some thoughts

I was just reflecting on the events that has passed the past month and I thought about what a friend has shared with me about how after the breakup her ex-partner started to change the very things that she was displeased about when they were in a relationship. I was thinking then why anyone would change only after the breakup and not during the duration of the r/s to make their partner happier. It still baffles me. I mean, if you think that is who you are and that your partner should accept you for who you are, why do you want to change after the break up?

This thought led me to this status update my ex CGL posted on his facebook. It is about a danger in marriage where we look to our spouse for heart-needs instead of Jesus. Not merely idolatry, but a heavy burden your spouse wasn't meant to bear.

I agree that only Jesus can meet our deepest emotional needs. However, I do feel that there will a certain type of someone who will be emotional compatible for someone. It's very painful and tiring to be in a relationship where one's emotional needs is not met. I am such a sucker for emotional intimacy that it's so difficult for me to merely grit my teeth and make do. I think one of my weaknesses as a partner is that I am not able to draw boundaries so I end up rationalising, explaining (sometimes on behalf of my partners) and giving till I am exhausted.. then I give up.

I have come to the conclusion that whilst a couple should comprise of 2 different persons so their strengths and weaknesses could complement each other, the level of emotional involvement should be somewhat similar. Emotional compatibility is what I am talking about.

Anywayz, working on not expecting my partner to fulfil my heart needs is also the theme of this year for me. I pray though, that I will remember the lessons I had learnt through my experience to make wiser decisions in future.

I had the annual individual chat with my Principal this morning. Towards the end of our conversation, she asked me how my love life was. I hesitated for a moment and she asked if I have a love life. I said none at the moment. As if to reassure me, she told me that I am a lovely person and if she were a guy, she will marry me, and even if she were a woman (which she corrected herself later.. haha.. that was funnee), she would have an affair with me. I am flattered and I wanted to tell her that I feel rather secure in this area and that she need not comfort me just because I am single. But I kept quiet, smiled and nodded my head.

Went beyond my writing quota for today. Time to practise! :)
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