. I think, if more people know that God is an all-embracing, all loving God, who loves them for who they are, they may be more willing to welcome God into their life.
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She was the one who had recently started to listen to Hillsong ever since she heard a few from my car and from another friend's car. I do not have any idea where she is at now in terms of her relationship with God. I do not even know if she's a believer. I have been rather careful talking to people about God because I learnt that my primarily form of evangelism is just being the person I am supposed to be. People look at how I behave more than what I preach and share about God. My primarily duty is not to embarrass Jesus (quoting what one of my friend's say) and help people overcome their obstacles that could prevent them from knowing God more.
Anywayz, back to my thoughts while showering. I thought of the possible reasons why she could so easily start listening to Hillsong, which to me is a great deal because for someone who has not been attending church/talking about God, picking up hillsongs is like a whoa.. really? kind of feeling. Well, unless that person is very musicially appreciative. I must say HIllsong has some of the greatest tunes I know but still... I thought that maybe she was a christian before but she felt unworthy to go to church because some people have given her the impression that God despises homosexuals and God doesn't want people to smoke and have tattoos. Maybe it's easier for her not to say that she's a christian and be comfortable with the life she's living? Whatever it is, I am glad things are starting to change a little for her. Worship music is a good first step to experiencing God's powerful presence. Music can move souls (that's what they say about mainstream music), more so music inspired by God. Together with the living word of God translated into lyrics, I am excited as to what Hillsong can do for her.
This thought brings me to consider other reasons why people are resistant to the idea of accepting God into their life. I think many people know that God exist and that they know there is more than life than just living it to the fullest. Maybe it's just easier to live out their own lives, be good in their own way and not be tied down by expectations of how they should behave and be judged by fellow people who are supposed to love and accept them for who they are. I think, if more people know that God is an all-embracing, all loving God, who loves them for who they are, they may be more willing to welcome God into their life.
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Tuesday, August 9, 2011
lazy?
was just chatting with a friend and she mentioned she has 4 tuition students. I was telling her I only had 1 and I recently gave her up mainly because I needed more time and also because I think I have taught her all she needed to know. In cases like that, I usually am quite unmotivated to go give tuition and if I do, I will feel sleepy. So to avoid feeling guilty for frequently changing the timings because I didn't feel like going and feel bad when I doze off during tuition sessions, I reckon it's better I give her up. I did attempt to ask my colleagues if they wanted to give tuition but most do not because teachers are just too busy.
So... while talking to this friend who's giving tuition to 4 students (8 times a week with weekends burnt), I felt incredibly lazy. Afterall, tuition is a good source of income. Moreover, the student I was giving tuition to is not a difficult student. She learns fast, learns well and she lives just beside my work place.... AND I only see her once a week, an hour and a half each time and I earn $75 bucks at the end of the lesson. ARGH!!! GRRRR! Now I feel extremely lazy.
Well, I told the mum that if she needs, she can call me up for ad hoc lessons. I just can't imagine going there week after week. I suppose this is a case of not dying to my flesh. It's just one and a half hours a week and so near to my home... GRRRRR. Lazy lazy me.
Well, I can always change my mind. But I don't think so. Maybe a break is good. Moreover, the assignments for the Masters course have not come in.
Okay. Random rambling in the midst of nursing my menstrual cramps. Ciaoz.
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So... while talking to this friend who's giving tuition to 4 students (8 times a week with weekends burnt), I felt incredibly lazy. Afterall, tuition is a good source of income. Moreover, the student I was giving tuition to is not a difficult student. She learns fast, learns well and she lives just beside my work place.... AND I only see her once a week, an hour and a half each time and I earn $75 bucks at the end of the lesson. ARGH!!! GRRRR! Now I feel extremely lazy.
Well, I told the mum that if she needs, she can call me up for ad hoc lessons. I just can't imagine going there week after week. I suppose this is a case of not dying to my flesh. It's just one and a half hours a week and so near to my home... GRRRRR. Lazy lazy me.
Well, I can always change my mind. But I don't think so. Maybe a break is good. Moreover, the assignments for the Masters course have not come in.
Okay. Random rambling in the midst of nursing my menstrual cramps. Ciaoz.
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Monday, August 8, 2011
Random thought
I learnt that there are generally 3 groups of people who have different responses when they share their problems with others; one type doesnt like to be told what to do. For this group of people, the greatest help you can give them is to ask the right questions or present the pros and cons of different solutions for them. They will make their own decisions eventually.
The second type of people would be very eager to ask for a solution and ask for specific solutions to be given to them. The last group of people is like the second group of people. They want to know what you think and what you would do but in the end, they will do what they feel like doing.
When I recognize that there are these different groups of people, I feel happier and more at peace. I also come to realize that different people come into my life in different seasons for different reasons. With the que sera sera mindset, I am able to contribute to the lives of others and not be disappointed. Service life longer. Goodie.
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The second type of people would be very eager to ask for a solution and ask for specific solutions to be given to them. The last group of people is like the second group of people. They want to know what you think and what you would do but in the end, they will do what they feel like doing.
When I recognize that there are these different groups of people, I feel happier and more at peace. I also come to realize that different people come into my life in different seasons for different reasons. With the que sera sera mindset, I am able to contribute to the lives of others and not be disappointed. Service life longer. Goodie.
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Sunday, August 7, 2011
Bad breath
More than once, I have been in contact with people who had bad breath (not morning breath, breath that is caused by tartar on the teeth). Then I wondered how their spouse/partner can kiss them.. Maybe some couples stop kissing after a while. But isn't it difficult standing close to that person too?
My nose is very sensitive to smell, maybe that's why I don't really enjoy speaking with someone who has bad breath. My nose is so sensitive that if I had smelled a fragrance from before, I would be able to identify it on someone else. I recognise the importance of flossing just recently. Even when I floss every other day, I can still smell that smell. I can't imagine how I can not floss regularly before.
Anyhowz, some people have low confidence in themselves because of how they look. But I dare say, it's more of how one presents oneself that is more important; Personal hygiene -checked, confidence - checked, dressing presentably - checked, pleasant personality - checked. That with a dash of fragrance will get one to many places.:)
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My nose is very sensitive to smell, maybe that's why I don't really enjoy speaking with someone who has bad breath. My nose is so sensitive that if I had smelled a fragrance from before, I would be able to identify it on someone else. I recognise the importance of flossing just recently. Even when I floss every other day, I can still smell that smell. I can't imagine how I can not floss regularly before.
Anyhowz, some people have low confidence in themselves because of how they look. But I dare say, it's more of how one presents oneself that is more important; Personal hygiene -checked, confidence - checked, dressing presentably - checked, pleasant personality - checked. That with a dash of fragrance will get one to many places.:)
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