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Optimism Bias

This term- I learnt for the first time in my course. Most humans are positive that the worse case scenario won't happen to them no matter how pessimistic they are. That is the reason why people engage in dangerous activities and pick up habits that could be life-threatening; they think they will not be the unfortunate one who will die, who will get cancer, etc.

In helping people overcome addictions or in helping them lead a fulfilled life/less reckless life, counselors have to sometimes remove this optimism bias from people to let them know that "hey, this could possibly happen to you."

In the newspapers today, I came across two articles that displayed the dangers of optimism bias. One of them is this guy in the States who refused to listen to instructions to be evacuated from an area which would be affected by Hurricane Sandy. Though he remained safe, it was really thoughtless of him not to take the advice to move, both for the sale of the rescue team, his family members and himself. Why did he not move? He was sure that he would not be affected by Hurricane Sandy. Then another newspaper article was about this stoopid mum who put her two year old son on the railings of the wild dogs enclosure thinking that he wouldn't fall over. Within seconds, he did, and was mauled to death by 11 wild dogs. Sigh.

How to draw the line between being wise and being too safe? No time to think too much yet. Next post perhaps.
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one last post before I start on my assignment

One comment that TCT made  after our presentation was this: " What a nice and kind teacher that is. " (talking about me because I was acting as a role of a teacher) then she went on and said that the teacher could actually draw on what the student was sharing and make it a turn around point so that intervention could be more effective.

It's true, and I have always recognised that, whilst I can be the person whom people feel comfortable opening up with, feel safe with, I often find that I lack the follow through which could help them better solve their problems. I used to atttribute that to the reason why I am not a counselor in profession.

It's also true, that whilst compassion is important in getting people to open up and share their struggles and hearts, whilst sometimes, people just really want to be heard, but we can also, dependent on the situation, play a pivotal role in empowering them to change, simply by drawing on what they share, on their helplessness about a situation and pointing them to the right direction. Easier said than done. Definitely needs lots of experience, skill, and god-given wisdom. Dear God, please help me in this area. Amen!!!!

That's why she's crushable material (to me). hahaha. Time to start on my assignment!
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a revision of my tennis post

I wrote this 2 years ago:

Hit me a good ball,

I will return nicely.

Hit me a bad ball

the ball misses my sweet spot

if only the ball hits the sweet spot

then we can rally.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Two years later, I got something to add:  

Hit me a good ball,

I will return nicely.

Hit me a bad ball

the ball misses my sweet spot

if only the ball hits the sweet spot

then we can rally.

But I can move  

so your ball hits my sweet spot  

And we can still rally. 

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  

hahaha.. I really got to start doing my assignment.
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my lecturer still fascinates me

she's totally crushable material according to me (and me only). That's why my taste is always doubted. Lol. Not many people like the things I like and the people I like.

Anywayz, this was after she totally polished up our 30% presentation last night. It made me feel like we won't get the A we wanted, but what she shared was totally relevant and totally displayed the amount of depth and wisdom that she have in her.

Why am I re- fascinated with her? I know she's really smart, but I know she's really maladjusted in some way too, perhaps still on the journey to that stage of self-actualization. She's not just intellectually intelligent, her passion in pursuing unconditional love and happiness in life is also very admirable. This mix of intelligence and vulnerability fascinates me; She thinks aloud in class, randomly saying things that actually need not be said, and fellow classmates would look at one another thinking: "What a weird person she is, why on earth is she saying what she is saying?" I am in awe of that mix of contradiction that I see in her. She's totally smart, authentic (maybe too authentic) and extremely humble.

At the end of the day, while walking to the car with my classmate, in silence, still thinking about what went on in class, she, a fellow believer, asked me, " Isn't it amazing how someone with a different faith can see  things with such similar perspectives as us? I know. (By now, we have confirmed that she's Baha). I told her that God has made everyone  in His image, and that He has made us to have a conscience, his heart and his character. Moreover, the Bahai faith came after Christianity, Islam, Buddhism and other main religons of Singapore. They could take the best of everything and mash it up to make it Bahai. Whatever it is, it's really the fruit that's produced that really gives value to the faith. Such a good reminder for me too: how much of the fruit of the Spirit do I possess? And how much fruit am I bearing?

And I took medical leave today. I didn't know how exhausted I was till I lay in bed last night. It was really impossible to wake at 6a.m. this morning. Time to see the doc. And start on the 60% assignment.
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We are not a work in progress, but a work in faithfulness

the gospel, the good news - I have always seen it as a noun, something to be shared at a certain point in time to someone.

