The importance of physical intimacy

A great sharing. Intimacy is so important in a relationship.

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly.

She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.

She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane.

When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.

She requested that every day for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside
the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart.

Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.
My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving husband....

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you.

If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

A CHRIST-CENTERED MARRIAGE IS A MARRIAGE THAT IS SURE TO LAST A LIFETIME.

So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate. Matthew 19:6.

By Stephanie Halmilton

What I learnt from CG

After today's CG, I made up my mind to set aside that pocket of time just doing nothing but remain in the presence of God. Not reading the bible, not even praying. Just thinking about God. Quite excited.

I shared that that time with God has a very intangible benefit. People see me as happy-go-lucky and easygoing person. Some people say bo chap. I think it's the peace I feel in me that translates to how I am as a person. Moreover, that peace gives clarity of mind and wisdom to make good decisions. All praise and glory to God.

The only area that I can't seem to manage is my relationship with the SH. I tend not to be able to handle the relationship in the same way I handle other matters. And it's trying at times. Sigh. I pray that things will get better over time. It has, I guess. Just need to have faith that things will work out fine.
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Pass it on pass it on.

just reached home after CG sending two peeps home. One is along the way, the other out of the way. But she seems very drained and tired. We had a good conversation in the car nevertheless. She was very thankful for the ride home. I told her to pass it on.

God blesses so we can pass on our blessings to someone else that they may see and know His love, grace and mercy through us. There's no other way I can see this.
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Memento style

So many things happened this weekend!

For one, I had the debut drumming experience at FCC. I really didn't want to do it but they said it's part of understudying.

I didn't really want to understudying drums since I am still working on my acoustic guitar. I mean, the next instrument I like to perfect would be the bass.

The story goes like this. On Wednesday, I vaguely remembered that there is one week where no drummer is available. I thought having a simple beat is better than having no beat at all, unless they were planning to do it the acoustic style. I checked the worship schedule on Friday, realised it was this weekend where they do not have the drummer. I asked Mel for the songs, asked the worship leader if he needs a drummer and he said YES. I thought I might try to join them at rehearsal to see how it goes. Asked the worship leader and he said it will be good to have a drummer.

So.... I went to FCC on Friday and spent 4 hours practising drumming. Had another hour or so of practice on Saturday. Then.. I saw J. I asked her if she was available. She was, just that she was really drained by the week. I offered her a foot reflexology session (so I don't have to drum) to help her relax. She was bought over after some persuasion. haha.. And I thought I didn't need to play, but.......
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Furthering my studies

I am really excited about studying Developmental Psychology. I am really passionate about doing this. I hope NIE has it on a full time basis. With the intake in August, the timing will be perfect.

This is what I will be studying!

Social and Emotional Development of Children and Adolescents
Child and Adolescent Cognitive Development
Counselling Children and Adolescents
Motivation, Volition and Instruction Individual Differences and Learning

Praying praying praying!
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I have learnt..

" The most brilliant strategy in the world won't do any good if you can't deliver on it. "

That one liner is from an article from Harvard Business Review. It reminded me about my thoughts about classroom teaching, something that had been on my mind the past 2 months..

I was just thinking.. No matter how much content knowledge one has, how proficient one is in their subject matter, how high one's qualifications are, if the students you are teaching are not receptive to what you want them to learn, you have failed as a teacher. Yes? No?

Being able to inspire the students suddenly becomes more important. You want to inspire them to learn, and that means facilitating becomes more important than teaching. In order to facilitate well, you need to be well-prepared. To compete with creative modes of information technology which permeates every part of their life, you have got to spend more time preparing your lesson.. I am sure this happens in Secondary School too.. Beyond that, students should be probably more self-motivated to learn.

But anywayz, when you get to that level of realisation, teaching starts to become more complex......

Off for badmintion! :)
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options next year

I really really want to study. But taking my masters in a year means I have to be in Australia, something I am a little reluctant to do.. unless the SH comes along. If I study masters based on coursework purely, I have to remain as a full time teacher. If I want to take no pay leave to take my masters, I have to do a research degree. Choices choices choices. Still praying. Still waiting for clearer directions.

And I really want to make it for next year's Hillsong Conference.

And I really want to make time to start writing songs.

I am inspired.
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