About letting go easily

I learnt something about myself today. Today was a superbly busy day, how I managed to squeeze such a thought in, I don't know.

I was thinking or maybe praying (I can't remember) about the cell group issue. And I realised that I felt a tremendous amount of peace on my tentative decision. It's kinda strange because I still feel attached to the cg, and the gals remain quite dear to me. Like I mentioned in the previous post, my need to step forward is stronger than all of that. What surprised me was how easily I could let go once I have made the decision to.

Then I thought about my previous relationships. I realised my ability to let go easily is consistent. What a scary thought. When I was in the relationship, I gave my best, and it's not a mind thing, it's a heart thing. I felt so much for each and every one of them. Yet I had no difficulty letting go when I had to. It scares me sometimes, and I am sure it scares any potential partner. Maybe that's why I know I am not ready for the next relationship. Or perhaps the love I thought I had for my previous partners was not really the sort of love that could last. What a bitter revelation. I guess I still do not know myself as well as I thought I did. I better get myself figured out before I make another mistake. Not that I think my previous relationsships are mistakes, I think they are learning journeys for both parties. Just not a very pleasant aftertaste I guess.

Today was the 20% group presentation. While consolidating everything that my group members had done, I suddenly thought about binding up the assignment to make it more presentable. I wondered why none of my group members thought about it. Maybe they thought it wasn't necessary. 2 of my group members are final year students and they should know better. That caused me a further 2 hours of work! What a relief it's over. I didn't think the presentation went all that well though the tutor said it's a good project. It's tough having to summarise 4 hours worth of lesson planning plus the theories behind them in just 20 minutes. The hard copy is more substantial though, that I am sure. Ah well.. Will just commit that to God.

For now, it's a bit of rest before starting on the 60% individual assignment. I realised I prefer to work alone too. Learning, learning and still learning..
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