Peter Gomes said this:

"We are not a work in progrss but a work in faithfulness, and what we strive for and seek in Christ, that peace and security of the full and abundant life, sustains us even as we search for it. That is why they call it the gospel, the good news, and that is why and how it works."

the gospel, the good news, once shared with us, brings us through life. That is the good news, not just a news to tell us about our salvation, but one that sustains us, even when we go through life's challenges.

Perhaps our salvation is also a journey. We never know till we meet Jesus face to face, right?
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one sobering fact and one good news

after meeting up with my financial advisor, a friend after 3 years of not seeing her, I learnt that I should probably be watching my finances more tightly. If not for the fact that the mortgage is paid for via CPF and that there is rental money coming in from the new place, I would have been in the red. Even though my contribution to my parents and the household has increased by more than threefold, there are certain ways to reduce my spending.

My short term plan for the next 6 months is this:

No weekend travels.
No purchase of unnecessary stuff (electronic gadgets, clothes, bags, etc).
No buying of alcohol (except if it's Absolut collectible)
No eating at cafes/restaurants more than three meals a week.

The good news is, my CPF OA investment  is enough to pay my mortage for the next 5 years even if I do not work. I thought the purchase of the new place almost wiped my CPF OA dry. Hidden money is good sometimes.
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I finally conquered SBV Road!

It was 1.4 km uphill and 1.4 km downhill. I never thought I could manage that jog. Many thanks to my co-runner and motivator! :)

Whilst jogging downhill by myself (while the crazy one kept running through the park), some thoughts came to mind.

The thought of jogging uphill was daunting; I imagined a steep slope, my knees hurting, and my back aching.. I had prepared to walk before I even started the jog. It didn't seem that difficult as I did that step by step. I didn't even know that I was jogging upslope many times. And because of that, I thought the run down would not be entirely downhill (no ups means no downs right?). But I was wrong, it was truly a downhill run, which ended the run so pleasantly. I couldn't see the upslope because I was merely concentrating on my next step.


It's the same with our own spiritual journey, I think. While it is true that we want to plan and think ahead, we do not want to be bog down by the worries construed by our thoughts about the future. God gives us sufficient grace to live the day, and hence, we really should not worry too much about the future, but just walk in step with Him. Worrying too much about the future only makes the journey more daunting. So not helpful at all. Then again, I can only do things like that once or twice a year, like the 10km jog. Hehe

I also learnt something new about myself through the run. When I was not able to see the end, it was easier to keep going. When my running mate said "I think we have another 3 corners more to reach the top. You are doing well, keep going! ". I felt like stopping. It's like that whenever I am on the treadmill too. I try to cover the time and distance with my towel and just run. I often feel that the run's tedious whenever I am counting down because my focus will be on the time and distance covered. I will be thinking: "How much more before I finish?" I am still trying to figure that part of me out. Maybe it's related to how I am often excited about new projects and start planning way in advance, but once the structure is in place, I often had to wait till the last minute before putting in the details. hehe. Will think more about this when I have more time.  Ciaoz.
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Re: Eternal life

I have always seen eternal life to be a phase after life on earth ends; when my physical body dies, my spiritual body, the soul, gets to spend eternity with God. And isn't that what we tell prebelievers too? That when we receive Jesus into our lives, we have eternal life.That is true, but what if eternal life is more than just life after death? 

Henri, my latest human/non human idol says it very aptly: "eternal life is life in and with God, and God is where I am here and now. It is the divine indwelling that is eternal life. It is the active presence of God at the centre of my living- the movement of God's Spirit within us- that gives us the eternal life."

Therefore, I think, eternal life in heaven, is a continuation of our present life with God after our time on earth ends. That when they say there is eternal life after death, they mean death as not a physical death but the death of self to the lordship of God. 

Henri's life reminds me, that indeed, fruitfulness of one's life is much more visible only after one's life on earth ends, which leads me to this very important reflection: What kind of legacy am I leaving behind?
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25 randoms in 2012

1) If Henri Nouwen were alive today, I would fall in love with him (if I meet him and he likes me too, hiak hiak).
2) I am making my brain more balanced by using my left hand more.
3) My generation 4 non-coloured ipod is still working.
4) I thought about taking it with me to Phuket but changed my mind because I do not have a lot of time alone.
5) I can be an Aussie tour guide. I helped a stranger teacher do up a 2 week itinerary to Sydney and surrounds today.
6) I should be born an Australian.
7) My nose has only bled once since I used the anti- inflammatory nose spray.
8) I think my plan to check myself into hospital is gonna fail. :(
9) I feel a certain sense of security that my health insurance is fully covered.
10) I am working on my brother's health insurance.
11) I am thankful that my parents and my bro are saved!!!
12) I really like to take my family on a holiday.
13) Sometime, I forget that Cookie is a dog. She seems so human.
14) My hair needs maintenance soon.
15) I need retail therapy.
16) I like to be debt free in 2.5 years, god willing.
17) The first thing I like to do is to go for Hillsong Conference.
18) The next thing I like to do is to experience Spring and Autumn.
19) I am desperately wanting to use my LDS but can't find anything to use it on.
20) I feel smarter if I read the newspaper for that day.
21) I feel wiser if I read the bible that day.
22) I heard many bad things about the English HOD who's coming in next year. I am thankful I am in the PE department.
23) I came out to another of my classmate taking the Masters Programme (total 3 now).
24) I am exhausted and wish I can be bedridden for 1 week.
25) I think this post is boring. I think I grow more boring the older I get. :(
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Solitude in meditation

So many people, including Henri Nouwen, have recommended meditation as a form of deep communication with God. I believe in contemplating on the word of God, meditating, chewing on the word of God, waiting for God to speak to me. But to ask me to sit in silence and wait is not exactly my cup of tea.

I am not quite sure how solitude (in terms of complete silence/placing oneself in a quiet place) is necessary in experiencing the depth of connection to God in these times. 

I have a different idea of solitude. My definition of solitude is a restedness in God's presence. It is when my mind, heart and soul tune in to God's voice. This may happen in the solitude of silence for many but I believe it can happen in the solitude of that moment when I am alone with God, even in the presence of "distractors".

The deepest level of connection I have with God is when I am wrapped in that bubble with him. For me, that can happen with worship music playing in the background or even in the foreground. It can happen in a sermon. It can happen when I am praying with and for someone. It does happen when I am really really alone as well.

It is solitude for me as long as God and I are inside the bubble communicating even if there distractors outside of the bubble.

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I wanna write write write

Does not all creativity ask for a certain encounter with our loneliness, and does not the fear of this encounter severely limit our possible self expression? - Henri N.

Yes yes yes, it does!! I am longing and praying for that extended period of time when I can just sit and seek God and give the space for all His inspiration to flow through all my writings. Prose is starting to bore. Yet prose can be more beautiful than poetry. I want to write both. Rawrrrerrrressssssssss! God willing, in 3 years! In 2015 mid year! When I am 36.5 years old.
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a Noahide

and so I met one yesterday and spoke to him a bit more about his beliefs. He's the teacher sitting opposite me. Once he started talking, my gaydar sounded. He must be gay, I thought. He's a atypical gay man in terms of physique though. Haha. He even brought the Torah today and I think it's for the reason of engaging and   "educating" me about his faith but I didn't feel like engaging him on his beliefs so I didn't ask him what he was reason. It was also because I was partly distracted by the pretty PE teacher but of course, I was mostly concentrating on marking well. haha.

This is a brief summary from Wiki about them and their faith:

In Judaism, the Seven Laws of Noah form the major part of the Noachide Laws.

According to religious Judaism, any non-Jew who adheres to these laws is regarded as a righteous gentile, and is assured of a place in the World to Come (Olam Haba), the final reward of the righteous.
The seven laws listed by the Tosefta and the Talmud are:
1.Prohibition of Idolatry

2.Prohibition of Murder

3.Prohibition of Theft

4.Prohibition of Sexual immorality

5.Prohibition of Blasphemy

6.Prohibition of eating flesh taken from an animal while it is still alive

7.Establishment of courts of law

Noachide Laws comprise the six laws which were given to Adam in the Garden of Eden, according to the Talmud's interpretation of Gen 2:16,[8] and a seventh one, which was added after the Flood of Noah. Later, at the Revelation at Sinai, the Seven Laws of Noah were re-given to humanity and embedded in the 613 Laws given to the Children of Israel along with the Ten Commandments, which are part of, and not separate from, the 613 mitzvot. These laws are derived from the Torah. According to religious Judaism, the 613 mitzvot or "commandments" given in the written Torah, as well as their reasonings in the oral Torah, were issued to the Jews only, and are therefore binding only upon them, having inherited the obligation from their ancestors. At the same time, at Mount Sinai, the Children of Israel were given the obligation to teach other nations the embedded Noachide Laws.

Summary: They don't believe that Jesus is God. And they believe that Jesus is the false prophet that the bible was talking about. So OMG right? Am I gonna engag tomorrow? Will pray.
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blogging spree..

i am on... but I got to stop for now though there are three more outstanding posts!!

Got to fulfill my duty right now.

Laterz.
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being centred

So I couldn't remember what I was thinking of but my memory was triggered back to the time when I had met with the second person on Fridae.

I remembered we had a good time sharing over coffee. After coffee, she asked me how I found our meeting, which I found odd because it was an unusual question to ask immediately after we met. I told her I felt comfortable talking with her. I guess we started a friendship then. Our meetups were irregular and random but we did manage to share quite a bit with each other. After all, when we have just come out to ourselves and the world, we do have a lot to process with people we can be out to..

However, we stopped keeping in touch over time because she realized that I was a common friend of this gal, who, according to her, had "stolen" her ex-gf from her. Even though the relationship had ended 2-3 years before, she still felt so much anger that she still teared when she shared about it. Sadly, at that time, I was struggling with my second relationship and had no capacity to follow up with her. At that time, I found her anger to be unnecessary since the relationship ended 2-3 years before (of course I didn't tell her that). I was insensitive to not acknowledge her emotions and follow through with her then.

In the past month, there were twice I was late for my appointment (massage appt and something else I can't remember) because of traffic jams. I was driving and very frustrated with the traffic. Though I had a lovely companion seated beside me, chatting with me, my entire being was consumed by the frustration of being late that I gave little attention to the person I was with.

That reminded me of some people I know, who are at the moment, struggling with different aspects of their lives. It could be their sexuality they are struggling with, their conflict of their beliefs and their sexuality, their perpetual obsession with a new crush, baggage they struggled with their past loves, the desire to get attached, the search for a fulfilled life through earthly means... things that consumed our capacity to give to others.

It is then I was reminded on how it is important to feel in control of our situations and be able to let God deal with our issues, or even better, to centre ourselves on the grace of God, having faith that He has the best for us, that we do not need to worry, that all we need to do is to sit at his feet, and rest in Him. And that rest will empower us with the wisdom, strength and discernment to make decisions that will lead to His glory shown and His purposes fulfilled.
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The amazing mind that God has given us

It's amazing how the mind works.

I could be thinking about something when I will suddenly realise that the origin of that thought was completely different and unrelated to the current one.

I could be walking along a stretch of shops, turn into one shop and after shopping for 5 minutes, subconsciously turn to walk in the right direction once I come out of the shop.

I could be walking towards the car and will start humming that piece of music I last heard without needing to recall which song it was before I left the car.

All these reminded me of the time when I was younger and how I had kept a dream journal by the bed. Whenever I wake from a dream, still in my stupor, I would open up the journal, write down what I had dreamt of, close the book and go back to sleep. When I woke and read back on what I had written, I did not even find my entry one bit familiar.

Some said dreams are a reflection and indication of what's in the subconscious. I will be curious to study my dreams again in time to come- when I have enough time to wake up, write and go back to bed again.

Now, I only have time to be woken by the alarm, snooze the alarm, sleep, snooze the alarm again, sleep, snooze the alarm again, sleep, crawl out of bed and out of the house in 10 minutes. :):
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Fatty Bom bom

I was puzzled that I seemed to be putting on weight/feeling bloated because i didn't think I had consumed more calories than I had expended (although some may think otherwise). I even explored the reason that I was PMSsing but it was definitely not time yet.

The mystery weight gain was solved today! I found out that I might just be suffering from sympathetic PMS. Hur Hur. 

Or maybe it's just my daily bar of Crunchie chocolate. Hiak Hiak. 

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suicide

someone committed suicide by jumping down the block beside my school. I was hoping it wouldn't be the parent of one of the kids at school. And thankfully, it wasn't. I think it requires a lot of courage to jump. Even for those who aren't afraid of heights, surely looking down a block of flats will cause the heart to drop a bit? And how would anyone dare to put oneself up on the ledge and jump, knowing the pain they will face once they hit the ground.. They must really be really upset, depressed or desperate.. :( If I were to jump this way, I would have to be very drunk so I am not aware what's happening as I climb up to the ledge and push myself off. Why am I even thinking about this!
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bo liao

During my free moments this evening, I goggled Shenny to see what images appear on google.

So many pictures of Shane (in the L word) and her partners!!!! Then I googled Shen Leng. So many guys photos, andro photos and one naked woman's photo!!!!!!

Sigh. Shenny is not meant to be femme. She's meant to be an androgynous womaniser. boo.
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a broken spirit

my heart is still singing this song.

A broken spirit
And a contrite heart
You will not despise
You will not despise

You desire truth
In the inward parts
A broken spirit
and a contrite heart

Lord my heart is prone to wander
Prone to leave the God I love
Here's my heart Lord
Take and seal it
Seal it for
Your courts above

I am surrendered.
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